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Regulus Arcturus Black ([info]te_regulus) wrote in [info]hogwarts_dawn,
@ 2021-03-02 16:49:00

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Entry tags:character: regulus black, character: sirius black

RP: the Black brothers
Who: Sirius and Regulus
When: Tuesday 2nd March
Where: Where else? Hogwarts
What: They attempt the talking thing

Regulus was getting bored. Potter thought they were going fast, but maybe they would go faster if he didn't drink all the bloody time. The full moon seemed to have put everyone in stasis for no real reason. The truth was that no matter how 'fine' they were, they were trying to mentally deal with all the chances around them.

He thought that it was a little easier for him. He had been going to his death. He died. There was no history to reconcile with. There were no surprises to deal with. He certainly didn't feel guilty for what had happened in the future. All in all, he was in a much better shape than most people.

However with nothing to do, he had to amuse himself. There was only so much reading he could do before his eyes went wonky and his back complained so he decided to go for a walk. Outside, Scotland was still cold and he was a creature of comforts, so he walked indoors, the big windows providing more light and air than he needed. He reached the passageway on the second floor when he saw Sirius coming down from the other side. "Alone? I thought you weren't allowed to go anywhere without the other musketeers."


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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-02 10:14 pm UTC (link)
Sirius was restless. They hadn't gone out and done anything since that first mission, and it was starting to get to him . The Full Moon had been a distracting, and helping Moony out after, but that had been days ago and the boredom was really setting in. Especially since he'd promised Remus to stop trying to go back in time. Without something to obsess over he really was a loose ends.

When Sirius was like this no one could stand him for long. Even James got irritated by his restlessness and constant twitching. So he headed out, thinking he'd turn into Padfoot for a while and run around the grounds until he was exhausted. Everything was easier as Padfoot. The dog didn't feel things the way Sirius did.

It was a surprise, but a welcome one, to see Regulus. He hadn't been avoiding his brother, but they also hadn't really spoken to each other since they first got here. He grinned, reaching out to clap the kid on his shoulder.

"Hey Reggie! I was gonna go blow off some steam on the grounds. Want to come with?" It wouldn't quite be Padfoot, but Regulus was a good distraction too.

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-02 10:44 pm UTC (link)
Regulus decided that he would go with his original idea of hexing Sirius every time he changed his name. Sure, he had told Remus that he might consider ignoring Sirius, but he had considered it and ignored it five seconds after telling Remus that. So he did the only thing possible. He cast a light stinging hex.

"From now on, this is what you get if you don't use my name. And hello to you too Sirius. How have you been? I've been fine thank you for asking... Oh wait, you did not ask." He did an about-face. "If it gets too cold, I'm coming back inside. It's bloody March and it's Scotland, in case you have forgotten."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-03 02:15 am UTC (link)
If Regulus thought a little stinging hex would stop him he was wildly mistaken. Mother used stinging hexes like most mothers used hugs. He barely even noticed it. He did, however, laugh at Reggies terrible attitude. Nothing had changed, and that was weirdly comforting.

"It may be March, but we also have magic, grumpy guts. Ever heard of a warming charm?" He cast one on himself, then held his wand out invitingly. "Care for a hit?"

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-03 02:34 am UTC (link)
"I also have a castle and an entire common room. I don't even have to share with Severus since he has the Headmaster's quarters. Do you know what I have in the common room? Warmth? I understand that you Gryffindors might not be aware, all up and might in your tower, but we like comfort," he said with a straight face.

Regulus rolled his eyes before waving his hand. "Really, as if I need a wand for something so basic. All joking around, you should come over for tea one of these days. Kreacher will be happy to have company," he said knowing that neither Sirius nor Kreacher would appreciate it but he didn't particularly care about their opinion.

"So why are we going outside? Is there even a reason or do you simply not want to act like a normal human being?" he asked.

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-03 02:42 am UTC (link)
"You don't have to to with me," he said, fondly amused. "I hate to drag you from your comfort."

Sirius wrinkled his nose at the mention of Kreacher. The less he saw of the elf the better.

