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Seamus Finnigan ([info]openbottle) wrote in [info]finnigans_rpg,
@ 2015-04-20 14:45:00

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Entry tags:character: dean thomas, character: seamus finnigan

Scars
Who: Seamus and Dean
What: Scars and long-awaited awkwardness
Where: Seamus's flat
When: Monday 20th April, sort of late morning-ish
Rating: SFW for now

Uncharacteristically, Seamus had booked himself an entire day off. He always took Sundays off (though between Battlescars and the Local Business Bureau, his friends often told him it didn't count) but usually preferred to take the rest of his 'weekend' in dribs and drabs - and afternoon here, a morning there. Today, though, he had things to do. Not enough things that he hadn't slept in, mind, but things to do nonetheless. After waking late and enjoying a leisurely meal, he'd written up the journal entry he'd been milling over all the previous day. Even after several drafts, he wasn't sure about the wording, but it was the best he could do. Hopefully, it would have some results.

It was half an hour after that that he stepped out of the showed, dried his hair and wrapped the towel around his waist. He was half dressed, in boxers and jeans, when he paused and padded slowly over to the mirror that filled his open wardrobe door. He frowned as he looked at his reflection. Even with his skin still slightly pink from the shower, the red lines that wrapped his hip and one side of his stomach were obvious and ugly. He unbuttoned his jeans and nudged them down his thigh, pushing his boxers with them on his damaged side.

Having rarely talked about his scar, Seamus had never found a way to explain it to anyone who hadn't seen it for themselves. It resembled, sort of, the lines of a fisherman's net, as if some trawler had tried to catch him and the rope had burned forever into his skin. The paler he got in the cool of his room, the more obvious it became, and Seamus's expression was ugly as he turned and craned his neck to see the way it continued across his lower back and buttock. He was so absorbed in the contemplation that he didn't even hear the crack of Dean's apparition.


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[info]artistdean
2015-04-20 02:43 pm UTC (link)
Dean was having a bit of an issue trying to remember how to act normally. Everything had managed to shape and rearrange itself in the course of three short days. Only nothing had quite fit back where it was supposed to yet. His conversation with Dennis on Friday had resulted in something of a lightning bolt to his brain and he'd spent a lot of time since then switching through panic, re-evaluating everything he'd ever done with Seamus and being unsure if he was actually feeling what he was feeling. Of course he'd managed to go to Battlescars the day before, because he'd sternly told himself that he couldn't change his behaviour too much. He'd stuck his head in his mug of tea and not really spoken though, he hadn't trusted himself to say much of anything while his mind was still churning. He had looked at Seamus a few times though, which had done nothing to change his mind about his realisation.

Of course then he'd had to not-really-intentionally let Susan in on his realisation, because he was an excellent friend and clearly needed to let her say I told you so, and calm down his panicking. Most of the panicking was happening at his studio, because of course art was the way to distract him from everything.

Now though, now he was trying to remember how to behave like a normal human being around his best friend. It wasn't like with Ophelia when he didn't know her too well before he'd had a crush on her. He'd known Seamus forever, Seamus would notice his behaviour being off for more than a little while. What did normal friends do when they had no fixed work schedule and knew their friend had the day off? They dropped in to surprise them of course! At least that was the logic Dean's brain was working with.

He apparated to Seamus's flat and seeing the living room and kitchen empty his feet automatically took him to the bedroom, waltzing in through the open door where he stopped, his mind taking a second to catch up with his eyes and feet. He couldn't have just walked in on Seamus with all his clothes on could he? Oh no. Of course he was shirtless and had pushed half of his jeans and boxers down. Dean couldn't say anything at first. The image was branded into his mind, he knew it. If there had been any doubt about his physical attraction to Seamus this was definitely that doubt flew from his brain.

It took him several seconds to realise he was staring and shake himself out of it. "Umm, I'll just," he said in a small voice, starting to back out of the room.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-20 03:13 pm UTC (link)
Dean's voice cut easily through Seamus's simmering self-loathing and he turned the rest of the way, his smile note quite as bright as it might have been on any other day. "Hey," he said, letting go of his jeans so that they sprang back up to cover some of the scar tissue. "You okay?" It wasn't like it was unheard of for Dean to show up in his flat just to hang out, but with the Ophelia thing and the time of year and - something about Dean's tone that Seamus couldn't quite identify it seemed a fair bet that there was something up. "Let me just-" He grabbed a shirt from the wardrobe and pulled it on before heading to invade Dean's personal space, looping an arm around his waist for a casual half-hug of greeting.

