rose_az (rose_az) wrote in fourteenshades, @ 2013-04-06 19:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | rose zeller, x-davis johnson |
Who: Rose Zeller and Davis Johnson
What: Dealing with feelz. They're both from a future in which they've dated, and had a really nasty break up :p
Where: Rose's house (Don't worry Nate, they'll be quiet)
When: Saturday, April 6th.
Rating: PG13 for some language
Status: Completed in G-docs!
Rose sat staring blankly at the words written between her and Davis on her journal page, and just reading his handwriting again made her heart ache and her stomach turn. From what it sounded like, Davis was back from a time where their breakup was old news and had blown over. But for her... for her it wasn’t the same. Nearly three whole years they had been together, only to have it massively blow up in their faces less than a week previously. She could still remember the scathing words that poured from her mouth about him, things she still couldn’t decide if she wanted to take back or not. And of course the opposite side of the spectrum: the terrible and mean things Davis had said to her.
It was safe to say no matter which way you spun it, it wasn’t pretty. To be honest, she wasn’t even positive she could take seeing him now. She was still so angry, so hurt, so confused. And the band? It was finished, done for, finito. And she couldn’t begin to comprehend what that meant for her future. She couldn’t see herself making music with anyone else but her original band, but now that Davis was no longer there, she couldn’t see herself continuing on with it. So instead, just 24 hours before she got sucked into this village for a second time in her lifetime, she had made the public announcement that Nox had broken up. Less than an hour later she was on a plane to Mexico, as far away as she could get from the drama, media, and the thought of Davis.
And now? She was confined to a small village area where no matter how hard she tried, she was bound to run into him. So she figured she might as well get this confrontation over with now. Sighing, she heard the sound of someone walking up to the door. Without waiting for a knock, she swung it open to reveal the man who just broke her heart. The thought made her eyes almost instantly fill with tears, but she stubbornly held them back. She would not seem weak in front of him, especially not now. “Hello Davis,” she said curtly and quietly, managing to give him a small smile to go along with her greeting before stepping aside to admit him into her house.
He'd been here before. It had been years, but this place was familiar- and the things he'd learned, back then, had all come back to him. Magic, secrets about Rose, things she'd hidden from him. Of course, some of those secrets had been things she had shared, eventually- but maybe that didn't matter, when she'd kept them to herself for so long. It was easy, still, to get irritated by those little things, even though it had been months since they'd broken up.
He had lost his best friend, and that had been completely shite. They'd been friends since they were children, and it wasn't easy for Davis to just cut himself off from Rose- but it had seemed necessary, at the time. If they couldn't trust each other, then what was left? When she'd rather believe rumors than him, second-guessing his every move and treating him like a damned child... It still made him mad, even months later.
But despite that, Davis missed her. For as much as Rose drove him absolutely mad, well... she drove him mad in the best ways, too. It was more than just the music- though he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss that, too. For years, she'd been the one he'd shared most everything with- and it was hard to adjust from that.
Now he was here again, and- from the looks of it- Rose was still more than a little irritated with him. Not that Davis could really blame her, but... all the same, he wanted to fix it. He'd gone months without her, and he didn't want to go longer yet- even if that meant pulling her, kicking and screaming (perhaps literally) back into their friendship.
The smile was encouraging, and Davis offered one of his own in return. "Rose," he greeted her, omitting a more familiar nickname for now. He walked inside as she let him, adding, "It's- good to see you." That much was true, anyway, even if this was likely going to be pretty horrid.
Closing the door behind him, she leaned against it as he said it was good to see her. She didn’t turn for a moment, taking the time to collect herself and figure out how to even respond to such a simple statement. It was crazy to think, especially with how easy things had been between them for years. It was like the flowing stream of friendship between the two of them had been dammed up, and she didn’t know how to fix it. She didn’t know how to fix them.
