Theodore Alexander Nott (nottybynature) wrote in fourteenshades, @ 2014-09-21 15:35:00 |
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Entry tags: | theodore nott, victoire weasley |
WHO: Theodore Nott and Victoire Weasley
WHERE: House 18
WHEN: Friday night (backdated)
WHAT: Hanging out
RATING: High
STATUS: Complete
I used to recognize myself
It's funny how reflections change
When we're becoming something else
On Friday, Victoire went about her work at the hospital as usual on the outside, but inwardly, she was numb. It was no secret she had been at odds with several members of her extended family over the past six months, and though she’d done her best to let them be and not give them any reason to feel antagonised, it had become painfully clear after her spat with Dominique that forgiveness wasn’t in the cards for her. Somehow she had become the villain in the family she loved so much, and it made her ache to see their hatred seep through the page with even the most innocuous of statements and ink blots. Back home, she’d thrived off their love and approval, needing it as much as she needed air to breathe, and every day here was a struggle to understand the black hole this village had become for her. Combined with the frustration and gaping wounds that seemed to grow deeper and more raw each day, she couldn’t do it anymore.
She was supposed to be at Hermione’s birthday celebration, and she felt awful for skipping it, especially after Hugo seemed so excited. But the thought of walking into the pub and facing all of her relatives was a knife to the gut, and she couldn’t take any more pain that day. So, she’d quietly picked up dinner in the form of takeaway and headed to House 18, hoping her brother was at Hermione’s party with everyone else.
Victoire considered letting herself in, but the last thing she wanted was to give anyone else - especially Theo - another reason to be upset with her. So, standing on the stoop in the autumn chill, she knocked, clutching the bag of food and hoping Theo was home.
*
Denial was an extremely powerful coping mechanism. So powerful, that Theo Nott had been in this village for months now, and he was still clinging to the idea that it was all just some really strange dream. He went about his daily routines mindlessly-- his morning runs, his shifts at the grocery, various errands, cooking himself dinner-- all with the idea that he’d wake up any second, that the tasks didn’t matter.
Until recently, he would’ve been fine with waking up back in his old life. He’d been purposefully trying to distract himself with the company of Victoire Weasley. He just hadn’t counted on developing feelings for her. And it wasn’t an ordinary thing, for Theo Nott-- he wasn’t one to get silly little crushes or anything, but V made him feel differently than any of his other past bedmates had. She liked him. She liked him. Not his club, not his money-- hell, that didn’t exist in this world. And her visits were the only thing keeping him from trying to get out somehow.
When he heard the knock at the door, he bounded down the stairs in his pajama bottoms and long-sleeved cotton shirt, pulling the door open and grinning down at her. “I was hoping you’d stop by.” He ushered her inside and closed the door behind her, eyeing the bag she was carrying. “What’s that?”
*
Just having someone smile at her was enough to simultaneously lift her mood and make her want to break down into tears. "It's just dinner. Chinese. I hope that's okay," she said, her voice a bit shaky. "Can we camp out in your room? I'd rather not run into my brother."
*
Theo nodded. “Sounds perfect. After you,” he said, motioning to the stairs. He grabbed a bottle of red wine from the kitchen with a couple glasses and a tray before heading up behind her.
*
Victoire headed upstairs to his bedroom, slipping inside and beginning to unpack the takeaway. For a moment, she wasn’t sure what to say, until finally she blurted, “I’m sorry everyone treats you like shite here. I mean - I know they’re upset because you come off as an arsehole sometimes, but - when they’d rather give Death Eaters a chance over people like us…”
She shook her head. “Everyone says this place is so great, it’s a second chance, a place to meet people we would’ve never otherwise known, but sometimes...sometimes it feels like one big judgmental herd. It’s like Hogwarts all over again. If they don’t approve of you, or if one of the chosen ones doesn’t like you, then you might as well jump off the bridge and reset, because even most of the decent people are too afraid to cross them, and you’re going to be miserable and lonely the entire time you’re here. It’s like - it’s like being blacklisted. And even if someone shows up who you might get on with--” She bit her lip and looked at him. “Ever feel like there’s a memo we missed about who you are and aren’t supposed to befriend? It just - it just feels like nothing I say or do will ever be enough for them. They’ve decided I’m the shite beneath their shoe, that I’m the arsehole and don’t deserve the time of day. But what have I done? Not taken everything so seriously? Tried to defend myself against my unforgiving jerk of a sister, who’s so convinced I’m a monster for things I haven’t done yet that she’s turned the entire family against me and left me stranded when all I want--”
Victoire stopped herself and took a deep breath. “And you know what the worst part is? They’re completely blind to their own fucking behaviour and the way they’ve treated me for over a year now. I’m sure they’re all sitting there reinforcing each other, assuring themselves that I’m the villain and they’re the ones who are doing the right thing by always taking the things I say the wrong way and never giving me a chance, but if someone else turned around and treated them that way--”
She wiped her reddening eyes angrily. “Sorry. No use in complaining. There’s nothing I can do about it. Besides, it’s not like I’m the only one they do it to.” She looked at him. “Funny how they all think you’re an arse, but in reality, you’re one of the only decent people I’ve met here.”
