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Theodore Nott ([info]nottfinished) wrote in [info]finnigans_rpg,
@ 2014-09-29 02:14:00

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Entry tags:character: ernie macmillan, character: theodore nott

Who: Ernie and Theodore
What: Sleepwalking
Where: Between Diagon Alley and Finnigan's
When: Sunday, late
Status: Closed / In progress



Theodore usually sat out of the way during Battlescars, self-conscious that his being there might trigger other people, that the consequences of the things his father had done would find a (justifiable) target on himself. Nothing had been said outright at the last meeting, no one had mentioned even his father's name, but something about what had happened left him feeling guilty and uneasy. He wasn't long out of another stay at the Janus Thickey ward, where he'd started off being worried that he'd go the same way as the intelligent rats had but had been shored up by therapy and medication and left feeling a little less desperate but equally still a little ill.

He was living on savings but still managing to pay his rent, which made his landlord's visit an awkward one. His rent was going up and there was no way that he was going to be able to afford it on his own. The room had a separate bedroom and small living area with a couch, so he figured that he'd be able to rent his bedroom out and sleep on the couch, splitting the rent and maybe being able to afford it then. He went to bed early, hoping to stop his budding headache before it got started.

The night wasn't done with him though, even if his body wanted to sleep. He roused from bed gracelessly, shuffled to the door and rebounded off the doorframe before unlocking and wandering out of it and down the stairs, managing not to fall down them which didn't sound difficult if you didn't take into account the fact that he was still asleep. He ambled out and down the road dressed in his pajamas - which were luckily jogging bottoms and a hoodie - but sadly shoeless. His feet shuffling over the pavement frayed and tore as he moved, changing his shuffling into stumbles. He seemed distressed, shivering and mumbling and looking hunted but also looking drunk, which is why the few people on the late night streets who weren't drunk themselves didn't pay him any attention.

He stumbled and tripped and landed heavily on his knees, and even that didn't wake him up. He didn't stand up again though, something in his dreams recalling a position like this and making him follow through. He crawled now, hands and knees down the street, the rough surface grating his palms and the tops of his feet and shredding through his jogging bottoms to his knees, shredding them too. He left bloody smears behind him as he crawled, crying and begging in Russian for mercy.



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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-12 12:46 am UTC (link)
The dip of pressure as Ernie sat on the bed and Ernie calling his name was enough to wake Theo up this time, not trapped in a waking dream like he had been previously out on the street. This had just been one of his ordinary nightmares, some unspeakable memory playing out in his mind, and it left shadows behind when he sat up. He shot back from the body sitting on the bed without registering who it was at first, his arm snapping out to grab hold of a wand that wasn't there, sitting as it was on his bed at home as he hadn't picked it up on his sonambulist travels and so hadn't had it with him when Ernie had brought him back to his place.

Wandless, thus semi-defenceless, and completely confused, Theo pressed back against the headboard with wide eyes and scanned the room, checked off all the exits and kept his eye on Ernie's whereabouts and posture at the same time like some PTSD-ridden soldier who hadn't quite left the war zone in his head. He panted softly getting his breath back as he replayed what he'd just heard in his head, not quite relaxing just yet, and while he still couldn't figure out where he was he knew who he was with. "Ernie?"

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-12 03:11 pm UTC (link)
It wasn't the first time Ernie had witnessed someone waking up in such a way, and as long as he was a healer, it likely wouldn't be the last. He stayed calm, not making any quick movements that might be misinterpreted. When his name was finally spoken, he put on a kind and sympathetic smile.

"Hey," he said, laying a hand next to Theodore but not quite touching him. "It was just a nightmare. You're in my flat and you're safe." He only hoped his friend would believe him.

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-12 10:57 pm UTC (link)
Despite being awake, Theo was still very much under a blanket of sleep and confusion at being out of his expected surroundings, wandless to boot, and so he flinched when Ernie's hand rested close to him despite the fact that he'd been taught better than that; he'd beat himself up about it later. He was still tense though and absolutely ready to flee or fight in an instant if he had to, not quite certain he was safe just yet.

