Arianna Dumbledore is unsure. (sweetflower) wrote in fourteenshades, @ 2013-05-18 23:01:00 |
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WHO: Arianna Dumbledore and Analisa Montgomery
WHAT: Ari is talking to herself, and Analisa eavesdrops.
WHEN: Late afternoon, day of the dragon
WHERE: Lakeside
RATING: PG--though a bit dark...possibly.
Arianna stared at the calm waters of the lake. Not one ripple disturbed its smooth surface, and though part of her mind told her to walk into the lake, she would not be the one to break the smoothness. Her despair had given way to anger, and she felt it spark at her fingertips. She remembered her conversation with Godric regarding the desire to learn how to use a sword so she could fight dragons and save herself. She remembered her promise to Regulus that they would keep each other from being sad. She remembered it all, and it hurt. It hurt to think that she had lost that part of her that made her fiery and brave. She was docile, meek, quiet, and sometimes frightened by her own shadow. She did not take risks. She did not enjoy life, nor was she willing to fight for herself.
That was what made her angry. Before the accident that sent her father to prison on her behalf, she was fearless. She climbed trees and ran nearly wild. She laughed and teased, and she did not know a stranger. And she was mad. For a short time, she thought she was healing. She believed she was getting better, that her mind was clearing. She allowed Albus Potter to teach her how to ride a bicycle. She opened up to a few about her life. She learned to trust and love those who were not Aberforth. She was happy. Then she was incredibly happy, and she was reminded of what it was like to be that undamaged child. The affects of the love potion brought her to life, and then it was gone. Completely and utterly gone. When changing her look did not work, when the potion did not work, she was ready to let the darkness have her again. Then she was six again, and everything was perfect. She had her brother. She had friends and people who looked out for her. She was having an adventure, and she would learn how to use a sword. But that, too, was taken from her.
When she had emerged from the dragon's cave, despite her sprained ankle, Arianna had run. She went to the apothecary and made a salve for burns and one for cuts. Then she ran again until she had reached the lake. Her journal was with her so she could make sure the others were safe. She hated the talk of food as comfort. She hated the way Gilderoy had screamed while she merely stared at the beast before hiding. She hated the way she hid. Above all else, she hated that. She did not curse fate for her lot. She cursed herself, and she realised, the moment she saw the dragon and froze in terror, that she was the only one who could change it. She needed help. She needed her brother and her friends to push her. "They have to stop walking on eggshells around me," she said aloud. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Why did you leave, papa? Why did you tell them you had done it, when you knew it was me? I do not blame you, but it was my fault. No matter what they say, it was all my fault. I must accept this, and I must fight, but I cannot fight alone, and I do not know if they will fight with me."
She walked along the water's edge a ways. She did not want to return to the others. She did not want them to ply her with food and tales of the dragon. She did not want to see any of them, save, perhaps, Gilderoy. "Though I may simply snap at him, and he does not deserve my anger." She sighed and sat on the shore, her knees hugged to her chest. "I wish you were here, Papa. You would know what to do."