"I'll come for tea. Sure. Just promise not to let Kreacher poison me. You don't want to have to clean my corpse put of your warm comfy rooms."

He shrugged as they reached the courtyard, shoving his hands in the pockets of his robes.

"Something like that. To tell the truth, I was going to turn into a dog and go running. Maybe jump in the lake or something, say hi to my old friend squiddy. I'll stay human for you though, brother dearest."

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-03 03:00 am UTC (link)
"Then I have to listen to you say that you are somehow better or stronger. Or worse have you whine because you're alone," he answered with a snotty tone although they both knew that he was joking. If he truly didn't want to go, he wouldn't go.

"Don't be daft. You are a Black. He would never poison you, no matter how much he might want to," he said, with a matter-of-fact tone. "And I know how to cast a vanishing charm so that would not be the real problem. However, I'm not in the habit to kill family unless it's in self defense and even then I try to go for less lethal ways."

Regulus took out his gloves from his cloak and put them on. "I have no idea why I took my gloves with me that day." He was going to his death, but it seemed important that he wear the nicest clothes he had. "There is something that you can tell me since you are dragging me outside. Who killed Father?" he asked. "I was in school. The official story was that he got sick but that was a lie concocted to keep our name clean. I imagine the Order went along since they were an illegal group but you must know."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-03 03:33 am UTC (link)
"I don't whine," Sirius whined. Then he laughed, because Regulus never did anything he didn't want to do. It was nice. Strange, but nice. Having him here. Talking to him like they did when they were much younger.

"I'm glad to know that in the event of my untimely death in your apartments you'd have the clean up all taken care of." Sirius couldn't help thinking of Regulus' untimely death. He wanted to ask him, but would this Regulus even know?

He stopped for a moment when Reg brought up father, then hunched his shoulders and kept walking.

"It was Gideon and Fabian. You know, the Prewett twins. I don't know exactly what father did. No one would tell me. They seemed to think I'd fly off the handle." The truth was he didn't know how to feel about his fathers death. He hadn't been sad, exactly. There was no love lost between them. But he didn't hate his father either. Not the way he hated his mother. He had just been... There. A stern disappointed presence in his life. He still didn't know how to feel about it.

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-03 03:41 am UTC (link)
"Of course not. You complain like a toddler deprived of his favorite things. So not a whine at all," Regulus said with a smirk. "You're lucky you are a Black or people wouldn't put up with you."

He nodded. "I'm always rather prepared for every occasion, including murder. One must be when dealing with Bella on a regular basis. She just brings out the best in people."

Regulus glared at Sirius. "Of course I know them. Aunt Lucretia was at the funeral, crying for her dear brother. I wonder if their sons told her that they killed their uncle. Probably not." Everyone had been happy to pretend. "Whatever he did couldn't be worse than killing someone. You know I never understood why you hated Mother so much, but not Father. It's not like he was any different. She was just louder, but he made the rules." Then again, Sirius was such a Gryffindor, never looking past appearances.

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-03 09:41 pm UTC (link)
"They put up with me because I'm beautiful and charming and always know where the best alcohol is." He tried to be flippant about it, but Regulus had hit a sore spot. He knew he was a lot, and he was always half prepared for people to get sick of him. Even Remus and James.

"Doesn't she just," Sirius grumbled. He hadn't liked Bella before he found out that she killed him.

"Yeah, somehow I doubt they told her. And sometimes killing people is necessary, you know, like in a war. The twins didn't kill for fun. So it was either in self defense or to keep him from killing others. Either way, I don't know what happened."

He sighed, because of course Regulus didn't understand. Father made the rules, yes, but he didn't enforce them. Father never locked him or starved him. Father never cut him open or cast experimental spells on him. Father didn't leave the word Traitor carved into his skin.

"Maybe because mother was a cruel, sadistic asshole and father was just a normal asshole."

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-03 09:49 pm UTC (link)
"And modest too. Don't forget your modesty," he answered, but despite how easily Sirius pushed that aside Regulus knew that his last name carried weight. Maybe not with his friends, but certainly with the many people who seemed to hang from every word he uttered.