When he stepped back, he looked up into Dean's face. "So?" he prodded - adding a literal poke with his finger to go with the enquiry. "Are you okay?" If so, Seamus had plenty of his own worries to talk about. His head was full of Battlescars, and battle scars, and Martin and... Lots of things. But Dean came first, if he wasn't okay for any reason.

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-20 04:43 pm UTC (link)
Dean had managed to drag his eyes away from Seamus' exposed body and fix on his head before he turned to greet him, thank goodness. He didn't think there was still anything left to hit him, but the depth of want dropping into his gut was unexpected and unhelpful. He stepped out of the room while Seamus took the few seconds to dress, willing himself to remember Seamus his friend not anything else. Of course he didn't really prepare himself for contact and when Seamus hugged him he was deeply thankful that muscle memory prompted him to hug back automatically.

"So," Dean said, jumping when Seamus poked him, smiling in a slightly mechanical way. He tried to shake himself out it and smiled slightly more warmly. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I knew you had the day off, thought I'd come have lunch, or tea or something," he said and shrugged. Dropping in unannounced was in no way an unusual thing for their friendship but it suddenly seemed like a totally stupid idea of Dean's. "If you've got plans..." he said trailing off and nodding to the door. He was more than happy to leave again.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-20 05:10 pm UTC (link)
"Aww," Seamus said, grinning properly now. "Aren't you sweet?" If he'd thought he'd get away with it, he'd have pinched Dean's cheek. Instead, he made a gesture that was supposed to indicate that he had nothing planned that he was particularly committed to. "I've done my work bit for the day," he said, looking around for his journal and his wand. They were both on the coffee table and he stooped to pick them up before pocketing the wand and shoving the journal into Dean's hands. He tried to read the entries upside down as he opened it to the right page, then tapped his own entry. "There. Read that and tell me if it's... alright." It was too late to change it, really, but some reassurance wouldn't be unappreciated.

While Dean read, Seamus rifled his cupboards for biscuits to go with the tea - or possibly to come after lunch. "I swear I had some of the good biscuits left," he muttered, more to himself than to Dean. Had he eaten them and forgotten about it? It was certainly possible. He knelt down to rummage in the lower-level cupboards that he rarely used. "Aha!" he exclaimed, coming up holding a clear plastic container. "No biscuits, but I still have Easter chocolate left." A glance showed him that Dean was still reading, so to save himself going over there and hovering, Seamus started making the tea.

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-20 09:17 pm UTC (link)
Oh this is going to get ridiculous! Dean thought as Seamus' declaration that he was sweet sent a happy little flip-flop through his belly. He rolled his eyes too, partly at Seamus and partly at himself. Taking the proffered journal he was rather shocked that Seamus would let him read from it. There could be all sorts of things in here that he wouldn't be able to read in his own. Then again, apart from his little exchange with Susan the day before he could honestly say he'd have let Seamus read his journal too. "Oh, okay," he said, thrilled by the privilege, dropping down onto the sofa to read as Seamus wandered to the kitchen.

He was sort of glad that Seamus had actually given him something to do, rather than having to focus on a conversation. He read over what Seamus had written a couple of times, mind already jumping ahead to what he might write if he decided to write a statement. He was mostly ignoring Seamus, but looked up at his happy sound when he found the chocolate and smiled. He was still waiting on one thing or another when Dean finished his second reading.

"Well, I can't think of any way I could have put it better," he said, settling back from his hunched over position. "I mean whether it does what you want it to is a different thing altogether, and I don't think you could control that either way," he said. He tried to hide a grimace at how formal he sounded. He needed to relax.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-20 10:44 pm UTC (link)
Once the tea was ready, Seamus carried both cups and the chocolate over to the 'living' part of the open-plan room and settled himself next to Dean on the couch. His sigh at Dean's final answer was mixed relief that there were no glaring mistakes and frustration that, as Dean said, there was no way to control how it was received. Seamus loved running Battlescars, but trying to be all things to all people - or at the very least, not to scare people away - was exhausting, and writing really wasn't his strongest mode of communication. The Irish charm didn't work so well in black and white.