Finally sighing and turning around, she took in his appearance. He looked just like he always did, except the tiniest bit older. Like he had seen and done things in the past several months that had given him age and wisdom, or some shit like that. The thought made a smile pull at the corners of her mouth, actually wondering for real what he had in fact been up too. But the longer she stared at his face, the more she wanted to hit him and kiss him at the same time. She hated the tumultuous feelings going on inside her, hated this place for bringing them back like this. Why couldn’t things ever be simple for once?
Finally choosing to just not respond, Rose pushed away from the closed door and made her way to the kitchen while motioning for Davis to follow. There was absolutely no way she was going to get through this without some sort of alcohol. Rummaging around in the fridge, she managed to find some and pull it out, turning and holding it up. “Do you want a beer?” she asked, pulling one away from the plastic rings and sliding it across the counter to him before he had time to give her a definitive answer. Popping it open and taking a drink, she set the can down and spun it slowly between her two hands. “So, what did you want to see me for?” she asked, meeting his eyes and giving him a gentle stare. Probably the first she had managed since she laid eyes on him in the doorway. “Anything specific or just a friendly catch up session with your ex?”
The words, for once, didn’t come out venomous or cruel, merely tired and exhausted sounding. At least it was a step in the right direction for her.
He didn't really have to answer whether or not he wanted a drink- months between them or not, Rose knew the answer to that question well enough. Davis caught the can she'd slid across to him, and popped the top easily, taking a slow sip. This at least- the two of them, drinking- was familiar enough. How many nights had they had, like this- drinking, jamming, and whatever else came afterward? Too many to count.
"Just... wanted to see you," Davis offered. It was a shite reason, and not much of an explanation, in the end. "It's been months for me, and- well, hell, Rose." He frowned down to his beer, then took another sip. Davis hated thinking of her as merely 'his ex', even if it was a true enough description. "Life's shite without you." That may not have been what she wanted to hear, but he owed her the truth.
They hadn’t spoken in months? The thought even now, even after they had fought, broken up and she had run away to Mexico, still broke her heart. And it never got any better? Had they even talked since that night? Don’t dwell on it, Rose, she told herself sternly, trying to move past that. But it still weighed on her mind, even after that. Besides, they had been friends since childhood. She still couldn’t believe that it all went to crap after they started dating, and she still beat herself up over letting that ruin their friendship, ruin them.
But the breakup was still so fresh, and it still hurt so damn much. And him being here and now, in her kitchen and telling her he missed her, and life was crappy without her... The worldview she had started to get used to without him shattered. What if in the future she felt the same? What if in the future she was empty? Or... what if she wasn’t? What if she was happy with her decision, and it was just Davis who was miserable?
The thoughts hurt her head, and the logical side of her wanted her to believe that she could never have a whole future without him in it in some way. “Davis I...” she started, before her voice cracked just the slightest and she bit her lip hard to keep herself from crying. “It’s only been a week for me... less than 24 hours ago I announced the end of Nox, and everything from that night... it still plays over and over in my mind and it hurts. You don’t even understand how much I hurt right now..” she said quietly, shaking her head and looking down at her beer can intently.
“I just don’t know what to do right now. Part of me wants to tell you I missed you too, part of me wants to tell you I love you and if you ever leave me again I’ll kill you, and part of me wants to hit you and throw you out and say I never want to see you again. And I just... I don’t know,” she said, finally cracking and a tear managed to slide down her cheek. She pressed her face to her hands, trying to calm herself before it got any worse. “I’m sorry,” she managed to get out through her fingers, not knowing what else to say.
The events she was talking about had been months ago, for him, but that didn't mean that they hurt any less. If something important enough was taken away, it hurt, no matter how long it had been- Davis had learned that lesson the hard way. "I do understand, Rose. I've been living that for months, even if it's only been days for you."
He pulled a stool up to the counter, sitting down and looking across to Rose. He didn't mean to stare, but he hadn't gone this long without seeing her since she'd been off at school, and even that had been different, then. At least, then, they'd still talked, or written. He didn't want to see her cry, and- "Don't apologize," Davis said, firmly. "We both fucked things up, Rose. I can admit that. We fought about the dumbest shite. I wouldn't be surprised if tiny little you picked me up and threw me out the damned door, tears or not." He hadn't often seen her cry, and Davis knew well enough what that meant, for her- how much something had to really get to her, for her to break that way.
