Teresa ‘Tess’ Darling (fightforthelost) wrote in freedomtownic, @ 2019-11-02 21:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | ginny callaway (gothy_angst), tess darling (fightforthelost) |
Breaking Down Those Walls
Who: Ginny and Tess
When: The night of this post
Where: Ginny's place
What: Bonding over awful ex's
Rating: M - Mentions of domestic violence
Status: Closed; Complete
After messaging Ginny on the network, Tess made her way over to the other woman's place. She'd paused at a bar on her journey, but decided to take her friend Johnnie's advice and kept walking. Since her arrival on Galador she hadn't touched a drop of alcohol and was now, gloriously, over two months sober. But that itch to drink was still there. Especially when she got to thinking about old times and she'd been thinking about old times too much to be comfortable with lately.
And so, she arrived at Ginny's doorstep, dressed in jeans a light blue collared shirt that she'd borrowed from Morgan's wardrobe (without asking) and rapped lightly on Ginny's door. She couldn't explain it, but she felt a connection with her, as if they were suffering silently over the same thing.
Ginny had just gotten home from having a few drinks at Ryze, and was still dressed in the short navy and gray dress and black high-heeled boots she'd been wearing. Rather than use the time she had until Tess arrived to change into something more comfy, she used that time to make sure to put away any type of alcohol she had on-hand, understanding the struggle the woman was going through and not wanting to tempt her. She put a fresh pot of coffee on, figuring they might end up talking for quite a long time.
When she heard the knock, the pale beauty smiled slightly, walking over to open the door.
"Hi, Tess... c'mon in. Make yourself at home."
Tess's eyebrows shot up when she took in Ginny's outfit. "Holy hell you look amazing," she told her as she walked inside. "I didn't interrupt a hot night out, did I?" She'd feel like hell if she had.
"Aw, thank you!" Ginny replied with a laugh and a playful little curtsy. "No, more like a night of introspection and self-loathing set to loud rock music. So trust me: you texting me was a very good thing."
"Ah yes. Introspection leads to drinking which leads to the dark side." Tess blinked, then sighed heavily. "I've been living with Rachelle for far too long." She should really get a place of her own, but Tess didn't think she was ready for that yet. "I guess I must've had good timing then."
Walking over to the sofa, the curvy brunette gingerly sat down, crossing her legs before patting the seat beside her. "So come have a seat and tell me what's on your mind, honey. I put some coffee on, there's snacks in the fridge... we're good for as long as you need."
"Thank you," Tess replied. She fidgeted a little before finally taking that seat next to Ginny, sighing heavily. "You ever have that... one person in your life that you can never seem to get over?" She asked softly.
"Ohhhhh yes." Ginny laughed, as that had been her exact issue for the last few years. "Her name was Lexi Wilson, and without trying to, she destroyed my heart to where I suspect it's completely irreparable."
Tess joined her hands in her lap and continued fidgeting with her fingers. The act of talking to someone about her issues was something that was long overdue, but it made her feel anxious and itch for a drink as well. "How did she do that?" She murmured.
"Lexi was, at the time, an up-and-coming guitar virtuoso from Los Angeles. One with a very bad heroin and alcohol problem." Ginny said, sighing as she sat back. She knew she was overdue to talk about this in depth with someone.... but it still hurt. "And every time she would come close to falling off the wagon, it was me who was there to help keep her steady. She was... absolutely perfect for me. She was as obsessed with music as I was. She was gorgeous, like a supermodel holding a guitar. And it wasn't just a sex thing... we could literally stay up all night just having long, deep conversations about everything from music to movies to current events.I loved her so much it felt like my heart couldn't handle it. And then she decided to leave me for a barely-legal dhampir that wasn't just her student, but in my band."
Tess puffed out a breath of air. That was a lot to take in. "So... did she fall in love with the girl or was it something else?" She asked softly. She wanted to point out the destructiveness of trying to be someone's crutch like that, but... she knew that she was guilty of the same thing, so she bit her tongue.
"Oh, she did." Ginny said, trying to keep the smile on her face even as she fought back tears. "Even when Lexi felt ready to relapse and just... took off for a year: when she came back? It was Stephanie she ran to. I've had..." She took a moment to think, pursing her lips as those big eyes looked skyward. "Probably 5 or 6 girlfriends since her... and not ONE has lasted. I haven't been able to forge that kind of connection with anyone, and I'm honestly beginning to think I never will."
Tess nodded as she listened intently. She wished that she wasn't right in her initial assessment of Ginny. She seemed like a decent woman. She didn't deserve all that she'd gone through. "I used to think the same thing, but... maybe one day I'll start looking for that person again. Just... Gotta work on myself a while first."
"Yeah... I hear you there." Ginny went silent for a few seconds, before looking over at her acoustic guitar. "That guitar over there... that's the only thing that's gotten me through sometimes. Hell, I just wrote another song about Lexi made me feel like... two months ago."