He'd stopped tracking over Ernie though as he scanned the room, which was good. He wasn't seeing his friend as a threat. "How did I get to your flat?" he asked, confused because he was sure he remembered going to bed in his own place. He could feel the irregular lurches of his heart in his chest, slowing down but beating out of time in a way that was uncomfortable but familiar ever since a spate of Cruciatus when he'd been thirteen had left him arrhythmic. "Have you seen my wand?" He sat back a little, not so much calming down but clamping down on his panic already, shutting down more than anything else into some semblance of control.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-13 01:18 am UTC (link)
Ernie knew how helpless he felt when he was wandless, so he could only imagine what Theodore was feeling with everyone else on top of it. He did his best to be calm and methodical, answering the questions as they came. Hopefully it could give some sense and stability to Theodore.

"I saw you in Monument Alley. You were crawling on your hands and knees, and when I tried to talk to you, you went unconscious. At the time, I thought this was a better option than St. Mungo's. I've healed up your injuries and I was waiting for you to wake up. As for your wand, I don't know where it is. Do you remember what happened to you?"

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-13 02:27 pm UTC (link)
Theo's brain was working overtime to keep himself protected but work out what had happened at the same time, like a cat frantically trying to keep it's balance on a thin fence. He missed his wand like he was missing a limb but he knew enough to defend himself physically if he needed to, though he hoped he wouldn't need to. None of the answers he was given made any sense to him though, especially when what he was told had him panicking a little bit; crawling on his hands and knees? That sounded bad, the only situations where he'd been forced down to do that having been miserable, degrading experiences for him. He didn't feel any pain when he shifted a little, but that didn't necessarily mean he hadn't been injured, especially when Ernie said he'd healed him. That was what his friend did for a living after all, wasn't it. His wand was missing? Theo held his breath and let it out slowly to stave off his growing panic and tried to answer Ernie, thinking back.

"The last thing I remember is... leaving Finnigan's after Battlescars." And feeling terrible. "I went home, back to mine. No incidents, I wasn't followed." It was telling that he was able to say that with absolute certainty, that he'd kept an ear out for that sort of thing as a matter of course. "I went to bed." And Ernie found him in Monument Alley, unconscious. What Theo remembered made little sense and that, strangely, made things fall into place a little. "I was sleepwalking." he said, relaxing back against the headboard where he'd leant forward a little, looking much less concerned. "I have sonambulism. I'm sorry that I... that I put you out..." he drifted a little at the end as something else came to him, the memory of the nightmare he'd had, that he must have had while sleeping in Ernie's bed; something digging in on either side of his head, yanking at his hair, his throat full with something, inescapable unrelenting merciless pressure that was making nothing more than an object of his body and was careless to his struggling-

He had a hand over his mouth and swallowed hard, fighting a sudden rise of nausea, able to speak after a moment. "I think my wand must still be at home." he said a little quietly once the moment had passed. "I'm sorry I put you out." he apologised again. "You said you had to heal me?"

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-13 04:28 pm UTC (link)
Ernie was glad to hear the details, it always helped to know as much as possible. When he heard the word 'sleepwalking', it did in fact put things in perspective. "Hey, you didn't put me out. I saw someone in need and I stepped in to help. It's my job, in case you've forgotten," he added, trying for a wink to cheer up his 'patient'. "Plus, you're my friend, so I'm happy to help."

He smoothed his hand along the blanket to ward off the urge to touch Theodore's brow, since he doubted the other man would be amenable to being touched in any way at the moment. "So how long has this been going on, how often, and do you take any precautions at home? I can think of a few things that might help, but I don't want to suggest them if you've been doing them already."

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-13 07:02 pm UTC (link)
Theo didn't see an act of altruism like that as anything but disruptive, mostly because helping someone else had always been a chore to the people around him when he'd grown up. Nothing good had ever been done when there was no payback in return and he knew that he had nothing to give so came to the conclusion that Ernie had helped him because he was just that kind of guy - rare and elusive - and so Theo had put him out. He tilted his head calculatingly at the mention of them being friends. It had been mentioned before but he'd never thought Ernie would take it this far, not for someone like him. He realised suddenly that he'd been selling Ernie short and that made him feel ashamed for having done so.

