Idun couldn't keep talking. She parted her lips to say something else and a choked sob came out instead. She heard that. It was the first thing she heard in quite a while. Years, maybe. She couldn't tell anymore. Hadn't she come here to tell Bragi she loved him? She had just gotten used to that idea, because she had been fighting it so very long and everything needed to be adjusted to fit this new reality. And now everything was different. She looked at Bragi and she looked at his mouth and for the first time in a very, very long time, her first thought was not about kissing him. Idun didn't want to kiss him. It wasn't her first thought. It was her second one, but that second thought filled her with a sorrow that tasted like poison. She was going to drown in it. It was going to eat her alive from the inside.
Idun still remembered that she loved him. That hadn't been erased yet. Until that was gone, she'd want to kiss him. Her first thought was still to run. Run as far and as fast as she could, because he was going to shatter her. He was shattering everything. Tears were sliding down her face, and Idun could feel the heat. It surprised her, and that made the tears fall faster.
"I just...don't...I don't understand," she whispered, each syllable ripping her to shreds. Idun didn't understand, and she couldn't. She knew she wouldn't be able to survive understanding. That would make it real. She couldn't lose her brother and the man she loved, not all at once. It didn't matter that Idun had been prepared to walk away from love. She was just planning on telling him. He still had Jondi. He still had his goddess. But Bragi was going to know. And she would outgrow him one day. But not now. Not if she understood. Not if she lost him like this.
"You have to let go of me. You...you're hurting me." Not physically. Being near him was killing her. She needed space. Just a little bit of space. Idun couldn't breathe, but she could at least pretend. Space would help with that. "I'm sorry. I just don't...want to be here...I want to go."