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remus lupin is not a pawn ([info]atamewerewolf) wrote in [info]flippedrpg,
@ 2012-08-21 22:58:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:ch: can: sirius black, ch: knap: remus lupin, p: emmy, p: kristy

Who: Remusknap and Siriuscolour
What: The charm is lifted and Remus remembers everything
When: The moment the flip happens so...future dated about a hour
Where: Compound
Warnings: TBD...likely angst, Incomplete



Three...two...one.

The countdown was over and just a second prior, Remus was a sixteen year old boy, giddy over the prospect of the present and emotion, his mind wrapped up in butterflies of his stomach, of how kisses made them leap forth, and how he still couldn't believe that he had caught the attention of one of his best mates. Before he knew that Sirius had some feeling for him, he had been certain it would never come to fruition, for he didn't believe anyone was capable of feeling that way about him. He was not an attractive boy and he wasn't outgoing or very noticeable, or so he thought. He had been certain he would just have to deal with the crush till it faded, for he had no courage, at least in that manner. It was all laid out in front of him and he didn't want to think of the future, where things were far too confusing. Where he had a daughter with a woman he didn't know and Sirius was gone for nearly a good portion of his life. How could that be the life that was waiting for him?

But the second passed, the countdown turned, and it was as if the blinds were pulled back. Years rushed forward in the form of memory. The charms were lifted. No longer a sixteen year old boy, the thirty nine year old man stumbled backwards, his hip smashing against the table in the unit he shared with the two other Remuses.

Air failed him in those first few seconds as he felt the riveting sensation of his own history. Every mindless shag and pained night with a person he barely knew, every moment spent gazing at a map as years seemed to pass him by, every trip with James and Harry to another country, every moment he had ever experienced. London, 8700. Teddy. Harold. Tonks.

Sirius.

A gasp of breath finally broke the silence as he thought of the man. His chosen Sirius, the man from another world, the man he had fallen in love with in the midst of world travel's and alternate realities. His wonderful Sirius.

...And then, the Sirius of his world. Young, brash, and ever just as he remembered him from youth. A dream come to life in those moments of being a teen again. The dream of being with Sirius, of feeling emotions reciprocated, the dream he had given up well before he fell for his chosen love. Stepping backwards, his hands pressed to the wall as his head slammed backwards, eyes shutting promptly.

What had they caused him to do?

He didn't think. He just reacted. Force rushed through him and he pushed from the wall, the door being pulled open, and he rushed outward. He needed to find him. Where would he be? They had flipped. Searching his memories, he made a prompt turn, heading not for Sirius' room, but for the outdoors.

And when he found him, he dropped down to his knees on the grass beside him, a display of emotions plastered on his face, but the most prominent was quite evidently regret. He looked as though he felt he had done something wrong and his eyes were swimming. "Pads," escaped from him, but it was barely recognizable.


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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 03:23 am UTC (link)
As pleased as he was to have Remus back at his proper age, it troubled Sirius to see him so visibly upset. He sat up, curling his legs before him and settling his forearms against his knees to lean forward a bit. He tilted his head a little, a curious habit that translated so easily into his dog form too. He was concerned, not wanting Remus to feel any sort of negative feelings for any reason, but particularly not out of concern for him.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Moony,” he answered, his words entirely honest and genuine. “I don’t want you to be, and it’s certainly not necessary.”

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 03:29 am UTC (link)
It felt necessary, even though he wasn't summoning the emotions because of obligation. They were genuine and it was still difficult to wrap his mind around everything, for it felt as though he was swimming between actual past and fairly recent events disguised as the past. It hurt his head. He could distinguish the different events. He knew what was his proper childhood and what happened in the compound, but it still made him ache, in every possible way.

"I am though," he finally spoke, in an effort to compose himself. "I didn't know, Sirius, I didn't." Sirius had to know that though. Sirius had been young as well. At one point during that flip.

