To be completely honest, Amelia understood Gid's need to get out and wander. Perhaps it was selfish in a small way, but she didn't blame him. Not one bit. Especially after everything. She wanted, nay, she needed him to do whatever it was that helped keep him together. After all, they'd both be useless as parents if they both fell apart at the same time.
As she felt Gideon's arms, she unconsciously let her head lean onto his shoulder as she sighed. How was she doing? He couldn't have chosen a more loaded question. But perhaps that was the point? Lifting up the bottle to her lips before answering, she took another drink and began to open her mouth as she set the rest of the drink down softly. But as she did so she felt hot tears begin to stream down her cheeks, and embarrassed at herself, Amelia turned away. Wiping them off with her sleeve she shook her head and leaned back a bit before laughing at herself darkly. "Sorry, didn't exactly mean to do that," she muttered, closing her eyes and trying to pull herself back together, if only in the slightest.
Sighing again she shook her head, looking down at her hands and lightly picking at her nails and trying to come up with a way of answering his question without ugly crying. "I'm conflicted," she finally answered as to how she was doing. She figured that was the most accurate way of describing what was going on in her mind. "Sometimes... I wonder if it's all worth it. The pain. The loss. The uncertainty of if you'll be whisked away at any moment, or if those you are closest to will be. And then I look at you, and I look at Eli, and I realize how I couldn't give that up just to make the pain stop. It's not like it'd really stop anyway, right? That's all we've got back home too. It's like a war all over again in a sense, except there's no real enemy except the unknown. And I'm tired, so tired, and scared, but I'm happy too, I guess. I'm happy I get this here. A life. A son. We have a son, you know? I still can't believe it sometimes, and then I look at him, and I look at you, and I wonder how I can be so awful, so selfish as to be angry at what I've lost, because look what I've gained."
She finally stopped rambling, and shook her head again, taking another drink. "Am I making any sense at all? I can't tell. Close to a year of not drinking makes one quite a light weight," she half joked, giving her husband a strained smile.
Looking at him though, she ran her fingers gently through his hair and down his cheek, knowing he was feeling if not similar feelings to her, at least something equally heavy. Leaning in she planted a kiss on his lips, lingering for a moment before finally pulling away and repeating his question back at him. "How are you doing, Gid?"