"I don't...know. I don't understand," she said, insisting on something without really knowing what that something was. There was force behind her words, but it was senseless. All of this was senseless. Idun couldn't wrap her head around any of it, and Bragi's words were clear now, but only in volume. There wasn't clarity anywhere else. Not a single word made sense. "I wasn't going to be gone. I wasn't. But..."
But what? Idun was going to declare love. That was the opposite of being gone! That was availability, that was promise, that was an interesting, glimmering, curious prospect. Idun was going to make herself so very present, so very there, and Bragi thought she'd be gone and that was ridiculous. It was illogical. It made her think of that alley, the one with her brother, the brother who was never getting up again. And then Idun was angry. She didn't know why, but she finally remembered how to feel something. "But you threw that knife. You...you threw it and it was buried in his back and now he's gone. You never even knew him. Why would you do something like that to someone you didn't even know? He...he was my brother!" Was. Idori wasn't present tense anymore. He was gone. Because of that knife. Because of the Road God.
Her tears rolled with purpose now, marching down her face angrily to match the emotion she was grabbing at so tightly. "I came here for you. I wanted to talk to you. And...and I watched my brother die instead. I don't want you to do anything. You already did the one thing that could just...shatter everything. I don't even know you. I thought I did, but...but you're not who I thought you were. You're something else entirely. Something bad. Someone...oh Bragi, you're someone I have to hate..."
If there was regret in her tone, Idun ignored it. She loved him. She loved him so much, but the words were coming out quickly and tearfully, and it hurt even worse when she stopped because the silence gave her cause to realize she had to mean it. She had to hate him. Idun couldn't love Bragi. He was a killer. She needed to hate him.
"I need to go. Please. Please, I need to go. I have to hate you, and I need to leave."