Albus S. Potter (blueseaweed) wrote in fourteenshades, @ 2012-08-26 14:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | albus severus potter, evan rosier |
WHO: Albus Potter & Evan Rosier
WHAT: Evan is teaching Al how to control his emotions. Or attempting anyway.
WHERE: Bench along the path.
WHEN: Sunday afternoon
RATING: PG
STATUS: Done
There was a chance that Evan should have stopped and evaluated his choices and how worth the trouble this would end up. Still, the idea was to lull Albus into a false sense of security and play on his fears and desires while seemingly behaving like a good friend. It wasn’t the nicest thing he could do but then he couldn’t claim to be the nicest boy. To others? Yes. To himself? No. It didn’t really matter, though. As long as Albus thought he was, that was all that mattered. He picked at the jeans he was wearing and the t-shirt, wrinkling his nose. This was what children apparently wore. He’d much rather nicer things, but he was saving his money for the snake he was going to get and this was cheaper. Perhaps if his papa showed up, he’d get nicer things. Until then, he chose to rely on himself for what things he needed. He didn’t want to burden Narcissa any more than he wanted to be indebted to her.
He was waiting patiently on a bench for Albus to show up, quietly levitating things out of boredom. He wanted to learn something complicated and interesting. Theodore was going to teach him, though. Teach him Dark Magic. He tried not to smile to himself at the realisation that that was exactly what had started Albus’ outburst: not being able to learn Dark Magic. It was funny how those things worked out.
Alby wasn’t a complete idiot. He sensed Evan wasn’t his biggest fan given the other boy seemed to find reason to poke at him, especially over his love of hugs and constant chatter. However, Al didn’t have much choice other than to befriend the future Death Eater. The only others their age were girls and no matter how much Al wished for Scorpius to be his age, he wasn’t going to suddenly turn thirteen. He was stuck with Evan which wasn’t totally bad, especially given Evan was willing to help him control his emotions. No one seemed to understand Alby didn’t care about the Dark Arts themselves. He cared about making the choice. It was insulting to have decisions made for him, particularly by those who claimed they trusted him. For all his sweetness, Hufflepuff had not been in the Hat’s plans for the boy. No, Ravenclaw suited Alby, but Slytherin actually wasn’t that far from him. Was he too much like Harry? Al didn’t know, but even if he didn’t land in the house of snakes, he held a certain appreciation for it. He wanted to achieve greatness, he wanted to be important, he wanted to change the world...
He didn’t think that would happen through Dark Arts, but that wasn’t the point. He came a long way from that first year where he fretted about his sorting; in truth, it seemed funny he wasn’t placed in either Dumbledore’s or Snape’s houses. Back then, he wanted Gryffindor, of course, but the idea of getting what he wanted through any means necessary appealed to the boy. He never wanted to deliberately break the rules before, but if everyone was going to treat him like a silly child, he was ready to prove them wrong. Perhaps Slytherin would have been a second choice for the hat...Al would never know nor did he care. He was angry and he was ready to do something, anything, to get back at those who hurt him. It wasn’t a kind feeling and he wasn’t accustomed to it, but it wasn’t like he would strike back at them. No, just knowing they wouldn’t like what he was up to was enough rebellion for Al. Right then anyway. Not that he’d ever let himself become completely cut off. No, never.
All those feelings did him no good. Evan was right. If he wanted to be respected, he needed to control them. He only hoped Evan could teach him something like that. He guessed he was about to find out. He arrived when he said he would though he was nervous about seeing Evan alone. “Hullo,” he said more quietly than he usually did. He slid next to Evan on the bench and smiled. “What’s going on?”
While Evan didn’t make a big deal about Albus’ presence, he did notice it. It was hard not to notice things when you spent most of your time observing. Did he miss things? Yes. It’s just that he was usually pretty good about noticing them. He offered him a smile that seemed perfectly genuine. “Hello,” he replied, calculating the way that he should act. Albus had a fondness for physical contact. He didn’t, but there were things that could be ignored for a good cause. “Nothing really.” He shrugged slightly. “Are you doing okay?” It was a test of sorts to see how the question would make him react visibly and emotionally. It was best to know for sure what he was dealing with.
