brand gartner (branner) wrote in hotelcali, @ 2016-06-17 21:03:00 |
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Entry tags: | brand gartner, joel cappadocia |
Who: Brand & Joel
What: Talking about stuff
Where: Joel’s bedroom
When: Wednesday night, June 15th
Status: Completed
Brand had been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of it started about a week before, when he ran into Clare at the Reservoir while he was walking the dog. She had been on a run and stopped by the dog park to say hi. Predictably the conversation turned to their one shared interest, which was Joel. Clare had mentioned some things about the future and how Joel was going to be getting a lot more attention once the movie went into production later on that year. That whole privacy thing was going to get harder, she said. Is it exhausting trying to keep their relationship under wraps, she asked. What sort of publicity boost would Joel get if he came out publicly, she wondered.
When Brand walked home from the dog park later, he realized he felt kind of guilty for being the main reason why Joel had to hide a bunch of stuff in his personal life. That wasn't really fair to Joel, was it? It wasn't even fair to Brand, who spent so much of his life hiding stuff only to find slightly different things to hide. The fact that it was Pride month and then Pride weekend only made things worse. Brand and Joel decided that they needed to stay lowkey for Spencer's big party, since a lot of randos would be around and who knows what someone would say or take an unsuspecting picture of. It felt kind of disingenuous being at a huge party for Pride and being in a same-sex relationship and feeling obligated to hide it.
So Brand spent a lot of time thinking. He weighed pros and cons while on long walks with Kraw and ran down a mental list of 'what's the worst that could happen?' if he came out to his parents, who were the only reason Brand was still partially in the closet anyway. He probably would have continued considering his options for a while longer if it wasn't for the fact that Joel's big European book tour was coming up in a few weeks. Brand accompanying Joel on the trip, and having to pretend not to be a couple during an extended European sorta-vacation wouldn't be fun at all. So with that self-imposed deadline, Brand finally made a decision.
He was nervous about it, since one of the sticking points when it came to them dating was Joel not wanting to be the reason Brand's parents disowned Brand, but this was bigger than that. Right? It was important for both Brand and Joel lives, so Brand needed to do it. And that was that.
Brand chose to wait until he and Joel went to bed Wednesday night before he brought the topic up, but it was probably obvious that something had been on his mind all day. Brand had been quieter than usual and more distracted, not to mention he'd gone on a really long walk with Kraw that afternoon. After hitting the bathroom and getting undressed, Brand sat on the side of Joel's bed checking Twitter on his phone as he waited for Joel to finish up.
Joel’s day had been filled with different kinds of thinking. He’d spent most of his time at the gym in the morning listening to audio from physics lectures and audio from interviews of people who had experience fallout either from the nukes in Japan or various Nuclear accidents and/or testing sites throughout history. After the gym, he spent his lunch at a cafe near the gym writing up notes as he kept his research listens going. He’d run some errands after that and then had stopped at the UCLA campus to speak with a particular professor regarding some of the questions he had for ideas for his story. On the way home from there, he had stopped to do some clothes shopping for the upcoming trip since he figured it couldn’t hurt and then had made it home in time for a proper dinner and to nag Keegan for standing too long in the kitchen even though she seemed like she wasn’t uncomfortable at all.
He had noticed that Brand was fairly quiet throughout the afternoon/evening but hadn’t asked about it yet. He was currently in the bathroom, brushing his teeth for the night after washing his face. When he finished up, he headed for the kitchen to refill his water bottle. He walked into his room and set the water bottle down next to his phone, which was already on the nightstand plugged into its charger. “Hey,” he said, “You’ve been pretty quiet today. Something wrong?” He tugged his t-shirt off over his head and then pulled his shorts off and tossed each into the hamper and then turned toward the bed.
Brand looked up when Joel came into the room and turned off his phone screen to climb into his side of the bed. He turned his phone on silent and slid it under his pillow before laying down. “Nah, just thinkin’ about stuff,” Brand said, watching Joel move around the room. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Joel tried not to feel paranoid about that since Brand had said nothing was wrong but people rarely said things like ‘I want to talk to you about something,’ when there’s nothing wrong, right? “Yeah?” He asked as he walked to his side of the bed and climbed in. “What kinda something he asked as he rolled onto his side.
“It's not bad,” Brand assured before making a face as he reconsidered. “Sorta.” He paused briefly and then moved to sit up. “I wanna tell my parents about us,” he said, looking down at Joel.
Joel arched his eyebrows when Brand seemed to change his mind on whether it was bad or not. His eyebrows hiked farther up his forehead and his eyes widened slightly as he leaned up a bit on his elbow. “...You do?”