"Well whoever said that most songs were about heartbreak wasn't exactly lying," Tess replied, smiling wryly as she repositioned on the sofa a little, resting her cheek on the fabric of the sofa and crossing her legs as she gazed at Ginny. Maybe she needed that. Something outside of work to keep her occupied. Maybe a sport or something...
"I'd really like to think that the heart mends again, but... It sure is taking its damn time."
"I just want... to find someone like that, you know?" Ginny asked, sighing as she realized she was making this about HER, when Tess was the one who needed to talk. "Just someone I can have that kind of connection with. But really, I'm being entirely rude here. You're the one who said you needed someone to talk to..." She crossed her legs, sitting back to take a deep breath. "Please, by all means..."
"No, it's alright. I find it... oddly comforting. To know that I'm not alone." Tess shrugged. Being left for someone was one thing, but... "Mine was, is, Ramsey. She was beautiful, but guarded. She had her secrets. I realize now that I just just romanticizing the good times. We were... volatile together." She looked away briefly, nibbling on her bottom lip. It was the closest she'd ever come to actually saying the words out loud. The relationship was abusive. "I loved her, though, you know?" Her voice croaked.
"I do." Ginny sighed, reaching over to squeeze Tess' hand comfortingly. "I can't even say anything... when you love someone? A lot of times you either don't even realize it IS abusive until it's too late, or your mind tricks you into thinking you can change them, or the worst... your mind starts convincing you that maybe it's not that bad."
Tess nodded. "I think I made the mistake of thinking that I could change her. When she left I fell into this... downward spiral." She was trying not to cry, she really was. "I met someone after. Nikki. She tried taking me out of that dark place and I... the fucked up thing is I did the same thing to her that Ramsey did to me." She brushed a hand through her hair. "I mean I didn't hit her or anything. I don't think I could've lived with myself if I'd done that. But. I knew the quickest and hardest way to break her heart and I did it." She started fidgeting again. "What kind of person does that make me?"
"It makes you a flawed, vulnerable, damaged person. Just like me." Ginny told her. "It doesn't make you a bad person... it makes you a person who doesn't know how to handle feelings that aren't hurtful in some way. And that breaks my heart."
Tess sniffled and finally let the tears come. "I think I need help," she finally admitted to herself. She'd been going to AA meetings, but that could only go so far. "God, I think I really do."
"Oh, sweetheart..." Ginny sighed, her heart breaking for Tess. She gently pulled the blonde over to her, cradling her comfortingly in her arms. "You let it all out, honey."
Tess hugged her back, resting her cheek against her shoulder as she finally let it all out, the anguish, the loss, the despair. This was... cathartic. A release that she needed for a very long time. God knows how long they sat like that before Tess croaked: "Thank you."
"It's ok, Tess. We all need someone to hold us now and then." Ginny said, a sad smile on her face. "And damn it... we both deserve to have someone who makes us feel the way the ones we can't get over did."
Tess nodded agreeably. "For now I'm content with Ginny!cuddles. I mean, they're pretty epic." There was the hint of who Tess had been years ago. Before Ramsey and Nikki. Before alcohol. She gave Ginny a lopsided smile. Who she'd been was still in there. Just buried deep.
"Why am I suspecting that it's not the 'cuddles' you're really calling epic?" Ginny asked with a raised eyebrow, trying like hell not to burst out laughing. Playful!Tess was actually quite charming.
Tess's smile widened. "Nah. The cuddles are still epic. The other thing's just an added bonus." Massive boobs were an added bonus. Good for you, Tess.
"I'm here for you, ok? From now on." Ginny told her, giving her a little squeeze. "It's amazing how Rachelle's been there for you. It is. But she'll never understand. Her, Neely, Morgan... they went through bad stuff, sure. But they GOT their happily ever after. They don't know what it's like to suffer and then... have nobody. So you can come to me anytime, for ANYTHING you need."
"Thank you," Tess replied as she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. She hated that she basically ugly cried in front of someone. Very few people got to see that side of her. "And that goes both ways. If you ever, and I mean EVER, need somebody to talk to? I'll be here for you, okay? Us damaged chicks gotta stick together."
Giving a sweetly understanding smile, Ginny slowly reached in to wipe a stray tear from Tess' eye. "I think maybe we're what each other needs to get through this. Someone who gets us." She said, finding herself wondering how anyone could hurt this sweet, lovely woman. "You're welcome to stick around for a while if you like. We don't have to just cry to each other..." She laughed, dipping her head back as she did. "Did you want some coffee? For that matter is there anything I can do for you?"
Tess smiled when she heard Ginny laugh. Despite the seriousness of their conversation it was a nice thing to hear. "Actually, a coffee sounds great right about now." She sighed and closed her eyes briefly, enjoying the comfort too much to want to move. "But let me enjoy this for another minute first," she added with a murmur.
Aw. Ginny just pulled her in closer again, snuggling her tightly. "No hurry. However long you need held? That's how long I'll hold you." For someone who could be such a loner at time, Ginny truly had a warm, loving nature to her.