InsaneJournal

Who: Sirius^Knap and James^Knap
What: Working on Sirius' memory
When: Aug. 10
Where: His current living location
Warnings: Angst?



The emotions were what was hardest to deal with when the memory had resurfaced. Because, at the beginning of it, there had been that rush of exhilaration that had always come with being Padfoot. And he had certainly forgotten what that felt like. To have the sensation of his paws pounding against wet earth, legs straining forward. Able to race through the darkness of night. That fierce need to protect paired with the persistent urge to just be free.

And that had been the easiest part of that memory; it had been what followed, the laughter as he turned back into boy, more gangly limbs than he was now. Mud streaked across his torso as he wrestled James to the ground, and then the careful tending of any small scratches Remus would have picked up. They had all sprawled across the floor then -- and the memory still wasn't clear enough that Sirius could hear anything they were saying. But he could everything, deep in his chest. That contentment that came with being near them, a fierce hunger for the onslaught of life before them. A love, so bracing, that it was almost frightening to him when he became aware of himself again.

He was still scared to try and reclaim those memories, to tamper any further with whatever had broken in his head. But he was no longer okay with leaving it alone. It was his mind. And he had a right to know who he was -- what things he had felt. He seemed incomplete without them now, a mere shadow.

He knew he couldn't keep pingponging between being wary of James, but still trying to be around him. It was time to make a decision, one way or the other. So he decided that he was going to try and work with James. Tamp down any part of him that was still crying out in warning.