It burst out in a giant sob as soon as Philotes asked what made her scared. An obviously distressed cry of, “I'm going to be somebody's mom,” exploded out of her. Harmonia was scared. This was nothing she had ever gone through or remembered watching anyone else go through, in terms of her family she was the baby. Right? She wasn't entirely sure, but it sounded right at the moment. Bits and pieces, between sobs, the fears poured out of her on the verge of hysterics. “I don't know how to be a mom. I don't have the first idea what to do.”
Wiping at her face, she continued, “What if I hate it? What if once it's here I can't stand to look at it or touch it because it's just an extension of this nightmare? What kind of mother would I be if I hated my baby?” Harmonia closed her eyes and shook her head. “Or worse, Lottie, what if it is wonderful and amazing and I do love it but it is somehow imperfect and they have to kill it? They do that, you know, and not just in Sparta.”
She rubbed at her eyes and cheeks again and finally turned to look at her best friend. “I thought I could do this alone. I didn't call because I thought I could do it alone. But, Lottie...” Harmonia blinked hard in an attempt to will tears away. It was no avail, they continued to fall. “I'm so scared. I can't do this alone. I can't.”
Deep inside her belly the baby moved and instinctively Harmonia's hands went to the swell to try to calm it. “I thought this was supposed to be a wonderful thing. All glowy and great. They always says pregnant women glow. But I've been nothing but sick and sad and scared. My feet and ankles are so swollen I can't wear my sandals anymore. I spent months on my hands and knees heaving into a pail. Part of me wants it the hell out but another part doesn't because then I have to do this mom thing and I don't have the first idea how to be a mom.”