His attention was drawn to the movement of Ernie's hand over the blanket though and he hated that he flinched at the movement, tried to shift a bit to disguise his reaction. "It's happened for a while. I used to do it at school but I think it started before then. I'm not.. not sure... I'm not... it's hard to remember..." he said, fractured as he tried to think back, a headache already starting as he pushed at memories that spell damage, trauma and treatment at the Janus Thickey ward all had sealed or scorched away. "I usually ward the bed so I don't get out and do injury, but I believe I was distracted." His tone of voice showed that he was beating himself up about that already. "I wouldn't say no to your help though, but I've already taken quite enough of that for one day." he said, apologetic now. "I'm really sorry to put you through all this Ernie. I'm grateful to have you."

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-14 02:30 am UTC (link)
"It's all right," Ernie soothed. "If you don't remember, it's okay. It's okay if you never remember, there are some things we just don't. It's not your fault, it just is. Maybe later we can look at your place, see what we can do. Maybe some wards on the door, make it so you can't leave without a certain spot being touched with your wand. I might even know some people who know more about wards than I do who can help."

Instead of saying anything further about whether Theodore had taken too much of his time, Ernie smiled and started standing up from the bed. "Wait right here, I'll be back."

He went down to the kitchen to get another cup and poured some water from his kettle, which was spelled to stay hot for some time. He quickly added some tea leaves before bringing it over to Theodore. "Here, have a drink. It should help." His friend must have been parched after everything he'd been through.

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-14 09:48 pm UTC (link)
Theo hated that there were things that he couldn't remember, even if he suspected that he was better off that way considering the flashbacks and the nightmares and the memories of what remained. He felt like he was at a disadvantage not knowing massive chunks of his own past, like there were crocodiles lying unseen in the water just waiting for him to wade into the wrong place to get a good hold and drag him down under. He nodded though as he took in Ernie's suggestion, seeing them as sensible and now not feeling as though they were as excessive as he'd once thought.

He watched Ernie get up, unsure if he should follow until he was told to wait and then trying to shake some of his hyperawareness out of him while his friend was out of the room. He glanced down and felt over the skin of his palms, recognising that strange sensation of newly healed skin; Ernie had healed him, hadn't he. Fuck but he needed to get a grip on himself.

He'd drawn his knees to his chest by the time Ernie came back, a posture in which he felt the most comfortable, and took the cup with a 'thank you' sipping from it and feeling the warmth do him some good, even though his paranoia was bouncing a little bit at the fact that he didn't have his wand and so couldn't set off his customary charms to check that he wasn't being poisoned. He internally told himself to shut up. Ernie wouldn't have gone to all this trouble just to poison him now. "You healed me." he said, holding his left hand out palm up and flexing his fingers before supporting the cup again, his worst hand so that he wouldn't drop the thing by mistake holding it one handed. "Ernie, I don't know how to thank you for all this."

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-14 11:43 pm UTC (link)
Ernie felt relieved when the tea was accepted and he tried to smile encouragingly. He watched Theodore stretch out his fingers and tilted his head at him. "Well, the best thanks I can ask for is to stay well. But barring that, just be my friend. All of my friends get free healings," he added with a wink.

"So when you feel up to it, would you rather stay here the rest of the night, or we go to yours and see if your wand is there? I know I feel pretty naked without it."

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-15 09:03 am UTC (link)
Theo wasn't sure if Ernie was joking or being flippant or not, but he took what the blond said seriously. In all honesty it was a big ask for Theodore, whose walls and fences and traps and failsafes had been put up when he was very little precisely to stop anyone getting close enough to hurt him anymore than he was already being hurt for fear that he wouldn't be able to cope with anything else. He nodded though, and it was a simple gesture to signify something as significant as his decision to try and let Ernie in. It would be difficult for him but it wasn't just because of Ernie's request - the Healer hadn't hurt Theo when he was at his most vulnerable. He'd earned it if nothing else, and there was nothing more precious to Theo that he could give. "I think... I can do that." he attempted, almost shyly, the fine grains of the person he should have been if he'd led another life.

