InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "stay the course, Jess"

Oliver Bloody Wood (oliverwoodwould) wrote in finnigans_rpg,
@ 2014-08-20 19:16:00

Entry tags:

journal: oliver

Journal-Oliver Wood
Reminder to self: no good comes after an evening of firewhiskey and Celestina Warbeck's Greatest Hits.

Private to Alicia, George, Angelina and Percy

You will never fucking believe the date I had. Shall I go over it, then, just to give you the full effect? First of all, this "lovely" friend that Katie sets me up with manages to not only be totally forgettable looking, but simultaneously creepily similar enough to Edwardine that I keep having these weird flashes to being on a date with my sister. If that wasn't bad enough, she insisted we go to Myuri, that expensive Japanese joint, ordered 6 rolls and then decides she doesn't like sushi. She talked non-stop about her ex-boyfriend and his significantly too-large cock and commitment issues, and then described the features of the cat she planned on buying later that week to keep her CURRENT cat (Whipples, in case you were curious. I wasn't) company.

I haven't even told you the worst part yet: brought her home, and we shagged. Twice. I even liked it a bit when she shut up and stopped calling her ex-boyfriend's name. Actually, that was the best part....

No, the worst part is she's still here, and I don't remember her name. Please tell me you recall what Kate said it was before she gets back in here and I'm forced to call her "hey you"!

(Post a new comment)

	ex_tonicandg693 2014-08-21 04:12 am UTC (link)
	I think that entirely depends on the size of your bottle of Firewhiskey. I'm quite fond of Celestina myself. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 04:18 am UTC (link)
	Bigger than my head, and now today I pay the price of it. Ugh, I am NOT. But the lady I was entertaining seemed to like her way more than is normal. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_tonicandg693 2014-08-21 04:22 am UTC (link)
	Oh you poor darling. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 04:28 am UTC (link)
	Yes. Yes I AM a poor darling! Glad SOMEONE sees it! (Reply to this) (Parent)

Private to Oliver

abidingpercy
2014-08-21 04:18 am UTC (link)

ONLY YOU OLIVER! Yes, I believe this is worthy of all capital letters. Firstly, why would you shag her when... wait, you said firewhiskey and Warbeck, didn't you.

Well, perhaps Lucy shall soon have a playmate after all. Perhaps you should be nice to what's her name, you may be seeing quite a bit of her in the next nine months. Did I not tell you to learn from my experiences? (Not mistake, Lucy is far from a mistake.)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	Private to Percy oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 04:20 am UTC (link)
	It could easily have happened to anyone, now stop shouting and start helping me figure out her name so I can get her out of here! Well, yes, why else would I shag her except I had way too much of both of them. Hey, I wore a condom, thank you very much. Now are you going to be helpful or judge y?? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Private to Oliver

abidingpercy
2014-08-21 04:28 am UTC (link)

You obviously don't know me well enough if you believe it impossible for me to be both helpful and judgy. All right, at least you had the sense to use one of those Muggle contraptions.

Now, options. Well, you could always try being honest, but then, this is you. You could play "I'm the handsome quidditch player and you're my devoted fan, and I'm going to give you an autograph, who do I make it out to, milady?" Or you could ask her to write down her floo address/contact information on a piece of paper and hope that she will include her name in it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Private to Percy

oliverwoodwould
2014-08-21 04:31 am UTC (link)

Can't I just HOPE you'll be one without the other?

And it's not a contraption, it's not like a television or a radiator.

The first one would definitely indicate that I don't know who in Merlin's name she is, but the latter has promise!

Now...how do I get her out of here? I made her breakfast and made the eyes, and now she's showering and I don't know how to get her to GO.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Private to Oliver

abidingpercy
2014-08-21 04:37 am UTC (link)

Well, they say hope is infinite.

Technology is technology, Oliver, whether it be a complicated piece of electronics or a tiny sheath.

Excellent. My purpose in life to get you out of embarrassing situations has been accomplished.

You made her breakfast? Oliver, you're practically inviting her to stay, aren't you. All right, I'm sending Hermes over with a note that will basically say you're an idiot, but you can pretend it's an emergency from your family. Satisfied?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Private to Percy

oliverwoodwould
2014-08-21 04:43 am UTC (link)

Hrm. It would be nice if you were just supportive for once.

Oh good Godric, FINE, just don't call it that, please.

Not yet, it hasn't, but it's a start.

She asked me to make her breakfast, and I asked if she couldn't just get it to go and she said she was hypoglycemic and was going to pass out, what the fuck was I meant to do?