"Well, I feel better knowing someone else has read it, at least," he said, flashing Dean a grin as he cracked the half-shell of chocolate egg that was left over into two, then repeated the motion until he had a piece of thin chocolate about half the size of his palm - which he popped into his mouth in one go. "Mmm," he mumbled, happily. "Dark chocolate and lemon." There were small pieces of candied lemon peel in embedded at random in the dark chocolate, and Seamus was briefly occupied with chasing a bit out of his molar with his tongue.

The silence that followed was weirdly awkward - not something they usually had a problem with when it was just the two of them. It needled Seamus into an apology he knew logically he didn't really need to make. "Sorry about before," he said, blushing slightly as he gestured to the bedroom. Dean had walked in on him in various states of undress several dozen times over the years, and in far more revealing positions than that. Seamus's apologies, if he even offered them, were usually delivered through laughter. But having his network of scars deliberately exposed, rather than as a by-product of being on his way to the shower or whatever, made it feel different - at least to Seamus. "I just... I was trying to figure out if I could claim it was a birthmark or something." It was stupid - he knew he couldn't. He'd even asked one of the muggleborn healers, way back in the months after the battle. He shrugged, as if it didn't matter.

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-21 01:19 pm UTC (link)
He gave a murmur of thanks for the tea, grabbing it with both hands and inhaling happily. Maybe it would do its regular job of helping heal all things. Although he wasn't sure tea was what fixed aching hearts, he had a feeling that the traditional route there was vast quantities of alcohol. A route not open to him at all.

"Yeah," he said softly. He usually read things in the journals, although he didn't always respond. "I might try and write something for the meeting, but you know how the whole thing gets this time of year. Kind of glad I'm already taking my sleeping potion daily actually," he said. Even though his nightmares didn't all centre around the final battle it was one of the few specific dates he really had a fix on so his nightmares often increased anyway. He reached for the chocolate, taking one of the other pieces Seamus had broken down. The sound of pleasure Seamus made sent him diving for a gulp of slightly-too-hot tea. He fanned his mouth slightly and then shrugged and shoved the chocolate in. "S'good," he agreed after a few seconds. Dark wasn't especially his favourite, but it was good chocolate and the lemon was a nice addition.

The realisation that now he was here and there wasn't much of anything to do was starting to hit Dean hard. It wasn't like he could sit and stare at Seamus and reassess all of his past actions in private. Oh no. He was here to spend time with his friend, who he couldn't just gawp at. Of course this discomfort translated into silence, a silence that he couldn't quite break. Then Seamus broke it for him in a rather unexpected way. Dean was going to wave of Seamus' apology, possibly less smoothly than he might have done before Friday, but then Seamus suggested claiming his scar was a birthmark and he realised that he couldn't brush that off. He was also reminded about the existence of the zookeeper Seamus was dating, which was an unpleasant twist to his stomach. "I... I don't know," he said quietly. To him the scars were just part of Seamus, a painful reminder yes, but also not something that mattered in the grand scheme of things. He really couldn't explain his general feelings on that front though, not with all the previously hidden feelings flooding his system, he was more than likely to blurt out something he wanted to keep hidden. "Is this... what's his name, the zookeeper?" he asked.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-21 02:46 pm UTC (link)
Seamus nodded. "I know," he agreed, the managed a smile as he patted Dean's shoulder. "So I'll have one less person to worry about, then?" Despite his own unpleasant memories of the battle, Seamus usually spent this time of year worrying about everyone else. Dennis and Ginny had lost brothers; Ernie and Susan had fought alongside him; Justin felt guilty that he couldn't have been there to fight too; Dean had more than usual nightmares. On top of that, there was Battlescars. Seamus always tried to open the meetings around Victis Honor day to anyone who might need it, and often agreed to meet people privately to talk over what the group was for, too. The last couple of years, Seamus had made it through the day itself without obviously being affected - only to crash hard the moment it was all over. Despite his words, they both knew Seamus would still worry - he'd always worry, and he'd always be there if Dean needed him.

Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, Seamus tugged his t-shirt down and realised he'd never bothered to button his jeans back up. He wriggled against the couch until he was in a position where he could fasten them up over his stomach, then pull the fabric of his t-shirt down once more. "He's making me dinner tonight," Seamus said. "Martin." He tried to look pleased about it, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Pretty sure he's not going to stand for me pushing him away much longer." At the very least, he was going to want an explanation for the glacial pace of their physical relationship - and Seamus had no explanation he could give him without breaking the statute of secrecy. He whined a little into his tea. "It was only supposed to be fun. But I like him. He takes me to cool places and he makes me laugh..." And now it didn't seem fun at all, because Seamus was going to have to walk away.