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 03:33 am UTC (link)
To be honest, Sirius was rather curious if the Scientists had quite intended the previous world to become what it had. He rather figured it was meant to just be a chance to see the taken at different ages, but there had been quite a bit of discord. He knew one of them had gotten punched, or something similar, though he honestly didn’t know any details. He wasn’t angry at the Scientists, though. He rarely was, to be honest. Nothing they through at him could be worse than being sent to prison for killing his best friend, after all.

He nodded. “Of course you didn’t, Remus. You weren’t your normal age,” he responded. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 03:40 am UTC (link)
"I feel as though I did, love," was spoken after several moments of silence, as Remus seemed to search for his words. Shifting, he sat down properly, resting his arms against the tops of his knees, which were pulled in close.

So much of him wanted to shift closer and embrace the man, but he held back, for he did feel as if he had done something wrong. Even still, he had a feeling of longing, as though he had been missing the man.

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 03:44 am UTC (link)
“But you didn’t,” he insisted, shaking his head. What frustrated him most about this whole situation was the position in which it put Remus. He was glad that Remus knew the truth about his future, to be sure, but there was a part of him that wondered if it wouldn’t be better if he hadn’t been told. “Please don’t get so lost in your head, Moony.”

He smiled. “You should be happy, really. You had a few days not to have to worry about a damn thing and to just be sixteen. You had Sirius back without all of the drama of his memory loss. I don’t want you to feel anything less than that.”

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 03:52 am UTC (link)
He was silent for a moment, as he thought on the statement. His eyes cast down and he wondered on it. How long had he been fretting over the thoughts and worries and obligations he felt? His mind was truly a muddled mess. Shifting, he pulled his knees closer, and then turned his head up.

"I didn't want that," he said with a air of honesty. "That wasn't me or him. That wasn't our life. It was...a fantasy. A childhood one," he spoke out loud. Pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts, he glanced off into the night, but was unable to tell just where they had flipped to yet.

"It was a...nice to be that age again...but...that's not what I want now. You know that."

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 04:00 am UTC (link)
Sirius sighed at that. “Remus,” he began, pausing a little then to collect his own thoughts. “You say that, but it was. Not a you or a him from a different version, but from the same world.”

He hadn’t wanted to get into it, not wanting to stress Remus out any more than he already was, but it seemed necessary to get it out in the open. “I don’t want to make any decisions for you, you know. I love you very much, and you know that,” he said. “But I know what he means to you. He’s the one you longed for and searched for all of those years, not me. And he’s the one you’ll go back to when this whole thing ends. Not me.” He rubbed a bit at the stubble on his chin. “We were all young, and there were three of us, myself included, who were interested in wooing you. And he was the one who succeeded.”

He reached to take his hand. “I just want you to be happy, Remus. And you were so happy when you were telling me about him.”

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 04:17 am UTC (link)
A shift happened when he heard Sirius' words. "We were from the same world, with circumstances that would never have occurred, and did not occur," he corrected him. Yes, they were the proper pair from his universe. Sirius and Remus of the famed party world. But it did not make it correct. "He didn't notice how I felt, Sirius. I spent years waiting for him to notice and then he was gone. The only reason he noticed here was because others did," he debated, a sense of concern evident in his voice, as though he feared where this was going.

"He means a great deal to me. But so do you," he said with emphasis upon the last word. The Sirius from his world he had accepted as gone from his life. He had moved on. And because he had, fate it seemed had deemed it appropriate to give him what he had longed for years to have. Sirius back. But it was solely that. It could only solely be that. Because he didn't want anything else.

He wanted a life with the man by his side now. A life where he chose what was to occur; not some glance into his future. One did not live their life on prophecy. It was not the way of things. "A sixteen year old me would have been very happy to find the feelings mutual. I was very happy," he told him, his voice growing smaller, "but I'm not sixteen, Sirius. That is not what I chose. I chose you."

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 04:26 am UTC (link)
“But he comes back, Remus. That little girl thinks of him as her father too,” Sirius said, his tone still as light as he could make in spite of the fact that there was a bit of pain and sadness starting to creep into his voice. This all made him ache far more than he wanted to let on, but it was hard not to wear his heart more on his sleeve when he was around the man before him. They’d been through so much in the last few months, but this was something entirely different.