Brand nodded. “It kinda sucks to have to be all secret about everything, right? If I tell them, then we don't gotta worry about it anymore. Like when you're on tour.”
Joel thought carefully about his reply to Brand as he moved to sit up in the bed and leaned back against the headboard. “It’s not the most fun situation, I’ll grant you that,” Joel ran his hand through his hair absently. “It would be nice to not have to worry about it, sure,” He hesitated a moment and looked over at his Brand. “You know once you tell them, though...there’s no going back,” He reminded Brand gently. If it was really what Brand wanted to do, Joel was on board completely, but he had to make sure it was indeed what Brand wanted to do, right?
“Yeah...I know,” Brand said quietly, adjusting the pillow behind him so he could lean against the headboard too. Once he was settled, he said, “I've been thinking about it a lot, so it's not a spur of th moment kind of decision. I mean, I've been thinking about it before we even started dating, really.” He knew Joel had been as well.
Joel nodded as he thought over his comments carefully again. “If it’s what you want to do, obviously I’m behind the idea completely,” He said. “But I still have to ask you again if you’re sure that it’s what you want to do?” He had to, because Joel knew what was likely at stake here and it made him feel anxious. He couldn’t help it. He wondered what advice his dad would have given him in this situation. His mom had informed him that she had trained his sisters to be overly protective of the baby brother only they were allowed to pick on and she would happily sic them after anyone who wanted to test the waters against Joel and Brand, even Brand’s parents if it came down to it. He hadn’t told Brand about that one but he figured Brand would probably have some idea of his mother’s viciousness when it came to defending them from...anything really.
Brand leaned his head back against the headboard and looked at Joel. "Yeah. It'd be better to get it over with sooner instead of later." He hesitated a moment before adding, "I mean...this thing we have is serious, right?"
“Yeah, it is,” Joel offered Brand a smile and nodded without hesitation this time like he had before. He knew better than hesitating on a question like that and his answer was honest anyhow. “So...when do you think you want to do it, then?”
Brand couldn't help but feel a little relieved as he smiled back. It was still hard sometimes for him to really believe all of this was actually happening, at least without being reassured occasionally. Was that bad? Brand also worried that was bad. Brand worried about a lot of things. But anyway, he slipped his hand into Joel's at their sides.
"I was thinking, maybe..." Brand arched his eyebrows. "Maybe before we leave for Europe?"
Joel curled their fingers together and gave Brand’s hand a squeeze. He arched his eyebrows. “Yeah?” He asked. Now that was somewhat exciting. It would be nice not to have to pretend while they weren’t even in the states, that they weren’t dating. It’d be something else to look forward to other than that possible eating challenges Joel could do while they were there.
Brand squeezed Joel's hand in return and smiled a little wider, hearing the anticipation in his voice. "Yeah. I mean, it's kinda like a vacation. It'd suck to go on a vacation to Europe and have to pretend not to be your boyfriend."
Joel grinned and nodded. “Yeah, that would be kinda lame,” He agreed. “So…trip home for confessions…and Mets games then…?” He arched his eyebrows.
Brand smiled a little and squeezed Joel’s hand again, nodding. Brand would definitely need some home games after that, but knowing the Mets they probably wouldn't make him feel much better. “You'll come with me, right? When I tell them?” he arched his eyebrows.
Joel’s brow crinkled. “Of course I’m going with you,” he said as if it wasn’t even a question, because it wasn’t so far as Joel was concerned.
Brand’s smile widened and he lifted up their hands to kiss the back of Joel’s. “Thanks,” he said quietly. The he added, “We should prob’ly wait ‘till after my birthday.”
Joel nodded. “I’d say that’s probably a good idea,” he said. “What do you want to do for your birthday?” He added.
“Hmm,” Brand hummed, leaning back against the headboard and squinting upward. “Drinking? Beach bonfire? You?” He turned back to Joel with a smirk.
Joel chuckled. “All of the above?” He grinned as he looked over at Brand.
“Sounds like a good birthday to me,” Brand smiled before leaning in to kiss Joel.
Joel grinned and leaned over to close the gap between them just a tiny bit faster. “We should,” he said between a few kisses. “Start the celebrations...right ‘bout now,” Yup.
“Hmm...good call,” Brand murmured in agreement before moving to straddle Joel’s lap without breaking another round of kisses. Celebrations would be an extremely effective way to avoid thinking about how incredibly anxious Brand was about what they'd just discussed.