Emily Elwood (tearslikerain) wrote in genome_project, @ 2011-05-19 20:49:00 |
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Entry tags: | emily elwood, may 2011, sam monroe |
Who: Sam & Emily
What: A talk/break up :(
When: (backdated), Monday April 25th, afternoon
Where: Moses Pearson's hallway
Rating: Low
Status: Complete
It had been over a week since prom, over a week since Emily decided that she and Sam needed to make their break up official. She didn't want to break up with him, she really cared for him and wanted to try something real with him, something that they decided to do themselves, not decided by one of their peers who were either having a laugh or maybe think they were helping. But she wasn't sure if he even felt anything akin to what she felt for him so breaking up was the way to go. Also...when she spoke to Calvin he gave her a bunch of great seeds of wisdom and she realized something as she was looking over her journal. She wasn't ready...she wasn't ready for a relationship. Not just with Sam, with anyone. In her journal she read poem after poem after poem about her struggle with her power and so many about Jacen and how she pines for him and he doesn't care back. Sure there were some with her confusion over Sam and her....she supposed love, even thought it was really fast, for him. There were a bunch expresses how she wanted to be with him so badly but she knew it wasn't fair for her to force her emotions on him if he didn't feel the same way back. Also...if he did....it wouldn't be fair to start something with him while Jacen still owned most of her heart. Seeing him in the hallway with Annie still hurt and if she was with Sam that wouldn't be right.
Emily took a glance down the hallway and saw Sam standing by his lockers. They hadn't spoken since prom, they went out of their way to avoid each other in the hallway and if they ended up in the same room one of them always quickly left. She wanted, no needed to talk, they needed to talk about this. They owed that much to each other and he was too important to him, boyfriend or not, he was her friend first and foremost. She didn't want to lose that even if their romantic relationship fell apart. She didn't want to lose him like she lost Max, the way she lost Jacen, she couldn't lose him too, he was too important to her. He was that one person who could make the sun come out when it seemed the rain would never stop. Sure she knew that quoting the weather was lame, but that is how she viewed things, and how could she not considering her special skill. She continued just staring at him for a bit...he was so cute and wonderful and sweet, she hated to do this, hope she wasn't breaking his heart and that he'd forgive her. She pushed herself away from the lockers and approached him as quickly as she could. She had seen him, there was not getting away from her now. Emily stopped right next to him,,
"Sam...can we talk?"
Sam jumped. He had been avoiding this. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to know what had been going on between them that suddenly didn't exist. It was a strange roller coaster they'd been riding, and now that he was off again, he wasn't sure he wanted to get back on. It was embarrassing to realize how sappy he'd been, and it was frightening to feel like he hadn't been in charge of his own emotions.It wasn't Emily's fault, obviously, but he was sort of ready to just move on.
"Uh... I uh... I guess?"
Emily noticed him jump and couldn't help the corner of her mouth quirk up slightly at that. He couldn't rush out of the room now, sure he was taller than her and could outrun her if he really wanted to, but honestly how silly would that look. Jock Sam Monroe running away from little innocent Emily Elwood. Probably as silly as jock Sam Monroe dating and acting all cutesy with little innocent Emily Elwood. The little smile vanished at that thought. She brought a hand up to brush her hair behind her ear and glanced down at her hands that were clenched in the material of her skirt. She let go of the skirt and looked up to meet his eyes. Gosh this was hard, it hurt. She was torn between either turning and running like hell away from him or kissing him senseless, telling him that she didn't care that all the sappy feelings were gone, she still wanted to be with him and only him. But however she had already chosen door number three, break up with him, work on yourself until you are worthy of a great guy like him. If you're lucky he'll still be there when you are. Part of her wanted to ask if he wanted to talk somewhere else than the hallway but she felt that every time they decided to talk somewhere else bad things happened so she just needed to do this here, now, get it over and done with.
"So...I guess this is the part where we break up right?"
"Um." Sam scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He had liked Emily. They'd been good friends for a short time before everything went haywire. But things had gone haywire and it was scary. Things had happened around Emily that hadn't happened with any other girl. Unnatural things. Crazy voodoo magic or something. And whether it was her fault or not--and he suspected that it wasn't--breaking up sounded like the right thing to do.
"I um... I guess so." He sighed, "I mean, it's not your fault. I just don't really even know how I feel in the first place."