Davis wanted to reach over to her, but hesitated- he didn't think the advance would be welcome, no matter how upset she was. "I don't know, either," he admitted. "I can tell you I want to fix us, but I haven't a damn clue how to do that. If it's even possible."
Knowing that he was hurting too oddly enough helped her feel the slightest bit better. Maybe that meant everything between them wasn't completely lost, not yet anyway. Maybe they could fix this, if they tried hard enough. Or maybe it would be a moot point and still end the same. Either way she didn't want to never see Davis again, like the situation he implies about their future. She never imagined it would get that bad.
But after his words, she managed to hiccup once more before pulling herself together. Wiping the tears from her face, Rose managed to finish off her beer before pulling herself together enough to speak. "I don't want to toss you out, Davis. Not again," she said with a sigh, shaking her head. "I don't know any more than you do how to fix this, but maybe we can, somehow." She looked at him, then down at her empty can again, before looking back to him. "Do you want to go watch a movie or something?" Sure, it was small and fickle, but it was something.
Plus she'd be lying to herself if the idea of sitting close to him wasn't appealing to her. Furious or heartbroken, she still found him extremely attractive. And in this instance it only fueled her confusion, but at least she had something sexy to look at while she was totally lost in her own thoughts.
Well, at least she hadn't outright rejected the idea of fixing things between them, as he'd nearly expected her to do. Even if neither of them had a clue how to go about it, if they both wanted to, well... that was something, right? Hopefully?
"Yeah, let's go," Davis replied, simply, finishing his own beer before standing. He wanted to pull Rose into an embrace, to wipe away her tears- and, selfishly or not, to snog her like mad- but he hesitated. Too soon, much too soon. (Right?) "Wizards still have movies here, then, eh?"
Had he kissed her, she wasn’t 100% sure she would have pulled away or told him no. Rose liked to tell herself she would, because inside she was still furious about everything the past few weeks, but in reality she still loved him. And that didn’t just disappear, even with all her anger and uncertainty.
Besides, wasn’t one thing this place always preached last time was this was a chance to do things over, get things right? Well, maybe it was possible for them to do that. She wasn’t sure yet, but baby steps were the best way to find out. So taking the rest of the beer and moving into the living room, Rose turned on the telly and popped in a generic comedy. To be honest, she hadn’t even looked at the title before putting it in and turning it on. She was more wrapped up in her own thoughts, and she looked over at Davis. “Have you dated anyone since... we broke up?” she asked suddenly. She wasn’t sure why she wanted to know, but it seemed like pertinent question to ask. Rose wouldn’t have cared if he did, okay well maybe a little, but she also understood that it was natural as well and she wasn’t going to be mad at him for it. She just wanted to know.
He had been so angry, for so long. It had been surprisingly easy to hold onto that- easier to do that than to work through all of the shite they'd done and figure out where to go from there. When they'd been younger, before they were together, Davis had fallen into habits- he'd hook up with Rose just as often as he hooked up with other random girls. He'd given that up, of course, once they'd been an item- and even though, in the end, she hadn't trusted him not to stray, he never had. After things had ended between them, he'd wanted to find someone new. It would have been easy enough- for either of them- to find a more than willing fan who'd shag them all the way out of loneliness.
But he hadn't. Rose might have, in her time away- hell, she'd run away halfway across the world to avoid him- but Davis hadn't. Every time he thought about it, he just got irritated- at those girls, for not being Rose, and at himself, for wishing they were.
