The Dungeons

Dear Draco,

Now that I've begun, I hardly know what to say, but I shall press on and then we can sort it out somehow. Words seem terribly inadequate for the task at hand.

This joke is in very poor taste.

D

Dear Blaise, and Greg,

I'm writing duplicate owls to you both despite the rudeness of it when I have a personal message but things are unaccountably busy here at present. I wouldn't have thought the change would have made such a different to the everyday tasks of life, but I suppose one never knows the way days ordinarily work until they suddenly have to work differently.

As it is I am pressed for time and I would like to see you both, together if possible. It's not an emergency of any kind, of course, or I would just be succinct, or even come and see you, but I'm really very annoyed at someone's sense of humour. Naturally I have suspects in mind and I am in mood to countenance the Weasley twins' version of snide amusement.

Come to tea, please. This afternoon, around three o'clock. I realise it's very short notice but I know you both direct your own time to a large degree and I would rather talk when I can be sure it is just the three of us. Neither of you have ever been defenders of Slytherin honour in quite the ferocious way I am but, really, there are limits, as I'm sure you'll agree. If for no other reason come to humour me.

Sincerely,
Draco

Draco,

There is really nothing I can write to prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt that it is I.

*Board of Governors stationery*

Dear Professor Sprout,

I am pleased to inform you that the Board of Governors has chosen to promote you to Headmistress of Hogwarts. This should not be a surprise as you are by far the most qualified individual. It was a great matter of dissatisfaction for a number of us that we were required by his position to offer the honour to Horace first. Since he has so conveniently removed himself from the situation, we are sure you shall do an admirable job. The school term begins in two short weeks and I know you must be eager to order the school as it suits you and hire proper staff to fill the vacancies.

Yours, etc.,

Edwin F. Hibbit-Turril
on behalf of R. Scrimgeour and the Board of Governors
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

CC: all Board of Governors members; Headmaster's file, Hogwarts

Dear members of the Board of Governors,

Although I have no wish to resign as Professor of Herbology and Head of Hufflepuff House, I will do so and retire immediately unless you withdraw this silly and rather badly worded request that I consider taking up the post of Headmaster. I have witnessed how the Board of Governors has treated the last three Headmasters of Hogwarts; this, and in particular the poor timing and bad manners shown in the recent dismissal of Headmaster Snape, leads me to believe that neither the school's best interests nor my own would be well served were I to accept your offer.

Allow me to repeat: if you insist on reiterating your offer, I will decline again and resign from my current posts at Hogwarts.

Sincerely yours,

Pomona Sprout


p.s. I regret to say that your recent letter to me was so startling that I set it aflame, quite accidently. Luckily the ashes were just what was necessary to improve the pH balance of the Greenhouse Three compost pile, and will go a long way toward nourishing the bubotuber rhizomes in preparation for this year's OWL-level pupils.