“I know I do,” he responded, nodding. “I just…” he trailed off, unsure of what he wanted to say.

He was quiet when Remus continued, letting the words sink in. And they were honestly comforting in a way that Sirius hadn’t known he needed. He moved, though, drawing himself closer to the man at his side. “And I chose you,” he answered, smiling a bit. “I’m not going anywhere, Remus. That’s… that’s not what this is. I just wanted you to know that I can be okay with anything you need.”

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 04:41 am UTC (link)
"He comes back to a different man, Sirius. I'm not that man. In my world, I'm not even that man yet. I become him, just as he and I become Celeste's fathers, but I'm not him yet," he replied, softly, because he didn't think that was enough to justify his path of direction either. He already adored Cici and he loved her as he did Harry. And he would always love Sirius in some way. But...here...in the compound...he didn't love him in the way that man, the one he grew to be in his world, eventually would.

He gave Sirius' hand a squeeze, his eyes focused on the grass, as he listened.

Lifting his head, he looked to him, and felt a twinge of relief at his words and the flash of the smile. His free hand reached out, brushing a strand of Sirius' hair, as he gave a nod. "I don't want you to go anywhere. I don't want to go anywhere. As much as they anger me and as much as they mess around with us for the sake of experiments or what have you, I don't want to leave. This is our home and I don't want that to change," he said, now giving him a returned light smile, before he nodded.

"I need you, though, and I don't see that changing."

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 04:48 am UTC (link)
The words Remus said made a great deal more sense than Sirius had thought possible, and he took them very much to heart. Remus was right, and that much was easy to see when he let himself look at it. He had been so convinced of the inevitable simply because of a future that hadn’t come close to occurring yet for Remus. Even though his heart was in the right place of only wanting the best for the other man, he knew that this wasn’t fair.

“I really hope it doesn’t,” he responded. “When that time comes, once this program is over, we’ll figure something out.” He recalled that they’d apparently sent Andromeda, Ted, and Dora from Nia world somewhere entirely different, so perhaps there was another option other than going home. Regardless, that time didn’t seem to be very fast approaching.

He leaned forward finally, catching Remus’ lips for a moment before pulling back with a smile. “As darling as sixteen-year-old you is, I really prefer the older, confident version of you more. Of course, I am admittedly biased,” he responded.

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 04:59 am UTC (link)
"Yes, we will," he promised him, because it was something he could hold onto, and hope for. That, even if this ever came to an end, somehow they would find a way to still be together with their loved ones somewhere else. If it were up to him, no one that did not want to return to their home worlds would, and they would all find a place to live together. Still, he did hope it was far off, and not something they would have to worry with for a very long time.

A smile grew through the kiss, even as he held it, and only seemed to grow larger once the man pulled back, with a hint of a smirk evident from Sirius' comment. "I am far more rugged in this state, am I not?" He questioned with the same grin, enjoying the more light ended conversation. "It is a relief to not be as uncertain, that is for sure," he added after a moment. He had almost forgotten just how naive he once was.

It was such an awfully long time ago.

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 05:04 am UTC (link)
Sirius had nothing to return home to, really. Harry was here, and he was the only one who truly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Even his Moony was here, though they really hadn’t had much contact. He had access to so many others here as well that he’d never get to see again at home, and Remus topped that list. So he’d do his very best to find a way to make this all work out.

The sight of Remus’ smile made Sirius’ own grow. He was relieved to have that tension broken and the happiness returned. “Oh, far more rugged,” he agreed, grinning. “My dear Moony, you have aged like fine wine.”

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 05:18 am UTC (link)
"I've been told it is part of my charm," he teased with a grin, shifting just a bit so he was facing Sirius fully. This was a relief without any doubt. He hated the tension and the feeling of guilt was devastating in those initial moments. However, the feeling and believe that they were going to make it through, pushed that all aside and happiness was far easier to grasp at.

