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friendlyjustin ([info]friendlyjustin) wrote in [info]finnigans_rpg,
@ 2014-11-10 12:54:00

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Entry tags:character: ernie macmillan, character: justin finch-fletchley

Justin and Ernie..
WHO: Justin and Ernie
WHEN: Monday night
WHERE: Ernie's flat
WHAT: Justin isn't sleeping much so he seeks the one person that can calm him down.
RATING: R?
STATUS:


It had been two days since Justin and Wayne had spent their lovely afternoon together and it hadn't been easy to process the whole thing. While it was true that he had started it with his joking about sleeping with Wayne, he had never expected things to slip towards how he had felt and in the end it had left him to ponder things to much for his taste.

It was never a good thing for Justin to look at his feelings up close and he didn't understand why it was so bloody hard to figure out what was going on. Sighing in frustration, Justin climbed down his bed and put on some shoes, Apparating at Ernie's.

He looked around briefly and realized how late it was when his eyes met with the clock. "Damn.." How long had he been in bed, tossing around?? He was so tired after two sleepless nights that he should have just taken a potion before bed to just sleep peacefully but it just didn't come.

He kicked off his shoes and padded towards Ernie's bedroom, slowing down as he came close. He listened in carefully, making sure he wasn't going to walk out on his best mate shagging some cute bloke, then fully entered the bedroom where Ernie was sprawled out. Maybe one day Justin wouldn't be doing this anymore and he choked back tears as he slipped in bed with his mate. One day, Ernie would be sharing his bed with someone who would probably mind.

Ernie was warm and Justin settled beside him, not quite snuggling, but close enough for him to not feel completely alone.


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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-12 02:45 am UTC (link)
The dipping of the bed stirred Ernie from his slumber. He made a soft questioning noise as he started turning over. His mind wasn't completely awake, however, and he spoke the first thought entering his mind considering only one person had been in his flat in the last few weeks.

"Theodore?" he asked fuzzily, voice concerned. "Did you have another nightmare? You can have the bed again, I'll fix up the sofa. Or do you want some tea?"

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-12 02:54 am UTC (link)
Justin blinked and sat, putting some distance between his body and Ernie's. "Um.." He said, not quite sure what to answer. Was this the sign he'd been keeping an eye for that would indicate that he would need to start knocking on the door? "Not really.." He said softly, then climbed down the bed. If Ernie was romantically taken, maybe it was a bad idea for him to be there.

"Would you rather I go?" Justin asked. He had no idea how to react to the possibility of not being able to come over when he needed someone to comfort and anchor him, but he couldn't force himself either. He wasn't that selfish.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-12 03:02 am UTC (link)
Go? Who was going? The next thing Ernie knew, the weight on the bed lifted and he wondered if he'd been imagining the whole thing. He grabbed for his wand and cast a lumos, then squinted at the person who was standing there.

"Justin?" He rubbed at his eyes and yawned, having been quite deeply in sleep when he'd been awoken, yet not even a deep sleep could completely keep him from helping a friend. "Hey, mate, where're you going? Is everything all right?" It wasn't that Justin didn't often spend the night over, but it wasn't often that he appeared in the middle of the night and crept into bed while Ernie was sleeping. It must be a nightmare again.

He still wasn't conscious enough to remember that he hadn't said a word to Justin about Theodore yet.

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-12 03:30 am UTC (link)
Well, wasn't he glad that Ernie recognized him right now. "Yeah." He said, nodding. "Is it.." Surely Ernie would have told him if he had a boyfriend, right? Or maybe not, since they didn't see each other much lately. Or maybe he couldn't tell Justin about that Theodore and he just shouldn't be asking.

"Would you rather I leave?" He asked Ernie again, making sure he could be there. The last thing Justin wanted was to be a problem if Ernie was into a new relationship, as sometimes their friendship was a little hard to explain.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-13 03:07 am UTC (link)
Ernie squinted again, but this time it was out of confusion. What was Justin on about? With a sigh, he reached out to grab his best mate's arm and pulled him down onto the bed. Thankfully, he happened to be dressed in comfortable pyjamas and thus didn't have to worry about being indecent.

"What happened?" he said in his healer's voice, wrapping an arm around Justin's shoulders and refusing to let him go until he'd talked. "It must be pretty bad if you think I'd kick you out. When have I ever sent you home when you needed me?"

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-13 03:23 am UTC (link)
Justin didn't fight his mate as he was pulled towards the bed, climbing up into it with him and allowing for the snuggling. He almost told Ernie he wasn't there for a Healer, but swallowed the comment as he realized that he could have gone anywhere else, like Hannah's or Susan's. Instead, he sought out Ernie who was not only a Healer but specialized in Spell Damage and mental problems, knew him better than anyone else and could soothe him like no one else could.