*
While Victoire launched into her rant, Theo cast a charm on the wine glasses so they remained levitating while he uncorked the merlot and poured each of them a more than full serving. He kept his eyes on her while he did so, floating one of the glasses slowly toward her with a flick of his wand.
He could only nod through it. He was one of the “inside crowd” at Hogwarts, after all. And here, to be a nobody, the one without friends or a support system-- well, it wasn’t all that easy. Maybe the denial helped him cope with it for now, but would he be all right with it in a few months’ time? Would he even still be here?
“You don’t deserve any of that,” he said calmly. “How can they hold you accountable for things you haven’t done yet? Who’s to say you’re still going to do them, now that your life’s been thrown off course? It’s ludicrous, is what it is. If-- when-- I wake up back in the other world, I sure as hell won’t be the same same arsehole I’ve been, taking shite for granted and keeping myself surrounded by all the wrong people.” A small smirk played on his face. “Not to say I won’t still be an arsehole, just-- a different sort.”
*
“You won’t remember this place when you get back,” she said with a small frown. “I’ve been here four times before now. I don’t remember any of it.” Sinking onto the bed, she plucked her wineglass from the air with a tiny, grateful smile. “Sometimes I think maybe it’d be easiest on everyone if I really did just - disappear from here. There must be a way to do it painlessly.”
She paused and looked at him. “I like it when you just say it like it is. You don’t give a shite about what anyone else thinks. Wish I could do that.”
*
Theo shrugged, a small grin still playing on his lips as he sipped at his wine. “Maybe I’ll get your name tattooed on me somewhere. Then I’ll look you up when I get back.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and turned his body to look at her. “At the end of the day, the only person you owe anything to is yourself. I always think-- why should I waste my time explaining myself to people who already committed to misunderstanding me, you know?”
*
“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, either,” she said, though that got a grin out of her. “Besides, I’d be a kid in your time. Pretty sure that’s not your type.” He was right though, of course, hard as it was to swallow. “They really are absolutely committed to reinforcing their opinion of me, aren’t they? I could save a dozen orphans from a burning building and they’d still find something to hate about me.” She sighed. “Thanks for liking me. Really don’t know what I’d do without you here.”
*
“Ah, right.” The damn time travel aspect. He nodded slowly. “Yeah, they’re the arseholes, I’m afraid. Just too self-absorbed to realise it. I probably would’ve thrown in the towel long ago if I hadn’t met you.” He took another sip of his wine. “I tried to get to know your brother. He wasn’t interested. Wish I could get out of his way and live somewhere else.” Not that they ran into each other often, but just sharing a space with Louis was strange enough.
*
Her expression fell. “I’m sorry.” That was clearly her fault, too. “What do you think about - asking the governing board for our own cabin? I don’t want to stay with my family, you don’t want to stay with my family, so - what do you think?”
*
“Don’t be sorry. Not your fault. If he’s not gonna give me a chance, he’s not worth knowing anyway.” He shrugged, grinning. His brow shot up at her suggestion. “I think I’d never want to leave the cabin.”
*
“Don’t give me that look,” she said, though she ran her fingers through his hair briefly. “There’s no guarantee they’ll let us. There might not be a cabin available. But if you’d be all right with it, I’ll ask.”
*
“I’d be more than all right with it.” He brushed his lips against the corner of her mouth. “You don’t deserve to be treated like shite, Victoire. Not by anyone.”
*
She kissed him back properly. “You’re really nice for saying that, Theo. Thank you. I’m sure they see it differently though.” Snuggling against him, she opened a carton of lo mein and dug in.
*
“It’s the bloody truth,” he said, pointing at her with a pair of chopsticks before grabbing up a container of his own. “Who cares how they see it? Maybe someday they’ll realise they’re acting like selfish arseholes, but until then, it’s none of your business what they think. Why don’t you try out that mantra?” He brightened some when he peeked into his container and saw chicken and broccoli.