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-21 06:01 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah," he agreed, knowing full well that Seamus would worry anyway. He was thankful for it, because sometimes it hit him hard regardless of what was going on, and days could easily be hard even when his nights were relatively protected by his potion. He'd have to remember to keep an eye on Seamus to be sure he wasn't spreading himself too thin.

Dean hadn't actually realised Seamus had failed to do his jeans up, but he still did his best not to look as Seamus moved around to right his clothes. As he listened to Seamus he realised he needed now to forget his feelings and be a supportive friend, although not the sort of friend who was going to allow his friend to be screwed over by people who didn't understand them. "Martin," he affirmed with a nod. "Dinner sounds good, and... and I'm going to tell you the sort of thing you were telling me when I was Ophelia," he said, trying to muffle the hurt in his stomach this course of action caused. He held up his hands. "Now, yes, I'm aware she turned out to be a pretty shit person, but the advice wasn't actually bad. You deserve someone who will wait as long as you want to wait, whatever your reasons." He couldn't quite look at Seamus as he said it, concentrating on his tea instead. He took a sip and looked over and twitched his mouth in half a smile. "I don't know that birthmark would work, but can we think of some sort of accident that would?" he asked, not quite sure why he was helping Seamus with another relationship. Apart, of course, from the fact he'd rather see Seamus happy with anyone than miserable and alone, or miserable with him for that matter.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-21 08:22 pm UTC (link)
Seamus had been absolutely ready to protest that Martin and Ophelia were worlds apart when Dean headed him off with a gesture. "I don't want to wait," he grumbled. "If it were up to me, I'd have gone home with him the first night we went out." The sudden dearth of Friday nights with Justin meant a return of what seemed to be the defining trait of Seamus's romantic life - sexual frustration. He broke off another piece of chocolate and chewed on it before wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. "What muggle accident explains this?" he asked, gesturing angrily at his side.

On the whole, he'd avoided getting involved with muggles for exactly this reason. Between the tattoo and the scar, there was really no way he could safely get undressed with anyone who wasn't familiar with the wizarding world. Of course, knowing that sex was off the table and he'd never have to deal with the disgust or disappointment in their eyes made it annoyingly easier to get close to them. "I'm so stupid." His voice was quiet as he squirmed to tuck himself into Dean's side. "Why do I do this to myself? Now I have to break up with him - and I don't want to!"

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-21 09:03 pm UTC (link)
"Ah," Dean said, realising Seamus problem. Of course his problem was he didn't really have a solution. Well, that wasn't his only problem, but it was the only one he was entertaining right now. He briefly reflected that he was possibly lucky that he'd only walked in on Seamus looking at himself in the mirror, but then dismissed that because of the image it was bringing to his mind, which very much didn't need to be there right now. He sighed sharply. "I... I don't know," he said, gesturing helplessly. What could conceivably cause something even faintly resembling that kind of mark. He'd not made the closest examination of Seamus' scar, but he'd seen it more than enough to know what he was trying to come up with.

As Seamus burrowed himself into Dean's side he stomped down firmly on the little thrill it gave him and focussed on making sure he wasn't about to spill hot tea all over his best friend. He curled the hand now not holding his mug around Seamus and shrugged. "You're not stupid," he said. That was both figuratively and literally true. Seamus was definitely smarter than him. He wanted to say 'don't break up with him' and 'yeah, you do, I'm sorry', or possibly both, instead what came out was "Jellyfish." He was sort of surprised at himself, they'd had this sort of conversation before a few times, but he'd never come up with a solution before, and this was honestly not the time to do it. Not that he wanted to make Seamus unhappy, or wanted to sabotage Martin... but he wasn't sure he was really as altruistic as his sudden brainwave made out. He cleared his throat. "Would some epic jellyfish sting work?" It was a bit of a reach, but as an outside chance it might manage it.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-22 12:53 pm UTC (link)
Seamus hadn't really expected Dean to have an answer. This was his own fault, after all. He could have turned Martin down, or not flirted with him in the first place, or made it clear early on that they could only be platonic friends. Susan, he had no doubt, would be rolling her eyes and asking him what he'd expected to happen. The fact that Dean wasn't was more comfort than Seamus really felt he deserved as Dean's arm wrapped around him.

