"That's a really good idea," Sirius said, enthusiastically. He loved magic. He loved the way it worked, he loved finding new uses for it. He loved the way it felt and moved and lived all on its own. He wondered who he'd have to convince to let him work there, if it happened. "I'll back you, if you want to bring it up to him."
He squeezed Peters hand back, his smile dimming to something sadder and more sympathetic.
"It might not have been my fault, but I'm still sorry it happened. She, and you, deserved better than that." He wondered if a memorial was being planned. He'd have to ask Harry about that too.
Sirius swallowed hard, and stared up at the ceiling without letting go of Peters hand.
"I don't want to talk," he admitted. "If I had my way I'd never think or talk about any of it ever again. But Remus is right. Like he always is. We didn't talk to each other, and look how it ended. I don't want that Pete. I want us to be better. I know that means me, as much or more than any of us." He sighed, throwing his legs over the arm of Peters brilliant chair.
"I... I don't think about stuff. About things that happened to me. And things I let happen. And things I did... Pretty much anything bad I push away, because... Well, that's the fucking question. Isn't it. Because I don't know how to deal with it? Maybe? Because I can't fucking cope? Whatever. I, I don't think about it. So if I don't think about it then I don't talk about it either. Like that will make it all not real. But, now there's someone out there, someone who knows everything I refuse to think or talk about. And she's good, she's great, she won't say anything. But she knows, and I'm having a really fucking hard time getting past that. Because she knows, and that makes it fucking real." He turned back to Peter with a strained smile. "And before you say anything I know I'm messed up and I know this is a stupid way to think and all of that. But I want to be open with this shit so, that's it. That's what's up my ass today. She knows, so I have to know, and I can't stop... Dwelling."