Still, the question caught him off guard. Davis had joined Rose on the sofa- not too close, mind you- but he turned toward her, raising an eyebrow. He'd tell her the truth, though- he knew better than to try, otherwise. "No. Be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it- sure would've been nicer to have a girl and not my right hand to keep me company- but-" He shrugged, sinking back into the sofa. "Never did. Never seemed like- the right time for it." Which was strange to say aloud- and probably stranger still for her to hear. He'd never been so careful about the whens, wheres, and whos of hookups, before.
No one? No one at all? The omission surprised her, especially after all of the random hookups over the road. She tried not to give extra meaning to his words, but her mind couldn’t help it. Was it because he missed her, wanted only her? It couldn’t be that, right? Rose didn’t have enough confidence in herself to believe someone could really only want her that much. But it was still a surprising statement, to say the least. And at the part about his hand keeping him company, Rose rolled her eyes and playfully slapped him on the arm. “Such a classy man you are, Davis,” she giggled slightly.
And there it was... that natural friendship and easy conversation between the two of them. She couldn’t comprehend not having that with him for months, let alone a few days or weeks. Even after they went their separate ways in her time, she still missed it on a daily basis no matter how pissed or angry she was. She chalked it up to them both being too stubborn to see the errors of their ways. That, or neither wanted to admit it first which was probably more likely.
Taking a moment to be silent and look down at her hands, she picked absently at one of her nails for a moment before finally speaking again. “I don’t want to not see you for months,” she admitted out loud, more to herself than to him. Looking up and meeting his eyes, she continued. “It’s only been a week, and I’m still angry as all hell, and my head is a jumbled mess. But the only thing I’m certain of is even after all that... I missed you. That has to mean something, right?” she asked lightly.
Classy? No- but you love me. The response very nearly came out of his mouth- it would have been a typical one, before- but Davis bit his tongue just in time. Their easy friendship had been second nature for most of their lives, so the patterns were tempting to fall back into- and he wanted to, even if he couldn't. Shouldn't? "Oi," he rubbed his arm where she'd punched him, feigning injury with an easy pout back in Rose's direction. "You asked!"
She missed him. That was... actually really good to hear, if unexpected, as well. Not that Davis hadn't missed her, in return- but he'd assumed she was better off roaming the world and moving on. If she wasn't, then why the hell hadn't she come back?
"My head's a mess, too, Rosie," Davis admitted, and this time the nickname did slip out. "But losing my best friend was the worst part of the whole damn thing. Of course I've missed you."
Why hadn't she come back? She couldn't answer that without being from the future that he was from. But knowing herself she figured it was out of pure stubbornness, and also because she was afraid of rejection. Putting herself out there once was hard enough, but doing it again? The thought made her nervous even now. But his presence actually calmed that a bit here at this moment, which was odd, but meaningful at the same time.
Giggling at his reaction to her hit, she couldn't help but shake her head. "Oh please, ya baby. You're like... there times as big as me!" She reminded him, poking at his side and moving a bit closer to him without even realizing it.
Rosie? God, she missed him saying that, because he was one of the few she allowed to get away with it on a consistent basis. And without thinking about the consequences or what he would think, she squirmed over to his size and snuggles her body into his.
"Well we don't have to miss each other anymore," she said with a soft smile, reaching out and wrapping her fingers around his. "We'll figure it out. We always do."
Davis squirmed a bit when she poked him, but it was just in playfulness- he didn't mind it, honestly, and it was a nice change of pace from what he'd expected. And then she'd moved closer yet, and Davis couldn't help but curl an arm around her shoulders, drawing her in even more.
"Of course we will," he replied, with a measure of confidence he hadn't thought he'd have- certainly not yet, anyway. "We're us. We just need to remember how brilliant that can be."
“I think we can manage that in time,” she said jokingly, the end of her sentence punctuated by a yawn. Being this close to him, she was both warm and comfortable. And oddly enough she felt... safe. Something she hadn’t exactly been feeling for the past couple of months.
Her eyes wandered to the flickering television, but most of the movie itself wasn’t making it’s way past the surface. Instead Rose continued to replay different memories, good and bad, of her and Davis in her head. Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep against Davis’ side, more than happy to be doing so.