"Relationship stupid," he muttered, because there was really no way to argue against that. His friendships were brilliant - but he'd never had a romantic or sexual relationship that ended well. He blinked a little at Dean's sudden sea-creature tangent, wondering if this was some codeword he'd forgotten or... "Oh," he said, chuckling once Dean had explained. "A jellyfish with very regular and overlapping -" He realised, midway through his sentence that he didn't know the proper name for the part of the jellyfish he was trying to describe. Tendrils? Tentacles? He wiggled his fingers in Dean's general direction to demonstrate. "You know."

He lifted his shirt a little and prodded at the scar with his other hand. The lines weren't perfectly straight, and there were small gaps here and there, but the gaps between them were still definitely too squarish to have been made by anything natural. He snorted. "Maybe two very regular jellyfish doing some kind of mating ritual and I got stuck int he middle."

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-22 08:59 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah, well neither of us can exactly claim prowess in that particular area," he muttered. Dean now had a sneaking suspicion as to the reason his past relationships had crashed and burned, and he'd tried rather less hard than he could have done to make them work or try again. Not that he was going to share that suspicion with the room.

He had known that his sudden pronouncement was a bit odd, but at least he'd managed to explain a bit. He had to roll his eyes at Seamus' little demonstration. "Tentacles, I think?" he suggested. "Might be legs." He shrugged, not really concerned with the correct terminology.

When Seamus lifted his tshirt again Dean got mildly distracted by the exposed skin, wanting to trail his fingers over it but that would have been very weird, no matter how tactile they were. He managed to refocus his attention by the time Seamus spoke, unfortunately he'd also been aiming for a sip of tea and managed to inhale some as he snorted, which lead him to start coughing. He shoved his tea onto the table quickly so it didn't go everywhere, coughing as his abused nose tried to right itself.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-24 12:13 pm UTC (link)
Seamus had never really attempted to deal with his scar by making jokes about it, preferring to ignore it and pretend (however unconvincingly) that it didn't really bother him. Watching Dean snort tea up his nose, though, he wondered if he'd been missing out. His laugh was genuine, and his shoulders shook with it even as he tried to pat Dean comfortingly. "Are you-" He couldn't get the words out until he forced himself to take a breath. "I'm sorry," he said, grinning broadly. "Did that hurt?" The corners of his mouth twitch disobediently. "It looked like it hurt." It wasn't Dean's pain that was funny, he'd just looked so ridiculous that Seamus still couldn't completely choke down the laughter.

He stood up to fetch some toilet paper from the bathroom, since he severely doubted he had any proper tissues lying around and it would take too long to find them even if he did. Once he'd handed it over, along with a glass of water from the sink, he settled back against Dean's side and smiled again. "I picked a good one this time," he said. "Don't think he's going to be satisfied if I just get him off and then run home." It had happened that way before. Probably more times than was strictly healthy. Seamus always knew, deep down, that guys who were perfectly happy to let the sexual side of the relationship be one-sided weren't worth being with - but in many ways it was just easier.

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-24 01:40 pm UTC (link)
Dean's eyes were starting to run from the pain as he coughed, but even so he tried to glare at Seamus. He coughed again, clearing the worst of the tea and drawing in a deep breath. "Yes, you bastard," he growled, and then ruined his glare by coughing again. Not that he really blamed Seamus for laughing, he was pretty sure that he would have done the same in his shoes, but that didn't make it feel any better right now.

He used the proffered 'tissues' to clear up the mess on his face, and smiled his thanks at Seamus before taking a couple of sips of water. A few careful breaths and he was mostly restored to normal, although his nose, mouth and throat felt a little sore. It was good to see Seamus smile though, and he sipped at his water, trying to think of an appropriate response. "That's good," he said, smiling slightly and trying to sound encouraging. He shifted in his seat, because it came a little close to his own experiences with Ophelia. Not that he had run away, but still. And not like Seamus' issue was the same as his issue. He sighed. "Can you tell him you don't want to discuss it, like 'this is a thing, but it's a story for another day'?" he asked, the words almost sticking in his throat.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-27 12:17 pm UTC (link)
"If you're okay enough to be abusing me with foul language, you're fine," Seamus pointed out - but he stilled rubbed at Dean's nearest arm in a manner that was obviously supposed to be comforting. He waited until Dean had managed to take a good few breaths without coughing. "Better?"