It was then that he broke his general rule of not touching unless it was necessary. He reached out, lightly placing his hand over Albus’. He’d seen his father do it countless times when his mother was upset. If he was right, the gesture should be comforting. Then again, he could have interpreted it wrong. He watched him quietly for a moment, only a hint of the curiosity he felt showing in his eyes. His control wasn’t complete itself, but it was strong enough at twelve, that he thought he could figure out how to teach someone else. He would just have to find a way of explaining it that didn’t make it sound the way his father had explained it.
“Have you spoken to any of them yet?”
The touch surprised Alby, especially since Evan chose his hand. Hugs were intimate, of course, but something about two hands touching seemed more so. It didn’t bother him though he wondered why Evan felt better about the hand gesture rather than a plain old hug. He smiled again, but pulled back his arm back first chance he got. Al didn’t ask about it, but he noted to remember if Evan ever needed a friend, he’d tap his hand rather than hug him. “Who? Theodore? My family?” He glanced toward a line of ants marching down the road instead of the boy next to him. “Some. I don’t really want to be friends with Theodore anymore, but I still like my family even I don’t trust them.” After a beat, he added, “Some of them that is.”
There was no fight when Albus pulled away. He didn’t really care to. The response made him nod a little. “Because he isn’t teaching you now?” He’d never understood the point of not talking to people because you were upset with them. The point had always been about finding out their weaknesses and using them. Evan was aware that the situation had upset Theodore on some level, but not really how much. He could use it, but he wouldn’t...for now. His reasoning behind that wasn’t really concrete. He still didn’t entirely understand it. “Don’t trust some of them or don’t like some of them?” He peered at him curiously for a moment.
“Not that he won’t teach me, really, just...if he meant what he said about controlling it, why is it different now? Just because some people said no? Since when does he care about that? We were supposed to be friends.” Alby rested an elbow at his knee, leaning his chin into his hand so that he could avoid Evan’s eyes. “I like my family, why wouldn’t I? But they took choices away and that is wrong. I’m thirteen, not three.”
Evan was quiet as he listened. “It sounds...troubling.” He had no idea why Theodore had chosen not to. Not entirely. He thought about what to say next carefully. “Your heart,” he started, letting it sink in. “No one told you how to guard it, did they?” His father had explained it all so well to him. “When people know your heart, they know how to hurt you more keenly than anyone who doesn’t know it.” His gaze dropped. “And that is why family is the most difficult. They can see.” But he’d given his heart away, had it locked in a safe so no one could touch it. No one could have it. Even at ten, he’d understood that.
“But I will help.”
Al frowned at Evan’s words. How could anyone help showing emotion? He knew some people were more guarded than others, but no one could simply not feel, could they? He wondered about Evan then. How much did he feel? Was he born the way he was or did he learn? Alby thought it must be the latter if Evan was offering to teach him to control his feelings. Alby really only wanted to keep them in check, not locked away, but maybe Evan was on to something. “You think you can? Really?”
“Of course I do.” He offered him a small smile. “At least I will try.” He bit down on his lower lip briefly. “But it is what you want, isn’t it?” He had to be sure. It was pointless to put so much effort into something that wouldn’t go anywhere. “I would like to be of use, but I am afraid that it will not be much good if it isn’t what you would like.” He glanced down at his lap, allowing his thoughts to focus. Then he allowed a moment of doubt to flicker across his face, as if he were uncertain. He wasn’t, but...appearances were everything. “I may not be very good at games or anything other children seem so skilled at, but I am good at this.”
“I can help you with that,” Alby replied, latching on to the last of Evan’s statement. “If you want?” He nodded then, indicating he meant he was ready. “I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t mean it.” Unlike other people he kept his word.
Evan smiled a touch before nodding. “I think that would be nice.” It would at least be diverting. Maybe he’d gain some understanding of the other children in the village because of it. They all seemed so...different from himself. Helena was the closest thing he found. “Then I will help you.” He paused for a moment before saying, “The first thing to remember is that emotions are useful...to a degree, but they can cloud your judgment and make you say and do things that are probably unwise.” He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully for a moment. “You have to remember that you’re stronger than what you’re feeling. Do you understand?”
