I've been hanging out with my kid a lot and it's bittersweet. Sweet cause I get to be in her life but bitter because it's a reminder that I'll never get to be pregnant with her or see her grow up. I get pregnant and that's a final death sentence for me. There's no coming back from that and I'll go into Valkyrie heaven like my mom. The only way I'll ever get to hold my own child is if we go the surrogate route and I'm not even sure I'd want to do that cause it wouldn't be fair to Michael to have to juggle raising our child and his wife over and over again for the rest of our lives. Sometimes being what I am really sucks.