*
She gave him another kiss on the cheek. “It really is a brilliant mantra, isn’t it? It’s none of my business what they think. It’s - what’s the shite they say about hatred being like holding a flame in your hands and expecting it to burn the other person? It’s not worth it. I can’t win, so…” She shrugged. “Crawl toward the light. Are you really that miserable here?”
*
“So stop torturing yourself,” he said, knowing it was easier said than done. He stabbed the chicken with his chopsticks and took a bite, shrugging. “Not as much. Not lately. I still keep waiting to wake up.”
*
Much, much easier said than done. “You won’t wake up. Not the way you’re expecting,” she said, eating with one hand while the other snaked around him. “For now, you just have to make the best of it.”
*
“So do you,” he said, smirking some. “And why wouldn’t they let us live together? The Governing Board, I mean. If there’s space, will they really have an issue?”
*
“I dunno. I hope they don’t. But I’ve been wrong about loads of things lately, so - I’m not getting my hopes up.” She frowned. “Worst case, if you’d like, you can move in with me and Maman. It’s a bigger house. And she isn’t from a time when I exist, so it might be a little less - awkward.”
*
Theo nodded. He didn’t really understand the whole policing system here, or who exactly served on the Governing Board. He knew he was told when he first arrived, but he’d long since forgotten. Still, the prospect of moving in with V was the first spark of hope that things wouldn’t be more-bad-than-good here forever. “I’ll do that, if you want. Sure.”
*
“Hopefully it won’t come to that, but if it does.” She took another bite of her food and hesitated. “I really, really wish I knew you back home.”
*
Theo laughed some. “I’d practically be an old man to you back home.”
*
“There is that pesky twenty-year age difference,” she murmured. “But once I’m in my late twenties or thirties, it wouldn’t matter so much. And we’re just perfect here.” V paused for a moment. “Have you found out what’s in your future at all?”
*
He snorted. “Wouldn’t matter so much? By then I’d need a potion to keep my cock hard.” He wrapped his arm around V and gave her a squeeze. “No. What d’you mean?”
*
“Oh, so I wouldn’t be enough?” she said with a laugh, and she paused eating long enough to give his cock a squeeze through his trousers. “Hmm, maybe I’m not enough now. And I mean - your future. If you marry. Have children. All of that.”
*
“‘Course you would be, but I meant-- over fifty, most men-- they need some assistance.” He wrinkled his nose. “Maybe I’ll be the exception. And I’ve-- Oi!” He tickled her side in return for squeezing him. “No, I haven’t. Not sure I’d want to know.”
*
She laughed and tried to wriggle away from him. “Unless you want lo mein all over your bed, I wouldn’t recommend that,” she gasped. “Don’t blame you for not wanting to know. Someone told me mine accidentally, and it messed with me a bit. But - you really aren’t curious at all?”
*
Theo thought on it for a moment and then shook his head. “No. I don’t like feeling that I don’t have control over my own future.” Besides, he was fairly sure he’d be alone… and that wasn’t a potion he was ready to swallow.
*
“You have control over it here,” she said. “Life in this place doesn’t have to be anything like it was back home.” And hadn’t been, at least not for her. “Knowing I don’t fuck it all up back home - it helps, I think, sort of. Other than the part where the few conversations I’ve had with the boy I marry were awkward as hell. But much of a rollercoaster as it’s been, I’m really glad I’m here. All of it’s been worth it just to meet you.”
*
“Yeah, no kidding. Back home I was hardly ever in my flat, and here-- I try to stay here as much as possible. I had friends back home. A job that actually challenged and excited me. But I never met anyone like you, so now… guess I’d have to agree that it’s been worth it.” He finished off a few more bites of chicken and broccoli and reached his chopsticks into her container for some lo mein.
*
It was scary, being the reason it was worth it for him. But it also made her warm from the inside out, and she angled her container so he could help himself. “From now on, we focus on us, all right? On making the most of this. If you hate your job, we’ll find something to challenge you outside of it - something we can maybe turn into a service, or a product somehow, so you won’t have to keep working there. And we’ll enjoy this place together. Us against the world and all that.” She gave him another small smile. It hurt like hell, separating herself from her family like this, but difficult as it would be, deep down inside, she knew it was the right thing to do. Crawling towards the light. Spending time with people who didn’t make her miserable, and whom she didn’t make miserable in return. When they returned to their real lives, everything would revert back to life before. But since they weren’t there yet, all they could do was make the most of it now.
*