"She's amazing," he said, knowing how much it would annoy Sirius.

Regulus shrugged. "There's killing people and there's stopping people. Assuming that I were a Death Eater, I would never kill family, no matter how much I disagreed with them. I would paralyze, vanish, or do anything else to stop the fight so family doesn't die. But you were the good buys weren't you? It's amazing how you acted as much as the Dark wizard."

He snorted. "You really have no idea, do you? Father let mother carry out punishment, because we weren't worthy of his time. He would have been much worse but go ahead and keep thinking whatever you like."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-03 09:58 pm UTC (link)
"We Blacks are very modest people," Sirius agreed. This was easier, the banter back and forth. It had been their thing since they could both talk.

"We never killed innocent people," Sirius snapped. Regulus was likely trying to get a rise out of him, but it was working. "And family doesn't mean shit when they're actively trying to hurt you. You're just assuming father was some innocent bystander they mowed down in cold blood. But that's bullshit and you know it. Just because you have some morals doesn't mean any of the other Death Eaters did."

Sirius snorted bitterly.

"Okay, have it your way. Father was a piece of shit too. Is that what you wanted? Forgive me if I don't have nightmares about him." He ran a hand through his hair and half sighed, half snarled. The last thing he needed right now was to listen to his brother defend their fucking parents.

"I have an idea. Let's talk about literally anything fucking else."

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-03 10:22 pm UTC (link)
"We are indeed, although it's not lack of modesty when we're being accurate," he said smirking.

"Of course not. You were angels," he said sarcastically. "I'm not deluded. I never said that he was an innocent anything. I'm saying that if you want to claim to be better than the other side, you don't go for the kill, especially when it's two against one. I'm sure they could have disarmed him. I'm not saying that he deserved it, but I'm saying that a) I would have when family was involved and b) you don't get to claim to be morally suerios when you go for the kill."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "You have a way of hearing but not listening. I'm saying that you could always be blind to certain things. Things were better after he died. She was better." He nodded. "Fine, how is the weather?" he asked. "Or should we discuss our careers?"

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-03 10:31 pm UTC (link)
"I didn't say we were angels. We made mistakes. A fucking lot of them, it seems. But you're making a lot of assumptions Reg. Like it bring two on one. We don't know that. They didn't tell me what happened, and you weren't there. In fact, it's very unlikely that dear old Dad was on his own doing whatever the fuck he was doing. 'Both sides were bad' is a shitty argument to use when one side wants actual genocide and the other side is trying to stop it."

Sirius rolled his eyes hard enough to dislocate his neck.

"Wow, I'm really fucking glad to hear she tortured people less after he died. That sure does make her a saint. Fuck, you said she hurt you too, why are you defending her?" He kicked a rock in his path viciously. "I'm sorry about that, you know. I didn't think she touched you. I thought when I left she wouldn't have anything to be angry about and she'd leave you alone." He knew he'd called for the subject change, but clearly that wasn't happening.

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-03 10:44 pm UTC (link)
"I was responding to you saying that it was the twins. Our cousins. That's exactly like Bella killing you. I find all of it to be terrible, and not terrible when she kills you and just fine when they go after Father. It was all bloody wrong, and you should finally pull your head out your arse and see it for what it was." He snorted. "Yes I'm seeing how well your side has been. You've brought about the end of the world. Congratulations for being more competent than a half-blood with aspiration of world domination," he said clapping.

He threw his hands in the air. "Are you listening to me? I have never said that she's a saint. I'm saying that it's stupid to blame her and not Father when he caused most of it. You do understand that it's possible for a person to be terrible and have someone be worse, right? For example, Bella was bad, the Dark Lord was worse. See how that worse?" He shrugged. "I honestly don't know how was worse. She wasn't as vicious with me. I was the baby. She got Bella to do her dirty work but Father- He couldn't afford to have his heir get ideas of independence. They were started looking for wives before I even took my NEWTs. The engagement would have gone public after Christmas, with a spring wedding."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-03 10:51 pm UTC (link)
Sirius stopped walking and looked at his brother.

