Arianna Dumbledore is unsure. (sweetflower) wrote in fourteenshades, |
Ari shook her head, then nodded in the same movement. "I--Yes, a love potion." She struggled to her feet and stumbled to her work table. On it lay the book in which she found the instructions, still open to the proper page. "This love potion. It is the most basic, and I do not believe they used a different one." She sat with a light thud onto her stool. Her knees were weak, and her chin quivered as she attempted to regain control over her emotions. She clutched a hand against her chest, just over her beating heart.
"Not love," she said. Her voice broke, and she swallowed another sob. "It was nice to be loved romantically, even though it was not real." She shook her head, trying to clear it. Despite trying to stop them, more tears flowed, and her breathing was ragged. She needed to pace, but her knees would not support her. She glanced at her brother then quickly away. She had worried him. She had erred in more than the potion. She had to answer his question. Why? She did not want him to be ashamed or angry.
Ari swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Her stomach threatened to react again. "I was not--Love was not my goal. Rather--" She turned and looked at her brother imploringly. "I felt free, Aberforth. My mind was clear--completely clear, and I did not worry that it would cloud. I was not worried about falling back into madness. I was not afraid of myself or anything. I remembered what it was like when we were children. How we did not worry about anything other than where next to hide Albus's books." She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. "There was no pain or doubt or fear, and then it all returned. I thought I could get it back. The carefree feeling. The utter happiness. I want it back." She finished with a sob and clutched the table for support.