They still had quite a road ahead of them, but one day, Idun was going to realize that she loved Bragi. She was going to realize it wasn't just a warm feeling of affection attached to an easy, fleeting romance. It wasn't an elaborate lie formed just to hurt her. She was going to realize it had always been love. And she was going to realize when it was seemingly too late, just so when she fought against that too-late realization, there'd be a desperate sort of permanence to the way she finally told him. A stamp of No matter what happens, you idiot to follow the heartfelt declaration of I love you. But they weren't there yet. Bragi leaned even closer than Idun had leaned, but she didn't think about their life together and all their darling babies and centuries of happiness. Idun thought 'I could listen to you read a list of chores and still feel electricity buzz up my spine.'
Her lips were parted because of his closeness, but once Bragi spoke, and the words registered, and he winked, a smile spread like wildfire and she breathed out warm laughter as she gave her head a shake. "Oh, you have no idea how lucky you are, Bragi." His name still felt wonderful to say, but Idun refused to wonder why. She was making a decision to just live in this conversation as she would any other. Enjoy the company without her thoughts spiraling into a mess of What Ifs.
What if I'm wrong?
What if he's sincere?
Idun was going to stop being ridiculous, and just be her usual self. Which, yes, included some degree of ridiculousness, but it wasn't the same. When a god smiled at her, she smiled back. Idun didn't blush and sputter and feel goosebumps begin to form.
And Bragi seemed to be on the same page. He nibbled his lip and hopped on the page of friendship and easy chats and everything Idun was determined to see happen. Except his frown made her frown, and suddenly Idun was a breath away from tossing all her determined thoughts out the proverbial window. Because the more he said, the more Idun wondered.
What if he really is disappointed?
What if he really felt like he'd discovered something worthwhile yesterday?
What if he really is trustworthy? Completely trustworthy?
There was an undefined ache in Idun's chest as she pulled in a breath. Her eyes brightened, but with sadness rather than warmth. She didn't understand why, but there was suddenly something very terrible to the notion of friendship. Idun mustered up a smile. Barely. "Who's to say I can't have children without settling down?" she asked, since she'd always toyed with that idea anyway. She didn't want a husband who betrayed her, a father who would disappoint their children. So why not? Why couldn't she have children her own way? Idun shook her head again. "As for this goddess you're looking for..."
Idun paused, struck by a new question.
What if I give him a chance?
Idun smiled. Not a mustered-up sliver of a smile, but a proper, teasing, warm, beautiful, glowing kind of smile that whispered secrets if you only leaned close enough to hear them.