Dean's suggestion made Seamus squirm, metaphorically if not physically. He didn't say anything at first, trying to mentally unpick whatever his reaction was - and failing. Finally, he shook his head. "Seems like a short-term solution," he pointed out. "I don't have anything to tell him another day. Not unless it gets really serious." He wasn't going to take the risk his mam had, waiting until after the wedding. No matter what the statute said, he'd do it before that. Assuming he ever managed to make it that far, which didn't seem likely.

It wasn't the limited time scale that was making him Seamus so uncomfortable, though. It was - he didn't know. Something deeper, something that didn't want to be poked and prodded and brought into the light. He reached for his tea, but the hot liquid did nothing to chase away the horrible shrinking in his stomach. "Let's just - talk about something else."

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-27 02:18 pm UTC (link)
Dean tried to glare a bit at Seamus, but it was half-hearted, especially since Seamus was rubbing his arm like that. When he felt like he was breathing normally again he nodded and smiled. "Yeah, thanks. Been a while since I inhaled my drink like that," he said weakly, mentally writing the sound off as his throat still recovering even though he knew it wasn't.

He hummed faintly as Seamus thought about his response, switching the water glass for his mug of tea again. He waggled a foot enough that he could toe off one of his boots and hoik a foot onto the sofa and shove it under his other thigh in a study of familiar slouching. "Yeah," he agreed. He could understand Seamus' reticence, the relationships he'd had with muggles hadn't gone on very long and the muggle world had enough wars that he could say he had PTSD and be understood, Seamus' scars were basically impossible on that front.

He looked across at Seamus and shrugged. "Sure," he said. It wasn't like he was eager to discuss Seamus' relationship with him, not when doing so made his chest feel tight and uncomfortable.

It took him a few seconds to actually think up a topic of conversation. "Oh, I've got a thing to ask you actually," he said, remembering the idea he'd been playing around with for a new art project.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-27 04:15 pm UTC (link)
Seamus gave Dean a grateful smile, watching him as he made himself comfortable. A little bit of him was aware that running away from any topic that made him uncomfortable wasn't really a plan in the spirit of Battlescars, but the majority of him was just pleased to get away from the inexplicable awkwardness.

Once Dean had settled himself, Seamus shifted to make himself comfortable too, stretching his legs out across the couch, his back half-turned to Dean and resting lightly against his shoulder. "You have a thing to ask me?" he prompted.

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-27 09:40 pm UTC (link)
Dean looked down at Seamus resting against him, biting his lip slightly before smiling a little sadly, glad he couldn't be seen. "So, I've been thinking about a new piece of art. You know how I do the whole 'using art as therapy' thing sometimes?" He said, wriggling a couple of fingers for the requisite quotation marks. He took a sip of his tea, so it didn't go too cold more than waiting for a response from Seamus. "So between the Ophelia thing and the Battlescars meeting I've sort of been trying to work something out that I might be able to include more people in. I think I'll describe it as something like 'words that haunt you', but I sort of need somewhere people can submit their stuff anonymously if they want to, and I figured the pub was fairly neutral. So can I put some kind of box somewhere? Warded tamper proof and stuff." He shut up because he figured he was rambling and Seamus could ask questions to make sense of his word vomit. Privately he was blaming the warm length of Seamus pressed up against him, but there was no need to voice that aloud.

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[info]openbottle
2015-04-29 12:25 pm UTC (link)
Seamus listened quietly as Dean explained, glad to have something to think about that wasn't Martin. "Kind of like group therapy in art form?" he asked, wriggling his toes against the arm of the couch. "That could be interesting. Our lot will definitely get involved." And if there were anonymous submissions, maybe this could be a first step on getting the members of Battlescars who never seemed to speak to be involved for once.

"Course you can put anything in the pub you want," he said, waving a hand. "You don't have to ask, though I get that your mam would tell you otherwise."

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[info]artistdean
2015-04-29 09:58 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah, sort of. I mean, I'm going to do all the art, but I want to ask people to submit stuff, and I'm pretty realistic about how willing they're going to be about doing it with names attached, hence: box," he said and shrugged. "Maybe it will help people, maybe it won't, but like I said it's been on my mind."

Dean rolled his eyes and drank some more of his tea. "I didn't really expect you to say no, but I didn't want you to throw out the randomly appearing box either." He nudged Seamus' shoulder a bit. "And you're right, Mum would tell me I should ask." Of course his mum also told him to at least give a courtesy knock on the door even at home. Although given with the sight he'd been greeted with earlier he might consider taking her up on that one. He swallowed, and tried to banish the image of Seamus looking at himself in the mirror. It seemed determined to go nowhere.