Al scratched his head, but he saw the sense to what Evan said. Thinking before speaking and all that jazz. Alby had gotten better as he grew up, but reigning in his chatter was still problematic. He liked talking things out. “I get it. Deep breaths and don’t reply when angry?”
“That’s a start. Counting sometimes helps.” He wondered idly how people got along expressing themselves so openly. Even Theodore had allowed himself to feel something more than he probably should have. What was the appeal? “My papa once said that no one can make you feel something unless you let them. That is what I always remember, but we can find something that works for you. If breathing works, then we will use that.”
“How will we know? Do I need to keep a diary or something? Scorpius would probably say something like that. He likes charts.” Realizing he couldn’t ask his best friend if that was a correct assertion bothered Alby, but he pushed the thought away. Scorpius was part of another group, an older group. No matter how much the Malfoy boy tried, that couldn’t change. All Al could do was focus on his friendship with Evan and the others.
Evan almost laughed. Almost. “You’re overthinking it.” Tilting his head slightly, he watched him. “Just try something. If it works, then perfect it. If it doesn’t, then find something else.” He had a thought. Without warning, he pushed him off the bench just to see. It was a test in a way. He had to know how he would react. He would apologise later.
Al didn’t have good balance when someone wasn’t pushing him so he fell off quickly and with a loud thud to boot. “Hey! What did you do that for?” He rubbed his arm which got scraped in the tumble. “I didn’t do anything,” he muttered as he pushed himself to his feet. Other boys might have shoved back or thrown a hex, but it didn’t cross Alby’s mind. He mostly wanted to know why the heck Evan suddenly threw him off the stupid bench.
Evan watched him evenly. “To see how you would react when you weren’t thinking about it. It was a test.” He glanced down for a moment. “I’m sorry if it was unexpected, but it wouldn’t have worked if I’d told you it was going to happen.” To some other person, it might have seemed very rude, but he had a reason behind it. “I would like to say it wasn’t meant to upset you, but...in a way it was if only to see how you’d react and whether you would try to keep from getting upset.”
He guessed he failed then, but who the heck wouldn’t get irritated in that circumstance? He glared at Evan’s apology and explanation though his analytical side told him the kid made sense. Now the question was whether Alby could ever get pushed off a bench and not get upset about it? “Who wouldn’t?” He countered when he felt less betrayed.
“Would it make you feel better if you pushed me?” He stood slowly, looking up at him neutrally. He wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of being pushed, but perhaps it would help. He wouldn’t react to it at any rate. “Are you hurt?” He didn’t know how to make it better, but he thought it was best to check as opposed to acting like it was unimportant.
“Uh, no.” Articulate? No. But Alby wasn’t the type to want to hurt back. Even as mad as he was at Lily, he still told her he loved her. “I mean, it was just part of the lesson. Forget it, mate.”
“Yes. It was.” Sort of. Evan nodded, glancing down briefly before looking up at him curiously again. “You have to be prepared for anything and to keep your feelings under control at any time. Something could happen anywhere.” He hummed quietly for a moment. “Try focusing on what it is that makes you the most upset. Something that would make you react even though you’re only thinking about it. Then practice trying to keep yourself from reacting. That’s something you can do even when I’m not there.”
Alby pictured his friend’s betrayal, but also his family’s easy dismissal of his thoughts. Immediately, he clenched his fists. If Evan hadn’t warned him about reactions, he wouldn’t have even noticed. “Oh. Like that.” No one said he wasn’t a good student. Still, understanding the concept was different from practice. Would he ever control his emotions? Should he?
“Yes,” he replied evenly, a smile briefly capturing his lips. “There are usually tells...which can be erased with time.” He was still working on that. If his father was here, then he would be fine. His father would help him to be better. He would. But he wasn’t here, so Evan would have to find a way without his guidance. “But if you can find a way to keep from giving into your emotions, from going off on rants and the like, then I think you will find it all the better.”
“I think you are right.” Alby figured he would still be able to feel, but he would at least have a handle on making himself look foolish. Then everyone would have to respect him.