The Things Children Say [narrative]
Loki was happier than he ever recalled being in his long life. Everything seemed to be finally going right for him. He had a bright, beautiful, brilliant wife whose smile, when she showed it, lit up both his heart and his hall. Her laughter was contagious and he tried very, very hard to remain faithful to her. He did falter from time to time, Loki well knew his own flaws, but he tried. Sometimes, he earned Sigyn's wrath. But she had given him two perfect sons. One of which was currently at his side while he walked from his hall to Valaskjalf to see Odin.
He loved all his children, but if he was completely honest with himself Loki would admit that he did have a bit of favor for Narvi and Vali. They were not malformed in any way and he wasn't ripped away from them or had them torn away from him like had happened with most of his other children. He had given Sleipnir to Odin of his own volition and he had no claim on Zisa's son -that child was as good at Tyr's as far as Loki was concerned. But these two... these two perfect sons had filled his heart with such joy he was sure he'd burst. If anything ever happened to them, or to any of his children, really, it would break his heart.
It certainly helped that their mother was one of the most brilliant women he'd ever had the pleasure of meeting. Sure, they hadn't exactly gotten on at first, but now Loki couldn't imagine life without her. Third time, it seemed, was the charm. At least in terms of wives. And when he looked at his sons, well... when he looked at Narvi, he saw so much of Sigyn in him -her strength, her own unique way of doing things, her independence... even her eyes. But when he looked at Vali, as he was now as the boy walked along side him, Loki saw himself at that age.
It was almost alarming at how much Vali was like him. There were differences, of course, such as the fact that Vali actually had his father as an active role in his life. Unlike Loki who was perfectly content with never seeing Farbauti again if avoidable, a father he only saw when the giant wanted a rut on Laufey. It would remain to be seen if there were other things Vali would take after him in, or even if Narvi possessed any of the talents as well, such as shape-changing. It wouldn't be a stretch. Hel was perfectly able to adjust her appearance as she chose, that had to have come from somewhere, and it would make sense that perhaps her half-brothers would have those same abilities. Maybe. Loki had not seen anything yet to indicate that either could.
If either of them would, it was probably going to be Vali. The boy even looked like him. Sometimes when Loki looked at him, or listened to him ask questions about the world around him or just talk in general, it was like going back in time and watching himself grow up. Bright blue eyes and all. Except that he'd actually have a father's guidance. Loki was not going anywhere, he was rather happy with this family and he found himself a little reluctant to disappear for weeks or months at a time with friends because he knew he had a wonderful wife and two equally wonderful sons waiting for him at home. Three people he'd much rather spend time with.
Family life, it seemed, suited him.
As they passed the grazing herd of horses kept near Valhalla, most of the horses which belonged to the Valkyries, Loki's gaze diverted from one son to another that was trotting happily with his head held high and eight legs moving in perfect rhythm around the others. So very few knew of the Trickster's parentage on Odin's prized horse, and if others knew they were polite enough to say nothing about it. Vali apparently noticed the change in gaze because he asked, “Daddy, why do you always look at Sleipnir that way when we walk passed him?”
Blinking, Loki looked back to his two-legged son and asked, “What? What do you mean?”
“Every time we go passed him, you get this look like you want to say something or stop and pet him.”
He blinked again. Had it been so terribly frequent and obvious an occurrence that even his youngest son would notice it? “Well,” he said and realized there was no point in lying to Vali, he'd just have to skip the important parts. “Years ago, when Sleipnir was just a colt, I gave him to Odin to take care of.”
“So he was your horse first?”
Loki sighed, “something like that.”
“What's that horse doing?” His son pointed toward one of the Valkyrie's stallions, which was mounting a mare.
Inwardly, Loki shuddered as his own memories of how Sleipnir came to be flooded back. Shaking his head once, he stared down at his curious son and answered as plainly as he could. “He's trying to make baby horses.”
“Is that how we were made? Me and Narvi?” Vali asked without so much as letting a moment pass to think it over.