"You called me Theodore." He said softly. "Since we don't really have mutual friends named Theodore, I assumed maybe you had your own sexy arrangements.." His voice trailed off. He didn't want to sound jealous, because he wasn't. He'd never been jealous of any of Ernie's lovers before and he would never be. It wasn't about losing Ernie or not.

"I'm not asking of you to drop everything for me, you know."

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-13 04:02 am UTC (link)
Suddenly, everything was clear - muddy, but clear. He pulled Justin closer so that his friend's head rested against his chest and rubbed gently along his upper arm.

"There's nothing to drop," he started, but figured he owed Justin an explanation at the very least. "And Theodore... he's a friend. Or at least he was at first, still is. There's no sexy arrangement between him and me, not yet, though I'm hoping there will be some day." His face softened into a fond smile. "It's just a date, and a couple of nights of nightmares that I helped him through. I do like him though, a lot."

He rested his head against Justin's and breathed in deeply. "But something tells me you're not here to ask about my love life, love."

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-13 04:16 am UTC (link)
Justin gave a 'hmm' sound and slowly relaxed against Ernie. He hadn't realized how tense and stressed out he had been before. Probably because he had been like that for days. "I'll start knocking then." He said softly. Justin's flat had proper rooms, but Ernie's was kind of open and he didn't fancy popping in to find his best mate having sex with Theodore. "Because I like gay porn as much as the next person, but not if it features my best mate." The tone was light and teasing, but tired. He was so tired.

"I'm not doing okay lately and I'd rather not check myself in the ward. I know some that do and I would have.." Justin sighed. Should he check himself at the Janus Thickey Ward it might not take him very long to recover, but he'd need to be assessed and be on probation at work. "I prefer not to."

"A million thoughts and feelings are just taking over lately and my flat's too big and too quiet and I panicked the other night."

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-14 01:54 am UTC (link)
"Knocking is good," Ernie agreed, "but there's no shagging going on. Theodore's the type you take it slow with, which will be bloody frustrating... but worth it, I think."

He continued 'petting' Justin, moving from his arm to his hair, cuddling him like he had often done for his friend to let him know he wasn't alone. "Trust me, I'm an expert - you're nowhere near being one of my patients. Doesn't mean you're not upset and confused. So tell Uncle Ernie all about your thoughts and feelings, and what happened the other night?" Even though there was a playful tone to his words, he was still empathetic and was taking what Justin said seriously.

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-14 02:21 am UTC (link)
"Well, you know what they say. The worth of what you get is equal to the amount of work you put in it. Not to say that Theodore is a thing, but you know what I mean." Justin snuggled closer, definitely glad to have Ernie.

"I had dinner with Susan the other night and, well, it started with a orgy suggestion and ended up with me telling her about Seamus being the only bloke I've slept with." It was amazing how relaxing it was to be snuggled close to someone and was actually listening to what you were saying. "She asked me if I was happy with Seamus. It's not that we're together romantically, but it got me thinking." He squeezed Ernie and didn't look at him yet. His mate knew how he felt about Seamus and how things had turned out.

"Thing is, I like being around him. You know I do. But we don't talk. Not like.. not like this, you know? I don't feel comfortable telling him how I feel and it's ridiculous because we're mates him and I."

"I do understand that he's busy. I get it. But I kind of want more than Friday night sex and it's starting to feel like I'm not much more than a booty call." He wanted more. Seeing Seamus more, make their bond stronger, developing a relationship were all he wanted. "I am pretty sure he doesn't feel about me, how I feel about him and I feel really, really stupid because I just keep doing it." And he hadn't even talked about his conversation with Wayne either.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-14 03:23 am UTC (link)
Ernie stopped himself from making further comment on Theodore. The other man wasn't work, not at all. What he was, Ernie was still just trying to figure out, but he'd enjoy the figuring for certain. Anyway, it sounded like Justin really needed to talk, so Ernie set aside his own matters for his friend's sake.

Ernie sighed and continued petting back Justin's hair, as if to take any sting out of his words. "Justin, I love you, you know that. I think you're a little too emotionally involved to see things clearly, though. Of course you can't talk like that with him, the relationships are different. You said you want more and he doesn't... so you asked it yourself, why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why keep shagging someone who only wants to shag when you're developing feelings? Did you turn into a masochist while I had my back turned?"