Emily felt a small ache in her heart when he said he didn't even know how he felt in the first place. She shouldn't be surprised, being thrown into a romantic thing with each other was and then it vanishing was confusing. It does make one wonder if maybe the feelings were always fake that there was nothing there to even begin with. Obviously she knew their friendship had been real, they formed that on their own, before all the craziness. Valentine's Day, the make out session was not their idea, that was not really in...well at least in her character, maybe that was normal for Sam, she didn't really know. Even if Sam didn't know how he really feels, Emily knew how she felt. She had gone over it in her head over and over again, saying it wasn't real that the feelings should go away but they didn't. She had been staring at the strip of photos they got in a photo booth on one of their dates. They weren't that bad, they actually looked normal in them. She still hadn't be entirely sure until she was standing in front of him currently. She liked him, she liked him a lot, she liked him in a more than a friend way. She ran a hand through her hair as she looked to the side.
"I know and it's understandable. Your emotions being messed with so often is enough to confuse anyone. Trust me, I would know," she gave a little laugh in hopes to lighten the mood, even though she knew that it would be hard to lighten something like this. "I don't blame you either, neither of us decided for this to happen. Also to let you know the way I acted. If I was in a relationship I wouldn't act that way. No way at all. It was sort of disgusting am I right?"
"Yeah." Sam sighed, "I wish I knew what happened." He shrugged. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were when they were just friends. It was nice. There wasn't any pressure, and there was none of that nonsense sugary stuff that was way out of his realm of expertise.
"I wouldn't either." He shrugged again, "I don't know what I would call it though." Disgusting to Sam was eating household pets for dinner. Too much PDA and lovey-dovey-ness was just dumb. And not him. "Whatever though. It's over and... whatever." He shifted his backpack to the other shoulder, "I just kinda miss when we were friends. I don't like what happened."
"I do too," Sam seemed to be just as upset over this as she was. That made Emily feel a bit better, at least they both were on the same page about this. Unlike with Jacen where she was crushed and he was just fine. She wasn't exactly crushed over what she was doing, just...disappointed...disappointed that this happened to them, that someone put them in this situation. She was perfectly happy just being friends with him, why did someone feel the need to go and ruin that. She bit her lip and looked at the lockers then back at him.
Emily gave a little smile when he said he wouldn't act that way either, "Well I didn't think that a big jock like you would. I mean me maybe, but I can't really see a jock leaving cute little notes in my locker or typing 'I love you more' back and forth with his girlfriend during classes," she glanced down with a bittersweet little smile before looking back up at him, "Not the most manly behavior right?" Frankly she was going to sort of miss the little notes, sure the messages were horrible and cheesy, but she imagined him being able to put a note in her locker that just said 'I was thinking about you today, hope everything is awesome' or something like that. It was a nice reminder that someone out there picked you, thought about you, wanted you above anyone else. She tucked some hair behind her ear again as she tried to push those thoughts out of her mind.
She could see that he was trying to make it seem like he was okay with the whole thing by saying 'whatever' but all it showed her was that this was as awkward and hard for him as it was for her. "I don't like what happened either and I also miss the way we were before all of this, I just..." she then stopped and came to a decision, "you know what....I'm tired of this. I'm so tired of us always having these awkward conversations where we are both too terrified or confused to say exactly what we're thinking. We meet to talk about something and we end up talking around it and somehow decide on something and end up feeling sort of let down because we didn't get out what we wanted to get out. So you know what, I'm just going to say it, say everything that I want to say. No more skittering around anything, I just need to lay it all out there. I don't want you to feel pressured or anything, I'm not asking for anything like it back, there are just some things I want you to know."
Emily took a deep breath, "I like you Sam, a lot. I like you as a friend and I'm not gonna lie and say there aren't a few feeling beyond friendship that I feel for you. I know they're real because I felt it when I kissed you that second time in the park, when it was a choice that wasn't affected by anyone else. Like I said I'm not trying to make you say anything back or whatever, if you don't feel that way for me, that's fine. Because frankly...I really can't be with anyone right now. I have a lot of things I need to figure out on my own. I need to decide what I want for my future. I've been pulled in so many directions this past year that I'm not even really sure what I want anymore. Also, I wouldn't be fair to anyone if I started something romantic with them when my heart still sort of belongs to someone else," she paused and without thinking her eyes flicked down to where Jacen was talking with Annie, "I need to get over it, totally and completely before I can devote myself to someone else. I have to make sure that I can devote my whole heart to them and only them." She met his eyes again, "I do want to be friends with you Sam, I want to go back to what we were before. And I hope that with everything I just said you still want that too, because I want that more than anything. I miss that. I want to reassure you that I'm not holding you to anything, I'm not telling you that you need to wait for me or whatever. You're a great guy Sam and I know I'm not the only girl who sees that. So, if you find some girl you really like and you want to date her...go for it. You don't belong to me, you never did, and I'll be supportive in whatever you want. I don't want you to worry about hurting my feelings. I want you to be happy Sam....even if it isn't with me." Emily let out a breath, there, that was everything. She hoped she didn't just freak him out with everything, but she wanted him to know everything...well almost everything...she didn't want to spring the whole 'weather control' surprise on him right now. She'd probably tell him...one day. "So...now that you know...everything I want to know if you still want to be friends with me, because I really want us to be friends again."