“Um,” He blinked. How old was Vali now? Six? That was far too young for this conversation. He'd not had the opportunity with his other sons, not that he would have been sure how to explain it to either Fenrir or Jormungandr and thankfully, he'd never had to go there with his daughters. Loki wondered how long he could hold off answering before Vali forgot he asked and moved on to something else. So he kept walking only to realize a moment later that his son was no longer beside him. Vali was standing back where he had been when he asked and was staring him down with his bright blue eyes. Obviously he was stubborn just like his father as well. Loki sighed, he'd just have to evade the topic as much as he could. “Not quite. There's kissing involved, amongst other things.”
That seemed to satisfy the boy enough that he caught up to his father and left a good minute of silence pass before he said, “Mama kisses you because she loves you.”
Loki blinked again. Love? This conversation too? Did Sigyn put him up to this? He sighed again. “That she does, and she loves you and Narvi, too.” That was easier to explain. Every mother loved their children. Well, any mother that was worth her salt, that was. Fathers too. But that was far easier to explain than the complexity of adult emotions.
“I know, she tells us. You love us too, right?”
“Of course I do.” Where was this coming from? Was this why Vali insisted on coming with him today? Not just to spend time with his father but to prod him with questions that sounded very much like they were coming from his mother? Loki lifted a hand and roughed his son's hair. “If anything happened to any of you, I don't know what I'd do.”
Vali made a face. “You don't say it.”
“Well, that's tricky, Vali. Not everyone always says what they mean. Words can lie.” Loki put his hand back down at his side. It was all too true and there was not a single individual, well other than maybe Thor, that hadn't lied at some point. Even if that lie was meant to save someone's feelings from being hurt, it was still a lie. He, himself, had been lied too more times than he could count, which was probably fair since he did his share of lying to others too.
“Do you lie?”
“When I have to.” He didn't generally lie to family, that was sort of the exception to the rule. He was painfully honest with Sigyn, even if he knew the truth would hurt her. But he respected her enough to know that she deserved the truth at all times. He also didn't generally bother trying to lie to Odin. His blood-brother had a way of knowing when he was full of it. “But, and this is important, words can only say so much. It's what you do that is more important than what you say.” Like by showing respect to his wife by being honest with her. Or bringing her things back from his adventures to show that he thought of her while he was gone. “You can say one thing, but do the opposite. Be very aware of what people say versus what they actually do.”
A few minutes of quite passed as they walked closer to Valaskjalf. Then, out of the silence, Vali asked, “Do you love mama?” Loki continued walking, avoiding the question. It was how he always dealt with it when the topic of romantic love came up -he ignored it. Vali stopped walking, grabbed Loki's hand to get his attention and repeated his question, “Daddy, do you love mama?”
Loki stopped and decided that this definitely sounded like something Sigyn had prompted. This was hardly fair, putting their son in the middle. So he turned and stepped in front of Vali, then squatted down closer to his level. “That's complicated,” he answered and ran his fingers through his son's hair.
Vali frowned. He was stubborn, smart and curious. Loki's answer was not nearly the sort of answer he wanted. Staring down his father, he put his hands on his hips and asked further, “Why is it complicated? You kiss her. Either you love mama or you don't.”
Loki couldn't help but marvel at while this son reminded him so much of himself, he had suddenly reminded him very much of Sigyn. It was so simple a question to a child, and perhaps even to his wife, but to Loki, not so much. He cared a great deal for Sigyn, more than for any other woman in his life that he wasn't related to by blood. At this point, he couldn't imagine his life without her. While they occasionally had a row, as was to be expected, not a day went by where she didn't make him smile or laugh in some way. He wanted nothing more than to see her smile or laugh. Loki wanted her happy. But he couldn't put all that into words a six-year-old would understand. So as he looked at his son -who was wearing a very stern expression on his small face, he realized that perhaps the simplest answer would do. “I do.”
“Then I think you should say it.” Vali said almost immediately as if it were the simplest thing in the world to do. “To me. To Narvi. To mama. It would make her very happy.”
“I'm sure it would,” was the only answer Loki could think to respond with and stood back up to his full height. He paused a moment before placing his hand on the back of Vali's head. It was time to divert from this subject completely and now Loki needed a drink. Something he would easily find in Odin's hall. “Come on. Let's go see Odin, and if you promise not to tell your mother, I'll let you try some mead.”