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-14 04:02 am UTC (link)
Justin lifted his head and looked at Ernie, knowing his mate was right. "I know.." He said with a sigh. "It's hard to explain, you know." He said softly. "Because part of me wonders, if I tell him how I feel maybe.." he looked away a moment. "Maybe he's waiting for me to tell him. Or maybe not."

"I told Susan last week, I feel ridiculously pathetic." He said with a frown. "But it feels really good when I'm with him and sometimes we do see each other other times than Friday night." Justin chewed on his lower lip and settled back into his previous position. "It wasn't a problem before. I was completely ready to just take whatever Seamus could give me but now I'm just not too sure I can settle like that."

"I went out with Wayne last weekend." He whispered and sighed. "Ernie?" he asked and looked up at his mate. "Everything is really, really screwed up."

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-15 05:11 pm UTC (link)
Ernie sighed and resisted the urge to smack his best mate upside the head. It was so simple to him, but to his friend it was terribly complicated. He knew he could tell Justin up and down what was what and how useless it was to keep trying to make somethign work with someone who didn't want it... but he also knew it would be like talking to a wall because there were some lessons people had to learn for themselves. In the end, he'd be there for Justin no matter what.

"Justin, in the end, you're the only one who can make these kinds of decisions. I could tell you how brilliant you are till I'm blue in the face, but in the end, it's all up to you. If you don't want to settle, well, don't Muggles have an expression that goes piss or get off the pot? What's the worst that could happen?"

Bloody hell, and now Wayne again. Justin just liked to dig himself in deeper and deeper, didn't he. Ernie continued petting his hair, wishing he could just do something he didn't have the power to do. The only person with that power was Justin. "Life in general is pretty screwed up, love. But I'm guessing you mean something specific?"

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-15 05:26 pm UTC (link)
"It's definitely very specific." He said sourly though he was starting to relax in Ernie's arms. It was amazing how his friend could so easily help him calm down to the point where his mind became clearer.

He sighed softly. "He would have said yes." It was like Justin couldn't quite believe the fact that if he had said something, his life could have been different. "If I had been quick enough in 5th Year.. he would have said yes." His voice was really quiet and calm, nothing agitated like he was 5 minutes ago. "He said I should have said something. But I couldn't.." He hadn't accepted his own homosexuality until the end of that year, believing that it wasn't ok for him to be like this. It was okay for everyone else, but not for him, which was a really screwed up way of seeing things, but when a whole side of you family was humongous biggots.. you tended to not want to be hated.

"This is ridiculous." he said, shaking his head.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-16 02:37 am UTC (link)
Ernie pressed his cheek against the top of Justin's head. "You did what you did, there's no changing that. And if you ask Mum, often it's for the best. Look at it this way. If you'd asked then and he'd said yes, he might not have a little boy who brightens up his day. You might have been too busy having a boyfriend to concentrate on your healing studies. You would have been young and immature, and maybe would have fucked it all up because you were young and stupid, like we all were. Maybe he'd have stuck around for you when everything went to shite and he may have ended up in Azkaban and St. Mungo's too."

He thought back on his own lost love from school and how much he'd changed since then. Had he even been ready for any sort of real commitment back then? He'd never know.

"But now you're older, you have a career you love, friends who support you, and you're a little more clear and comfortable with who you are. And just some food for thought - you talk about how you have feelings for Seamus, but then you switch to Wayne and what happened. It sounds to me like there's feelings on both fronts. I've always known you have feelings for Wayne, but they've never really gone away, have they."

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-16 03:15 am UTC (link)
Justin hadn't been ready for that to come out of Ernie's mouth at all. Things were hard to handle about Seamus and he was having even more difficulties accepting that back then he would have had a shot with Wayne, so being told that maybe his feelings hadn't really gone away.. It hit him like a bag of bricks.

"Maybe you are right. Maybe it would have been a terrible mistake and we probably wouldn't have made it, you know." He said softly. "We're so different. Even now he's not too keen on accepting help from.. me." Their social status differences had always been a problem before. Now he only hoped it wasn't anymore.

"And Rhys is a pretty awesome kid, it's true. He's so smart and fun to be around." Justin genuinely cared for the kid and wanted the best for him.

"Ernie.." He didn't want to say it. Really, he didn't want to say that his friend was probably right.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-16 03:52 am UTC (link)
Ernie playfully slapped the back of Justin's head. "Nowhere did I say it would have been a mistake. It would have been a learning experience at least, but yeah, we're all a little different now. And he's stubborn, we both know that, and has a lot of pride. He has his own demons to slay, and will do it in his own time. And if you offered, well, then the offer's still out there, and he can take you up on it if he's ever ready. We can't make people do things they're not ready to do."

