Log: May and Jack Who; May Gwendolyne Parker and Jack Donovan Murdock When; May 12th, morning Where; Faculty building kitchen What; Jack rags on May for sleeping with Normie, and May tells him Exactly What Her Problem With Him Is. This is a really painful log. I wouldn't read it if you're listening to sad music (like I am), emotional (like I am), or prone to tears (like I was).
Shit.
Last night had been ... well, it had been something. A good something, as far as May was concerned. A very good something, even if she was still just a teeny bit weak in the knees. Which may or may not have had anything to do with the fact that May had bolted down to the medlab in the morning to go see Dr. McCoy.
But that was personal.
Now, she was just heading back, jonesing for a cup of coffee -- and stopping at the kitchen doorway. Jack. Oh, fuck. She knew she still reeked of Normie, she hadn't had time to shower yet, and ... the last thing she needed was Jack right now.
Jack was sitting at the kitchen table with an english muffin and a massive book, reading----until a familiar heartbeat interrupted him. He didn't see May all that much these days, and by "all that much" that meant he saw her essentially every day... except for this weekend; he'd been kind of busy. "Oh, hey----" He started to smile, until her scent hit him.
Sex. And Normie. The color drained from his face. He tried to smile anyway. "Gooooooood morning."
"Hi." Stay or go. It was a hard decision, and ... going seemed pretty good. Right. "Just passing by. Have a nice day." With a small wave, May turned, shoving her hands in her pockets and heading for the hallway. Keep walking and maybe he won't think about it too much. Right?
"What? Whoa----hey. I never see you and you're running off?" Jack shoved the rest of his muffin into his mouth, closed his book, and chased after her. "Stay, have some breakfast." Tell me what the hell you were thinking.
He never saw her because she didn't want to deal with his ... reactions. About Normie. "I'm not hungry," she said easily -- and at the moment, her appetite wasn't really there to begin with.
Well, fine then. "You slept with him."
May paused, turning on him. She was tiny compared to Jack, looking somewhat harmless in her pajamas -- sweats and a wifebeater -- but she looked up at him like they were equals. "And?"
Jack held his book against his chest, looking halfway between completely disgusted and somewhat smug. "Without a condom."
May made a face. "That was an accident."
Most people really didn't want to know how Jack knew that, and he didn't volunteer to explain. "So was I," said Jack. Ta-da! "Better watch out." He shook his head with disapproval. About Normie, mostly. He told her not to. He told her to watch out. Didn't she listen? No, of course not. Never.
May suppressed the urge to smack him. "Shut the fuck up. Where the hell do you get off on acting all high and mighty about this, anyway?"
"I told you. You know exactly where I'm coming from on this. He's bad for you, May," said Jack with a frown. That was the problem with Jack. He was gay, he wasn't ever going to end up with May, but he still tried to run her love life like an overprotective brother.
"That's not your call." It was infuriating. In a way, May was still hurting over events that were, what ... seven, eight years ago? Jack had broken up with her. It was over. Her dating life shouldn't have been his business. "It's not your business."
"It is my business, when he tries to kill your father, or when he gets so crazy obsessive that you come crying to me." Jack frowned and went to set his book down. "I know you're never going to listen to me. It's not that I want to be all up on a high horse, May. I don't know about this... this thing that you two have. I just think it's a bad idea. And I think it's definitely a bad idea that you're doing it sans protection." For all Jack knew, getting May knocked up could have been part of Normie's plan. Or maybe Normie had a disease and wanted to infect May and destroy the Parkers that way.
"Back off!" she snapped. They'd both forgotten protection, it was a mutual responsibility that she and Normie had faltered with. She'd taken the morning after pill, and it wouldn't happen again; the last thing May wanted right now was a baby, regardless of the father. Normie ... Normie had changed, he couldn't exactly remove the tattoos, but Jack didn't know him the way May did. People could change. "I don't need you judging me for this. Just ... back off."
"I'm not judging you," lied Jack.
May didn't bite. "You're a shit liar, Murdock."
Jack shrugged and averted his eyes, looking at the ceiling. "It's none of my business." Passive aggressive? A little. But really, Jack knew he had to get over this and let May live her life. He was trying.
"Damn right it's not." May was bitter, and she rarely let it show. "So back off and go ... be gay with Phil or something."
Jack looked back at her, frowning. "What is your problem with him?" It was only fair, since he didn't approve of Normie, but still.
"I don't have a problem with him," she spat. "My problem is with you and your controlling bullshit." Not that she'd ever admit it, but May kind of liked Phil. In a sisterly way. Almost.
"I don't have controlling bullshit!" Jack snapped before he realized how right she probably was. Well, damn. "I don't have a lot of controlling bullshit..."
"Not a lot. Please. You freak out over every boyfriend or man I sleep with like he's fucking you, too!" And it was getting on her nerves. "And then you make me feel guilty for wanting sex from someone you might have a little problem with, giving me nasty looks when I see you."
Jack's fingertips rested against his lips as he watched her. Listened to her. "I don't do that." Yes, he did.
"Yes, you do."
"Yes, I do."
"So stop it. You broke up with me, Jack. That's like forfeiting your rights to telling me who I should and shouldn't sleep with."
Jack looked incredulous. "When we were teenagers! Because I'm gay, not because I don't care about you or your wellbeing."
"There's caring, and then there's a total lack of support when I do something you don't like!" she snapped. "If you were trying to get into my pants, then maybe I'd understand why you're such a dick about me dating ... anyone, but you're not. You're gay. You're my friend. So stop acting like a jealous, spurned ex-boyfriend and just be my friend. I'm getting really sick of feeling like ... like my sex life directly affects you."
Jack flinched, staring at her, and then he had to look away. She had a point. She had several good points. He was just looking out for her, but it got out of hand. He was so protective that it did border on controlling. "Okay. Maybe I'm a little... maybe it's... okay. I'm sorry."
"Whatever." May wouldn't look at him, turning away and walking again. "Just ... leave me alone. I need to go take a shower."
"May, come on----" Jack felt like they were never getting along anymore. He hated it.
"What, Jack? What do you want me to say?" She rounded on him again, angry and ... well, hurt.
"I just... I want you to listen to me when I say I'm sorry. I'm trying," Jack said helplessly. "But I really ... I can't get over this feeling that things can't go well with him and I feel like I have to tell you that because I don't want you to get hurt. I know that's not my place. I'm sorry."
"Maybe not, but telling me what an idiot I am doesn't help. If things go bad, I want you to be there for me, not tell me how stupid I am. I never did that to you. When you and your boyfriends got into a fight, I didn't sit there and tell you I knew all along that they were assholes, even if it was true." She wasn't getting equal treatment, here, and May ... May was tired.
"I am there for you, May! I'm just trying to give you a little advance warning... or... or something. God, please don't look at me like that. You make me feel like such a bastard."
"You're there to tell me what a fuck up I am." May looked almost disgusted. "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of feeling guilty for having feelings for someone other than you, because you always hate them. And you always tell me what bastards they are, what horrible people, and I don't know how to react because I hate fighting with you."
"Do you want me to just keep my mouth shut?" Jack asked irritably, like there was no way she could want that.
"That would be nice, actually." What she really wanted was impossible. It was the next best thing. "If I drive myself into a ditch, I'd rather not have you at my shoulder listing all the things I deserved to get there."
Jack inhaled slowly, pressing his lips together. "Mm. I'll do what I can. I know it bugs you. I'm really trying."
May wanted to yell that trying just wasn't good enough. That she couldn't handle this much longer. That it wasn't fair. Nothing she could think of to say was any good, so she just shook her head and turned to leave.