"You know what? You're right. Its fucked up. All of it. Nothing went right, and no one is blameless. It all fucking sucks and I don't really give a shit who was worse anymore. Everyone fucked up everything, and maybe this is our chance to fix it."

He felt all twisted up inside. Regulus was good pushing all his buttons.

"I don't want to fight with you over who did what worst to who. I don't. I'm sorry father did that shit to you. It isn't right and it isn't fair and it fucking sucks. They were both pieces of literal garbage. So let's just say fuck em and see if we can't figure out the future instead. It's come to my attention that I can't change the past anyway, and I'm trying really hard to stop dwelling on it so I don't keep making stupid decisions. Which is hard, let me tell you. Stupid decisions are my main thing."

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-03 11:02 pm UTC (link)
"I know it is. I'm not the one with the blinders on. I'm perfectly all right at assigning blame to multiple people on multiple sides," Regulus said. "I don't know why you find it so hard to accept that both sides screwed up. Is it because you don't want to admit that you made mistakes? Or is it because then this was all for nothing? Because I could have told you that war is always for nothing" he said with a shrug.

He snorted. "Why I don't want to fight with you, I want you to be aware of both their faults, because there's no guarantee that they won't show up here. You understand that, right? And if they do, I don't want you to focus on one and ignore the other, because that's how bad things happen."

Regulus laughed. "Oh I know how much stupid decisions are your thing, but you're hardly the only one who's made stupid decisions. In case it has escaped your notice, we all ended up dying really young without accomplishing as much as we thought we should. I wasn't bringing these things up so we can fix the past. I was bringing them up to prepare for the future. We are creating this future. If we can't even figure out what went wrong, how are we going to teach a bunch of Muggleborns what to do right?"

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-04 04:48 pm UTC (link)
"I admitted we made mistakes. Fuck me for wanting it all to have been worth it."

He sighed and sat down on the frosty grass. Because all had been for nothing, hadn't it. Voldemort had been destroyed but not killed, not until Harry did it decades later. And they still ended up going extinct before their grandkids got a chance to grow old. It was extremely depressing.

"Fuck, you don't think they'll turn up do you? That is the absolute worst thing you've ever suggested." He laughed darkly. "But I promise to hate them both equally, if that'll make you happy."

He sighed and stared up at the grey sky. Regulus was confusing. He had always been confusing. It would take the rest of his life to actually figure his little brother out.

"I would be a lousy teacher," he admitted. "Hopefully there's some other jobs in this new future we're supposed to make."

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-04 05:18 pm UTC (link)
"Because if we all think that it was worth it then neither side changes its position, you bloody idiot. I can hold onto pureblood superiority since we did not kill everyone. Your side did," he said, raising his voice. If there was one person who could make him lose his cool, it was Sirius. Regulus hated it. "And you can hold onto your moral ground saying that the Dark Lord was evil. We're both right and you know where that gets us? Absolutely nowhere. You need to stop looking at the small picture and focus on the grand scheme of things, because we have a bloody civilization to rebuild."

Regulus started to pace. "I have no idea if they will or won't, but we need to be prepared for anything. More importantly, you need to move past their hatred for them, because it has blinded to the fact that purebloods have made a contribution. We are the Black left. We are the ones who know our traditions. We need to teach them, because not every tradition was terrible. There are plenty of traditions that were good and magical, and they shouldn't be discarded because you hated our parents."

He snorted. "You'd be a terrible teacher, but if they will live with us, with so few of us, they will learn from us even if we aren't their teachers. They will watch, remember and imitate. So you will be a teacher even if you aren't."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-04 05:28 pm UTC (link)
Sirius stood as Regulus began shouting. It always ended this way with them, didn't it.

"I'll look at the grand scheme but I'll be fucking dammed if that means forgiving our fucking parents! Do you have any idea what she, they, even did to me? No. Fuck that. Completely fuck that. Maybe some Pureblood stuff is worth saving but none of their shit is worth losing on. Fucking none of it. We're not raising another fucking generation that believes it's okay to torture your fucking kids! If I'm going to teach anyone bloody anything it'll be that fucking no one has the right to do that shit."

