Josie was frozen...nothing seemed to matter. Alan was gone...the only boy she thought saw her as more than just a good screw...the one boy she could see forever with...the only boy she had ever wanted forever with...she wanted forever with him more than anything. But now, there was no forever with him, the future she had pictured in her mind had shattered into a million pieces along with her heart. And it was her fault...that's what Toni had said...she drove him to it. Apparently she was such an awful girlfriend that the only way out he could see was to kill himself. She was that horrible to be around. That's why Jacen didn't come to see her, she was a horrible person. All those amends she had made, all the times she had been there for him when he cried, all those times she defended him...that didn't make up for what she said in a moment of shock and anger. And all those times after that moment that he said they would try to work through their issues, that he still cared for her and was happy for her and Alan, all of that was just a lie, because how could someone as wonderful as her brother love someone as awful as her.
Jack and the few others who had stopped by must have not seen it yet. She hadn't yet tainted them. She hadn't poisoned them yet with her mere presence. Mittens, her warm little kitten was curled up beneath her chin, she knew in time she'd ruin him too. The fingers Jack was running through her hair felt nice and then something inside of her snapped. She remembered how Alan always said how beautiful her hair was and ran his fingers though it, he liked how soft it was. She remembered how when they would kiss he's bury his hand in her hair to hold her to him. And how he'd bury his nose in it when they'd make love. All those things she'd never feel again...because of how horrible she was.
Jack had just gotten up to leave when Josie simply murmured, "It's my fault."