Sam just tilted his head to the side and listened. He was never particularly deep, artist or not. Maybe he'd gotten too many concussions. Or maybe he was just a regular teenage boy. Whatever the situation, he was still particularly good at listening, even if he didn't need to know all this information about being in love with someone else. It was neither here nor there to him. What had happened between him and her had been fabricated by someone/something, and he wasn't too worried about it. Like Emily, he was not really crushed. Just disappointed. And a little freaked out that someone could have that kind of power over something. It made going invisible a lot less interesting, that was for sure.
When she'd finally finished he nodded. "Okay." He stuck out his hand, "Friends." He affirmed. He'd definitely liked being friends with her.
Emily was pleasantly surprised that he was listening to her, well, at least he looked like he was listening to her. She was relieved that his face hadn't gone into panic mode or he had ran off. She didn't want her whole confession of 'I like you a lot and there are some feelings that are not platonic' to freak him out. Unlike Jacen it wasn't an 'I love you' confession because she wasn't really sure if she could go that far to Sam yet. Sure she was proclaiming it only a few days ago, but that was because of someone else. With him now she had to second guess her feelings with him, which was sort of hard, but it would probably be beneficial in the future. When he nodded and stuck his hand out to her she smiled. She took his hand,
"Friends," she gave it a little shake and let go of his hand. Emily then gave a little shrug, "well, I should probably get going home. Also you have practice today, I remember." Feeling there was nothing left to say she turned and started walking away. Why did she still have that weight hanging over her, what else was there left to say that she didn't say. Then it hit her. One last time. She turned, "Sam." She walked quickly back towards him and looked up at him expectantly, "Could I have one for the road?"
"Yeah. Gotta get some batting practice in. Haven't been hitting as well lately." He admitted. He'd been too distracted. Girls weren't good for sports. He shifted his backpack again, and turned when she did. She caught him just as he was about to reach one of the doors. "One for the road?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow.
A very faint blush came to Emily's cheeks as she gave him a little smile. Boys were so clueless sometimes, but she supposed that with some guys you had to sort of spell things out. But it was so embarrassing. No, no it didn't have to be. It would only be embarrassing if she chose to make it embarrassing. So she wouldn't,
"One last kiss, for the road, for goodbye I guess," Emily looked down quickly not being able to hold the eye contact any longer, "if you don't want to or think it would be too weird, it's okay, I get it. I just....wanted to know what it felt like...one last time."
"Oh." Well, honestly, it was an odd request. But then again, he didn't see himself getting kissed again for a while. At least not in the foreseeable future. Not that he could see the future. So it probably couldn't hurt. Right? He shrugged, "Okay I guess."
Emily saw his reaction and was happy that he agreed. A little part of her was hoping that he'd want it to and wasn't just doing it because she asked. But she brushed that part away, now, how to go to this. The only time she had ever kissed him was in the park that one time and she had been a nervous wreck and had freaked out. She felt a little bit of apprehension afraid she'd be bad at it, but then she realized. This wasn't to prove anything. This was goodbye. This was to give her a little incentive to work on what she had been trying to do for so long. Remind her what she would get once she got a handle on her powers and got over Jacen. She could have a honest and true relationship, with a great guy like Sam or someone else. She didn't really know...but she hoped it might be with Sam. She took a step closer and placed her hands on his shoulders. She pushed herself up on the balls of her feet and pressed her lips to his in what she felt was one of the most magical kisses of her life. She held on for a few moment to let the feeling wash over her and burn itself into her mind before she pulled away and met his eyes again,
"Thanks, I'll see you around." She then turned to leave.
Sam waited for Emily to make her move. It was her kiss, after all. It was nice. And strange. A good bye kiss, but it wasn't as if she was going anywhere. He was still going to see her every day. "Yeah. See you." He nodded, and headed off to baseball practice.