Had he heard anything beyond her question of why he was hard on himself when he didn’t judge her? He didn’t even really answer that question, let alone address any of the comments she’d made about him personally. Was he trying to avoid the topic? Probably. He probably couldn’t admit he was better than he thought. Too many people had told him otherwise for too long, and he’d begun to believe it.
“You confuse me,” Sigyn admitted. “The things you say and the things you do are at odds and I have a hard time reconciling that.”
There was a very long pause while she mulled over a few of the things he’d just revealed. Earlier, he’d said he’d been trying to protect her reputation. Now he was saying he wanted to keep her from conflict. And he respected her. And he didn’t trust himself around her. Yet, despite apparently holding her in high regard, he thought avoiding her was a better option than being her friend, even if he wanted to be nothing more. Hurting her was better than being honest with her. Well, he was being honest now. Mostly. Probably.
“Since we’re being honest, I have to say, for the record, I’m not looking for a commitment either,” she told him. “I was serious. I’m not getting married. You’re the only one I’d ever even consider saying yes to, and I knew all along that wasn’t an option. I’m not that stupid, Loki. But I do… I did want to… spend time with you.”
She bit her lip for a moment, then continued, “But I respect you for who you are too. I guess I didn’t realize that you thought of me that way, or that an association with me would be so upsetting for you. I don’t want to cause you any more difficulties. I just wanted a chance. I’m sorry. I truly am. I misjudged and put you in a bad position. I didn’t mean to.”
The death of a dearly held hope was difficult to swallow, and Sigyn was struggling to keep her voice even. But she managed it. Barely. She’d done enough crying for today. “I think if I get a bit of rest, I’ll feel better. If you wake me before it’s light, I’ll go home and not bother you again. I’d offer to move to sleep somewhere else, but I don’t think I can right at the moment. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, you must be tired.”
She closed her eyes then, because if she didn’t, she might actually cry in spite of her best efforts. “And I still don’t care what anybody else says, including you: you’re definitely better than the rest of them. Don’t let them try to convince you otherwise. Wake me in a couple hours, alright?”