Thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad you liked my little excerpt. It still needs some work, the whole story needs work, but it makes me feel good to know that someone thinks it's worth finishing, you know?
My problem is that even I don't know what's going to happen in my stories. They seem to just come to me as little scenes. I try to force myself to decide where it will go, but it just never seems to work. Your idea of trying to think of it as describing it to someone else might work. That way I can't go into too many details in my mind. I might try that.