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[info]openbottle
2015-05-02 04:03 pm UTC (link)
"Maybe it'll help you," Seamus said quietly. Obviously, he cared about helping others too. He wouldn't have said up Battlescars if he didn't, nor spend so much time worrying about it and what to do to improve it. Dean just existed on a higher priority level when it came to worrying, among other things, so as long as it helped him, Seamus didn't mind so much if it didn't help anyone else. "It's helped with the nightmares before, right?" He knew that was why Dean had painted a lot of his nightmare scenes, and that it let him process them in some way - even if it didn't decrease them.

Once again, Seamus tugged at the hem of his t-shirt - though it really didn't need adjusting. "Well, I'll submit some stuff, if I can think of anything. I don't really know if I've got any words that haunt me, though." There was one, that had leapt to mind immediately, but Dean was quite right about how willing he'd be to say so under his own name. Other than - it was really more a look than anything he could put into words.

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[info]artistdean
2015-05-02 06:43 pm UTC (link)
Dean bit his lip and nodded faintly, hands wrapped around his mug. "Yeah, it helped before, but it's a bit of a delayed thing, so maybe not right away," he said. "We'll see. I want to do it even if it doesn't help much." He shifted slightly, trying not to jostle Seamus, or indeed notice Seamus' body against his own too hard.

"Thanks, mate," he said, quietly. He didn't expect he'd know what belonged to Seamus, or anyone else for that matter, but that mattered far less than actually doing it. "I've got a few of my own to add in to the mix too." Not that he was sure what precisely he'd choose just yet, but there were a good few he could choose from. "I'm going to do a mix and match thing so that people will recognise their own contributions but they'll be anonymous to everyone else."

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[info]openbottle
2015-05-02 08:32 pm UTC (link)
Seamus had seen that gesture of Dean wrapping his hands around his mug before, and it generally meant he wasn't in the best of moods or the happiest of places. "All my friends are such good people," Seamus teased lightly, leaning into Dean a little more. He just wanted to offer some comfort, since he didn't seem to be able to do much else about the nightmares. He almost muttered something about how he didn't really deserve any of them - but it would only make Dean feel like he had to argue that Seamus did, and they'd done that back-and-forth before. While it warmed Seamus that Dean liked him enough to think so, it didn't fundamentally change anything.

"Sounds like a good idea," he said again. "What do you think you'll do with it once it's done? It's not really the kind of thing you can sell, and it'd be nice if people could go and see it, you know?" Seamus would have offered the pub, of course, but he really felt like Dean's work deserved better than that - especially something of this nature.

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[info]artistdean
2015-05-02 09:32 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah, you're good people too," he replied quietly, less teasing and more serious, caught in a little eddy of thoughts about his nightmares. After half a minute or so he shook himself, forcing the thoughts away with a will. He leaned automatically into Seamus slightly, ignoring the squirm in his stomach and taking comfort from his presence. It helped a little, in spite of his feelings. Or maybe because of them. Not a thought to examine too hard right now.

Dean shrugged, he'd thought about it a little bit but he hadn't come to any decent conclusion. "I don't know. I need to put it somewhere for people to see it, but that's about as far as I'd got. Figured I'd sort it out when I'm getting towards done. Get some opinions or something." He huffed. "It's not like it's going to be a very cheerful thing, I know that even now."

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[info]openbottle
2015-05-02 10:59 pm UTC (link)
Seamus smiled, even though he knew Dean had to say that - because what else were friends for? Leaning together as they were, it was easy enough for Seamus to be content with Dean's good opinion and not worry too much about how closely (or not) it was rooted in reality.

Dean made a good point about the cheerfulness of the piece. Seamus had yet to buy any of Dean's nightmare stuff for himself, just because he either didn't particularly want it around himself or because he knew Dean wouldn't want to see it every day. The same was true for this - Dean might not want to see it at work all the time. "I'll think too," Seamus promised. "Then I might actually have opinions when you ask for them."

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[info]artistdean
2015-05-02 11:17 pm UTC (link)
"Thanks," Dean said quietly, smile twitching before lapsing into silence. It wasn't quite as comfortable as it might have been because he was incredibly aware of the line of warmth that was Seamus resting against his side, but it was better than when he arrived. So long as he didn't do something stupid like smell him he might just survive this. Let his feelings fade with time.

Even then he knew he was deluding himself about that.

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