There it was. The almost smile. Already her insides vaulted from one side to the other, then up and down. Makaria had enough sense to take another sip of her wine while looking off at the distance. She was afraid her rapidly beating heart was going to sell her out and alert Thanatos of her secret. Was it a secret? That she adored him? She knew she hadn't told him sober. Ever.
Because they were partners. Co workers. Friends. And because she wasn't sure what this feeling was. Adoration? A crush? Love? Kinship? There had been a time in her life where every increasing beat of her heart sent her running after that person with abandon. Seeking something she wanted but didn't know how to tame. A sought out feeling she didn't understand.
If she loved someone dearly, they almost always left. They always did. Even if it was for a short time and Makaria hated that feeling. That unsaid line. Is it my fault? Is it me? Do I drive them away?
She had to get over that. She couldn't put anyone through that. And unknowingly, Thanatos had been put through it on numerous occasions. As a child she'd cry when he left her behind to finish his duty after he'd helped her finish hers. Had he ever seen one of her temper tantrums?
Even now she dreaded the moment this picnic was over and they returned to their duties, or their homes, without each other. Whew. She really needed to.. Calm herself.
"I promise not to make you or force you into the water, unless its day time and you can see into the water before hand." Makaria smiled, and peeked over at him from the corner of her eye.
If this was just a crush, it wasn't fair to Thanatos to burden him with her deeper more intimate thoughts. If he didn't feel the same she'd be devastated right now, and if he did and it was a fleeting thing for her, how was that fair? No.
Plus. Daddy would kill them both. Yes. Friends, friends frrriiieeennndddddoh god he keeps almost smiling.
"We should eat your food, it looks delicious." She turned her head, this time to look him in the eye.