He smiled knowingly when Justin talked about Rhys. He always thought his best mate would make a good father one day from the way he was around kids.

"What?" he asked when Justin didn't finish your thought. "Were you going to say I'm perfect and brilliant and the best mate ever?"

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-16 04:04 am UTC (link)
"No I know.." He whispered, shifting so he could see Ernie while they talked. "I'm saying it." He wanted to choose his words carefully so Ernie would understand exactly what he meant.

"I would probably have lost him along the way." He said softly, not wanting to say that he was afraid it would have turned out like it did with Michael and Ernie, but if there was one thing Wayne and Michael had in common it was the pride and the stubborn attitude. "I things weren't easy when it all ended and.. and there is no telling how things would have happened. But it's true, I would probably have been terribly distracted if I'd been in a relationship."

"I know he's proud and he won't accept easily. What was I thinking.." He shook his head. "I offered him to move into my flat."


Justin chuckled. "Well, I was about to say: Only you can hit me with a ton of bricks like that and get away with it. But it's because you are amazing and brilliant and yeah.. best mate ever."

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-16 03:43 pm UTC (link)
Ernie definitely noticed that while he had used might and maybe in his own speculation on the past, Justin kept using probably. His self-deprecation at play again. Ernie knew it wouldn't change in a day, he only hoped that his support could give Justin what he needed to start to like himself. His eyes widened, however, at the revelation that Justin had offered for Wayne to move in with him. "It's a good thing he said no. Do you know what a bad idea it is to live with someone you have unresolved feelings for? I know you wanted to help, but that's a recipe for torture."

He grinned at that. "Of course I can get away with it. You love me. And how many best mates would allow you to sleep in their beds, no questions asked?" He finally extinguished the light on his wand and set it to the side of the bed, then pulled Justin into his arms. A stranger watching - hell, even some of their friends - would look askance at them lying like this, but for them, it had always been a great comfort and an important part of their friendship. He lied back and encouraged Justin's head onto his chest. "Now let's get some sleep, all right? Things often look clearer in the morning."

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-16 06:08 pm UTC (link)
"You know what?" He said softly as they settled in to sleep. "I offered him before I got confused by the urge to grab and snog him the other night." He wasn't too sure when the shift had happened between him and Wayne, but at some point Justin had clearly let himself vulnerable again with Wayne. "I was cautious when he first came back, but now.. it's different."

"Maybe I should just rent the flat out and get something smaller, like you have. Because it's definitely too big for just me and my parents wouldn't let me take smaller." The Flethcleys had said they were buying him a flat once. ot a small flat, then moving into bigger once he'd meet the right girl and start thinking about a family. Ah well..

Justin was slowly drifting into sleep once he was properly snuggled. "It'll stop one day though.." He whispered as he closed his eyes. Ernie was too awesome to remain single and even if his mate had promised it wouldn't change anything between them, Justin thought it would.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-23 02:44 am UTC (link)
"There are advantages to a smaller flat, yeah," Ernie agreed, "but a nice big one's got good points too. But whatever you decide, I'll support you and if it means moving, you know I'll help."

Ernie almost asked Justin what he meant by It'll stop one day, but he thought he already knew the answer. "Not necessarily. If a bloke doesn't understand how close I am with my mates, and doesn't trust me enough to have a lie-in that's completely platonic, well, then they're not a bloke worth keeping around, now are they?" He pet Justin's hair again, closing his eyes. "No bloke, no matter how sweet or fit or perfect, would ever be worth giving up my mates. They can either take me as I am, or move on."

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-23 02:57 am UTC (link)
"No no, I know that, Ernie. You know I feel the same too.." His voice trailed off as he thought about his next words for a moment. "But our lives are changing though, gotta admit that. And I'll have to start doing this on my own." It filled him with anxiety just thinking about having to do this on his own.

Funny as it were though, he could help others, but not himself.

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-11-25 06:47 pm UTC (link)
"Do what on your own?" Ernie was flummoxed - in his eyes, no matter how independent a person was, they'd always need someone, and there was nothing wrong with that.

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[info]friendlyjustin
2014-11-25 11:23 pm UTC (link)
"Talk myself down from anxious situations?" He said tentatively. He was pretty sure that Ernie would always be there for him whenever he needed, but he was a grown man for fuck's sake, shouldn't he be able to handle meltdowns?

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[info]erniedtmac
2014-12-01 03:39 pm UTC (link)
Ernie nodded in comprehension. "Well, that's always something good to learn to do on our own. Even if you do, though, I'm always here if you need a friend to help."

He yawned and cuddled into the pillow. "Night Just."

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