For those of you who were happily distracted by the supreme greatness that was my hauntingly multi-colored and spectacularly fashionable accouterments earlier in the school week, fear you not my hootin' and hollarin' friends. Your hearts shall not remain broken. I hold the glueth that shalt pieceth them together. For the miraculous article of clothing of which I speak of, that I so kindly blessed your once ignorant eyes with shall once again be worn by yours truly. Yes, you heard here first, folks. You will be blessed again next week. The answer to your prayers has come. You were once blind, but now you see.
I'd like to thank the academy most of all, for all their hard work into making me the man I am today.
And of course, all of you, who I couldn't have done it without.