Fine. Perfect. Thank you, you're almost an angel of mercy.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Oliver abidingpercy 2014-08-21 07:20 pm UTC (link)
	I am being supportive, unless by supportive you mean being an unthinking 'yes-man' in which case no, I am not supportive and have not been since Scrimgeour died. Very well. I'm glad you see things my way. Excellent. You're a moron, honestly. I mean that to the bottom of my heart, of course. Did Hermes arrive in time? Is she gone now? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Percy oliverwoodwould 2014-08-22 02:37 am UTC (link)
	WHATEVER PERCY FINE, UGH. Don't be bringing logic into this! Only when forced to. Yes, well, no one said I was a genius, did they? Hermes did, and so did Alicia screaming bloody murder. Her name is Danielle and I will likely never see her again, in Godric's name. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Oliver abidingpercy 2014-08-22 02:45 am UTC (link)
	All in a day's work then. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Percy oliverwoodwould 2014-08-22 02:48 am UTC (link)
	Free tonight for a drink then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Oliver abidingpercy 2014-08-22 02:50 am UTC (link)
	Gladly. Shall we toast to your newfound freedom, and to perhaps putting a kibosh on firewhiskey and Warbeck? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Percy oliverwoodwould 2014-08-22 03:09 am UTC (link)
	Can't think of a better toast! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Private to Oliver _alicia_ 2014-08-21 05:24 am UTC (link)
	Good Godric, Oliver. Really? You listen to Celestina Warbeck? Nevermind. Call her something sickeningly sweet, like... honeymunchkin or bubblebutt or I could make a panicked Floo about some non-existing emergency, then it won't matter what you call her, or at least she'd forgive you for using the wrong name. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Private to Alicia oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 05:49 am UTC (link)
	Of course I don't, whateverherface does. I like the latter option. Do I look like someone who could say bubblebutt with a straight face? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Alicia _alicia_ 2014-08-21 05:56 am UTC (link)
	I'd love to see you try! So, give me 10 minutes to get the kids out of earshot, then you can get her situated properly. I've just sent off the Owl with Potions for you head. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Alicia oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 06:09 am UTC (link)
	Let's just pretend I did, shall we? You. You are an angel of mercy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Oliver _alicia_ 2014-08-21 06:14 am UTC (link)
	You know I want that story now, right? For you, my dear, always. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Alicia oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 06:38 am UTC (link)
	Pretty sure I did that. You're the best, Alliecat, have I mentioned that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Oliver _alicia_ 2014-08-21 06:54 am UTC (link)
	About whateverherface, yes, but not about the bubblebut. Not today, no. I do like having it in writing, though. You know you're one of the very few people I'd do this for and have fun while doing it, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Alicia oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 06:57 am UTC (link)
	I don't know that there is a story to tell, I can't even start to say it without laughing my own arse off. Of course, it's part of why I'm the best ever. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Oliver _alicia_ 2014-08-21 06:59 am UTC (link)
	That ought to get her out of there. The bestest! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Alicia oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 07:01 am UTC (link)
	I don't know, she's a tricky one. I'll give it a try. That's what I like to hear! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Oliver _alicia_ 2014-08-21 07:05 am UTC (link)
	Always at your service. All right, you ready for a Floo call? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Alicia oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 07:12 am UTC (link)
	That's a true friend. YES PLEASE! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	openbottle 2014-08-21 08:18 am UTC (link)
	No good ever comes of listening to that evil sorceress. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	oliverwoodwould 2014-08-21 04:10 pm UTC (link)
	No truer word is spoken. Her albums should be burned for the good of humanity. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	openbottle 2014-08-21 04:16 pm UTC (link)
	I wonder if Dominic could fireproof The Roost... We could have a bonfire, and a guy! Bet we could count on George for fireworks, too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	oliverwoodwould 2014-08-22 02:38 am UTC (link)
	I think we should try this immediately if not sooner. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	openbottle 2014-08-22 08:08 am UTC (link)
	The Roost is free on Fridays. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	oliverwoodwould 2014-08-22 08:14 am UTC (link)
	This sounds like a plan. FRIDAY WE SHALL BURN ALL THE THINGS! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	angustifolia 2014-08-21 08:46 pm UTC (link)
	That sounds like a hangover-inducing combination! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	oliverwoodwould 2014-08-22 02:38 am UTC (link)
	That is the least of it, Miss Brown. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	saintly_george 2014-08-22 12:13 am UTC (link)
	Are you kidding? Call her 'babe' and smack her arse and tell her you've got to work. Toaster on the counter, milk in the fridge. Help yourself to breakfast. Trust me. You don't want to remember their names. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	oliverwoodwould 2014-08-22 02:42 am UTC (link)
	I'm no where near as good as you at being a total arsehole. You should give me lessons. I don't like calling ladies like I'd call the family dog, Georgie, it's just how I was raised. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	saintly_george 2014-08-22 11:20 am UTC (link)
	Tosser... And if she was a lady , I bet you'd remember her name. (Reply to this) (Parent)