He did want his wand, Mordred he did, but that was part of it, wasn't it? And what time was it anyway? "It's late, isn't it." he said, sipping at his tea. "Would it be okay with you if I stay here for the night?" he asked, even though it had just been offered. "Am I taking your bed? I can sleep on the couch, it's fine." he hated that he was putting Ernie out further.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-15 10:18 pm UTC (link)
While he may not have known the extent of Theodore's distrust of people, he had seen glimpses of it in their interactions so far. Ernie had been pretty lucky to have had the life that he'd had, and even though his family wasn't rich like the Malfoys or large like the Weasleys, there had still been joy and love while Ernie had grown up, and almost everyone he knew back in school had been brilliant in their own right. As a result, Ernie often trusted easily, perhaps too easily, because it was one thing that had never been betrayed. But even though he did trust easily, he could still feel the significance of Theodore asking to stay without going to fetch his wand first.

"It is pretty late," Ernie agreed, feeling like he'd been given one of the greatest gifts in the world. While Ernie would have simply offered to share the bed with most of his friends, with whom he was rather comfortable cuddling through the night, he felt that wasn't quite appropriate for Theodore - at least not yet. "I think staying is just what the healer ordered. You're already settled into bed so there's no need to move. The sofa pulls out into another bed anyway." He offered a grin. "I'm always prepared for friends to stay over. Is there anything you need me to get for you? Though I guess at the least I should tell you where the loo is."

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-15 11:42 pm UTC (link)
Theo had a tendency to view everyone else in shades of his own experience, to the extent that he worried that when other people were having a bad day that they too felt like killing themselves, or were seeing things that weren't there, that when they complained about parental issues or bad childhoods that they had suffered what he had suffered, that when they had things to run away from it was the same things that had hunted him down as a child. His mind couldn't help but jump to the worst possible conclusion when he heard about a friend in trouble and it often caused him to overreact. It was also the reason he was so overwhelmed and mystified by Ernie's generous nature and the way he'd taken care of him, only able to explain it by the fact that they'd been friendly before and that Ernie was a Healer so it was easy to see how it was in his nature. That and a strange little curl of a feeling somewhere inside him that wanted to trust Ernie; he should have ignored it just because of how ridiculous that idea was, but then again his instincts had rarely let him down before.

He chewed at his already shredded bottom lip a little at hearing he was getting the bed though, feeling bad about taking it from the blond. "Yes, but I'm fine otherwise. I can take the pullout though, I don't mind." he tried to reassure. "You've done enough for me as it is."

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-16 01:35 am UTC (link)
"Nonsense," Ernie said in a voice that refused argument. "Why move when you've already started sleeping in the bed?"

He rose up and pointed his wand at the sofa, watching as it folded itself out and made itself up with sheets, a blanket, and pillows. He reached onto one of the shelves to the side of the bed and drew out a set of black silk pyjamas. "If you'd like to change, feel free to borrow something from in here. There's some pyjamas and even a night shirt, if you prefer them. And if you'd rather sleep as you are, that's fine too. The bathroom is over there," he said, pointing to a door that sat to the right of the tiny mirrored alcove that served as his kitchen. "I'll go in first and change, then it's all yours."

He hoped a bit of time alone would help Theodore feel more comfortable with the arrangements. He popped into the loo to quickly make his ablutions and change into the soft pyjamas, suppressing a yawn as he did so. The long day was catching up to him, and he'd stayed up later than he'd wanted because of his visitor. He didn't regret it for a minute though. Once he was done, he opened the door and started toward the sofa. "Loo's all yours," he offered casually.

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-18 09:13 am UTC (link)
Theo was unhappy with himself for disturbing Ernie the way he had but he couldn't argue either, not when Ernie was going to the trouble of setting up the sofa bed for himself. He was slightly appeased by the fact that it did look comfortable over there and it was made quickly and with little fuss. He nodded to Ernie's offer and watched him move to get changed, drawing out pyjamas from the shelves that Ernie had revealed and feeling bad about wearing them; something deep inside Theo felt as though Ernie wouldn't be able to wear these again after he did and that spoke to a self-esteem issue so bad that it was telling. He didn't make a fuss of it though, selecting some comfortable flannel pyjama pants and a longsleeved top that were both long on him and holding them to him as he waited for Ernie to re-emerge from the bathroom.