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-04 05:41 pm UTC (link)
"Oh for Merlin's sake, how do you hear what I say and come to the conclusion that I'm asking you to forgive them? How? Do you even understand English? I said that you need to move past that hatred to see the good in what purebloods do. I'm talking real traditions, you single minded idiot."

Regulus couldn't believe that he had to explain these things to his brother. His older brother. "Things like the Parent's Dream. Granted our parents never did one for us but it's something parents magically create to dispel their children's nightmares. The making of special protection charms under the moon on the solstice. The good luck spells at the beginning of the ball season. Those are the real traditions, Sirius. Those are the ones we need to pass on, but the moment you hear purebloods you think about our parents and you stop making any sense. So no, I'm not asking you to forgive them. I'm asking you to stop giving them power over you, because as much as you like to pretend, they still controlled you even after you left."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-04 05:50 pm UTC (link)
Sirius forced himself to take a deep breath and let go of some of the anger. It was so easy to fly off the handle, and Sirius had been trying to keep a tether kn that, trying to be better than he had been. It wasn't working very well. Baby steps, and all that.

"Right. Sorry. Right." He sighed. He'd definitely need to go running as Padfoot later, if only to clear his head.

"The Parent Dream really is brilliant. James told me about his. Those things, they're worth keeping. They are. Not that I can teach them. Maybe you'll have better luck." He sighed again. He'd been doing that a lot lately. "I know I have blinders Reg. I get that. And trust me, I am very aware of how much the still did, still fucking do control me. I bloody hate it. I hate that just thinking about them can make me..." he trailed off and waved his hands vaguely in the air.

"Tell you what. You want to pass on the good stuff, I'll help you. Much as I can. Can't promise I'll be any good at it, but I'll try. James would be good at that too, he actually got to experience some of the good stuff."

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-04 06:37 pm UTC (link)
"We know plenty. You know plenty. Beneath all that anger you have, there are plenty of good things that you know things you can share," Regulus said a lot more calmly. "None of that means that I want you to forgive them, but I would like for you to make peace with our past, because it doesn't hurt them. They are dead and gone. It just hurts you. It will be even worse in the future if they came back, because if you don't accept what happened, they will use it against you."

Regulus nodded. "That's a good compromise because I know that you know more than you think you do." He smiled at Sirius. "You know what you can do. Every night, write one good thing about purebloods, whether it's something you remember from our grandparents or from your friends. It doesn't matter. Maybe that will help."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-04 06:51 pm UTC (link)
"Maybe," Sirius agreed grudgingly. His brother was right, there was a lot about magic that Sirius loved. He'd always just been instinctively good at it, and while he didn't want to admit it he knew a lot of that came from growing up like they had. He'd spent so much of his life running away from it, trying to be as muggle as he could to piss off his mother. It had worked. Too well. But he would always rather have her hurt him for something he did, rather than for something he just was. It as a fucked up kind of coping mechanism. Maybe it was time to let it go.

"When did you get smart?" He asked, smiling fondly at his little brother. "I'll try that. I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I'll try."

He rubbed at the back of his neck and grinned ruefully.

"Peace is a weird idea. I don't think I know what that's like. Even at school, when things were actually good, I couldn't ever really... Nevermind. You don't need to listen to me whine anymore. Are you fully frozen yet? Or do you want to keep walking?"

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[info]te_regulus
2021-03-04 08:04 pm UTC (link)
"I've always been smart," he answered, haughtily. "I've always known plenty of magic that people double my age didn't know how to cast. That doesn't apply anymore, because the only one double my age is Severus and I'm pretty sure that he knew more than me even when we were the same again." that was still strange even if talking to Severus hadn't been strange at all. In fact, it had felt normal and familiar.

"I know! Imagine that. And you don't need to whine. I know that they were still a part of your life even after you left." He grinned. "Come on, let's get back inside."

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