A slight blush rose to his cheeks and he just grinned more. "Why, thank you, Padfoot," he said with a tilt of his head and a continued grin.

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 05:22 am UTC (link)
“Oh, absolutely,” he responded, laughing. “You are Suave Moony, are you not? That’s quite a distinction, you know. I just got bloody Oldfoot as a nickname.” He sighed, shaking his head. “But hey, I’m apparently not the oldest me anymore. So that’s a plus.” He squeezed their still joined hands.

“You’re quite welcome,” he responded. “I wonder where this new flip has taken us,” he commented then, glancing around in the dark, but unable to make anything out.

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 05:36 am UTC (link)
"I am one of a kind among Moony's," he said with a genuine chuckle. He didn't necessarily think he was terribly different from those who shared his name and genetics, but he enjoyed the joke regardless. He remembered just how shocked one of them in particular, from the world that won the first war, had been by his demeanor. The memory brought a smile to him. "We are going to have to get you a new nickname, especially since it isn't accurate anymore."

Glancing off into the dark, he tried to see if there was anything he could recognize to give them a hint, but it was of no luck. "Star Wars world," he said with a large grin and almost as though it were a prayer to the Scientists for that to be truly where they were. He highly doubted it, though.

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 05:42 am UTC (link)
“That you are,” he responded, nodding. Sirius wasn’t sure how it was that he’d managed to grab the man’s attention, not with so many younger and more fit versions of himself present, but they’d built a relationship anyway, each filling what the other needed. “You’ll have to chat with Sirilla, I think. She’s apparently the designated creator of nicknames. The poor older me got settled with Ancientfoot, which is terribly flattering.”

He gave Remus a curious look. “I don’t know a thing about that,” he commented with a shrug, then shifted to lay back in the grass, tugging at Remus’ hand to pull him down with him.

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 05:49 am UTC (link)
"Queen Godzilla and I will have a long chat. You need something far more flattering. As for the elder you...well...he's on his own," he said with a bit of a chuckle. He needed to seek out that Sirius and introduce himself. There were a few new Marauders that he still felt the need to become acquainted with and that Sirius was just one of them.

Allowing the man to pull him down, he shifted to rest his head on Sirius' chest, his hand letting go of Sirius' just so he could drape his arm across him. "It would be a dream come true," he commented. Though, that was something he would have wanted to have experienced with Teddy. He made a note to speak to the two other Teddy's, whom he hadn't become as connected with, and find out how they felt on the subject.

"It is a story about a man returning from the path of darkness," he explained, before glancing up at him and grinning, "and it is also about another man's journey of self discovery and triumph. Plus, swords made of light."

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[info]marauder
2012-08-22 05:53 am UTC (link)
“If anyone can convince her of anything, I would put my bets on you. You’re the most persuasive of the Remus Lupins, to be sure,” Sirius responded, grinning. Sirius had been making a pointed effort to be more outgoing lately, having promised Jane and Sirilla to make more of an effort after realizing what he’d been missing out on. He didn’t want to be the brooding bloke he’d been for so long. He’d had months to get his head on straight, and now it was time to start making the most of what he had here.

He curled an arm around Remus as he lay with him, his other bending to settle behind his head so that he could look up at the sky. “Well, that’s definitely enough for me,” he commented, rubbing Remus’ arm lightly where his hand landed.

At that, he laughed. “You had me at swords made of light.”

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[info]atamewerewolf
2012-08-22 05:59 am UTC (link)
"So far, at least," he pointed out. For all they knew, they could wake up to find another twelve of themselves had arrived. He sincerely hoped this would not occur though. At least, not that rapidly, as it was difficult to wrap his head around each new Marauder as they trickled in from time to time. Yet, he never forgot a single one. He remembered everyone who had ever come and left the Compound. And he remembered everyone before the Compound too.

"The lightsabers are usually the hook most people need," he said with a light laugh, stretching up to press his lips to Sirius' chin. "I believe one of the blocks has them on video. We should watch one night. And then you can hear all my theories about the true hero being R2D2," he said with a larger grin.

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