He rubbed his thumb over the palm of his hand and wondered what had driven Ernie to do all this for him. There was so much to that boy that Theo didn't understand and something that went deeper yet, a connection between them that fluttered in the back of his mind where he couldn't reach, where he didn't want to go to because it was back there with all the dark things that left trails behind them on nights like this after he'd been sleepwalking, after nightmares had woken him, when they'd woken him. He jumped when Ernie spoke, shaken from his reverie. "Thank you." he said with a polite smile, slipping off the bed and away into the bathroom to change and freshen up for the night. He came out some minutes later, all dressed with his clothes folded and with him, a little anxious, reminded of a failsafe that should be put in place but that he couldn't set up without his wand as he was. "Excuse me, I'm sorry, but you might need to set up a ward?" he said, embarassment foregone. "I don't want to wake you up again." he hoped that he wouldn't have to go into more detail than that.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-18 04:39 pm UTC (link)
When Theodore slipped into the loo, Ernie went straight for the pulled-out sofa bed. He felt that if he'd already made himself comfortable there by the time his friend came out, then that would prevent any further arguments about who was taking the bed. As he waited, he thought of all that had happened that night - and he suddenly remembered what had brought Theodore into his path in the first place. Ernie already had some wards built into the flat, put in place by some of his Auror friends at his behest. Several of Ernie's friends suffered in various ways from the war, and it wasn't unusual to have one of them coming to visit for a night of company and comfort. He did, however, need to remember to cast the spell that activated the wards, which he did a minute or so before Theodore's exit.

"It's all right, I've got a few wards already set up and activated." He didn't specify that they were for the front and patio doors because he wanted to be woken up if something happened with Theodore during the night. "If you need another pillow or blanket, let me know, all right?"

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-24 08:28 pm UTC (link)
Theo curled himself up in the middle of Ernie's bed looking a little bit lost and smaller than he had a right to be, holding his clothes against him and dressed in Ernie's overlarge nightclothes. He tucked his clothes away neatly and fluffed up the pillows, still feeling awkward about taking the bed even though the nest Ernie had made from his sofa looked comfortable.

"This is more than enough, really. Thank you." Theo reassured, pulling the quilt back to slip under it, cold. He curled up underneath it on his side, knees brought up, elbows tucked in the way he usually slept, chewing at his lip. "I might... you should probably do a silencing charm." he said, trying to pretend he wasn't saying this, trying to be clinical about this but struggling because honestly, how much more could he put Ernie through? "I don't know if I will but-" he gestured to the bed. "-sleeping in a strange place, I don't know, it might set off, I might have another... I talk in my sleep sometimes, I might be a bit loud." How could he tell Ernie that it was a pretty sure thing he'd have at least two or three more screaming night terrors before the morning came for them? How could you admit something like that and not be carted straight off to St Mungo's? How could you admit something like that and not be asked to leave? He didn't want to wake Ernie up though, it was bad enough that one of them be exhausted, Ernie hadn't done anything but reach a hand out to help the wrong person.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-25 02:04 am UTC (link)
"It's all right, I'm a deep sleeper," Ernie replied. It was a half-truth - he did sleep deeply on occasion, but whenever he had a friend or patient in the room, he tended to be attuned to them and would wake up at simple sounds and motions. "But don't be afraid to wake me up if you need anything at all."

He stretched one last time before curling onto his side. "Did you want the light on for a bit, or can I turn it off for the night?"

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[info]nottfinished
2014-10-25 11:36 pm UTC (link)
Theo was a little anxious about sleeping without a silencing spell, half-certain that he'd be waking Ernie up in the night, even if the Healer did offer to be woken. He certainly didn't appreciate being jolted awake with the sound of screaming and didn't think he'd come across anyone yet who did. He didn't push though and settled into the bed.

"I'm okay with the light off, it doesn't bother me." he said honestly, it rarely made a difference to him. "Goodnight Ernie. Thank you for all this, really." He'd overused the phrase but he'd meant it each time and he was already trying to think of some way to make this up to his friend, the word a little glow that he tried to grip onto and pretend that it could chase the dreams that would come away.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-10-26 12:13 am UTC (link)
At Theodore's response, Ernie spelled off the lights. He grinned into his pillow and closed his eyes, liking the sound of someone's voice nearby as he was settling into bed, even if it wasn't his usual bed.

"Night Theodore. I'll see you in the morning." He hoped his friend slept well - he deserved it after everything he'd been through.

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