I got bored tonight (never a good sign) and was feeling a bit brain-dead (also not a good sign), so I found this old meme in my journal where you'd go to a website and put in a name and it would give you the name of their... naughty bits. :D (HERE if you want it!) and then I started putting in my characters' names, but then I decided to just do... all of our characters. (and if your character goes by a nickname a lot -- Barty, Benjy, Alex, etc etc -- I did those too!)
Yes, indeed, here are the names of your characters' bits in alphabetical order by surname, so please don't click this if you think it'd be inappropriate to view because there's definitely... well, YOU KNOW. And some of them make me shudder. Others make me LOL.
MEN: Gavin Avery's bits are best described as his "exquisite powerhouse". Xavier Avery's bits are best described as his "skillful drumstick". Damocles Belby's bits are best described as his "pulsating rapscallion". Regulus Black's bits are best described as his "pinkened roundhead". Sirius Black's bits are best described as his "standing scroll". Edgar Bones's bits are best described as his "rising colossus". Jonathon Bones's bits are best described as his "supersized battering-ram". Jon Bones's bits are best described as his "robust key". Douglas Cornfoot's bits are best described as his "hammy submarine". Bartemius Crouch Jr's bits are best described as his "flaming plug". Barty Crouch Jr's bits are best described as his "torrid sky-scraper". John Dawlish's bits are best described as his "bloated transformer". Caradoc Dearborn's bits are best described as his "stubby rivet". Doc Dearborn's bits are best described as his "rock-hard wand". Dedalus Diggle's bits are best described as his "debauched muppet". Guy Dobbs's bits are best described as his "deflated parcel". Aberforth Dumbledore's bits are best described as his "lubricious groin-king". Benjy Fenwick's bits are best described as his "limber plug". Benjamin Fenwick's bits are best described as his "seeping lance". Hector Gibbon's bits are best described as his "impaling blowpipe". Nicholas Harrow's bits are best described as his "raised tool". Caracatus Lestrange's bits are best described as his "heedless sky-scraper". Rabastan Lestrange's bits are best described as his "powerful key". Frank Longbottom's bits are best described as his "importunate Hyperion". Remus Lupin's bits are best described as his "rising penis". Angus MacDougal's bits are best described as his "turgid stalk". Madog MacDougal's bits are best described as his "unmanageable jackhammer". Boyd MacFusty's bits are best described as his "cuddly tackle". Lucius Malfoy's bits are best described as his "rugged snake". Isidore Mulciber's bits are best described as his "insatiable piston". Kamal Nehru's bits are best described as his "towering baton". Patrice Nott's bits are best described as his "substantial lance". Deshan Patil's bits are best described as his "amatory battering-ram". Octavius Pepper's bits are best described as his "gluttonous baton". Pepper's bits are best described as his "bacon-scented tool". Peter Pettigrew's bits are best described as his "lewd battering-ram". Sturgis Podmore's bits are best described as his "bursting banana". James Potter's bits are best described as his "enormous corn-cob". Fabian Prewett's bits are best described as his "wilting cannon". Gideon Prewett's bits are best described as his "ivory phallus". William Proudfoot's bits are best described as his "hypnotic scythe". Gawain Robards's bits are best described as his "substantial spear". Augustus Rookwood's bits are best described as his "virile abbot". Evan Rosier's bits are best described as his "rigid equipment". Rufus Scrimgeour's bits are best described as his "wooden dugong". Dylan Selwyn's bits are best described as his "debauched Casanova". Severus Snape's bits are best described as his "inflatable salami". Doyle Sullivan's bits are best described as his "tireless worm". Malcolm Thomas's bits are best described as his "flaccid excalibur". Theodore Tonks's bits are best described as his "blue-veined manhood". Ted Tonks's bits are best described as his "one-eyed shaft". Giles Vaisey's bits are best described as his "licentious stave". Cecil Warrington's bits are best described as his "pummeling thing". Edward Watkins's bits are best described as his "wiry Pinocchio". Marcus Yaxley's bits are best described as his "hardened equipment". Claude Zeller's bits are best described as his "vast birch". Paul Zeller's bits are best described as his "thrusting carrot".
WOMEN: Mina Alderton's bits are best described as her "gorgeous guinea-pig". Nora Alderton's bits are best described as her "fleshy cranny". Filemina Attley's bits are best described as her "oily purse". Adelaide Banges's bits are best described as her "drizzly void". Addie Banges's bits are best described as her "bristly port". Felicity Banges's bits are best described as her "velutinous amphora". Marion Banges's bits are best described as her "languid rumpus-room". Amelia Bones's bits are best described as her "glistening sugarplum". Calypso Bones's bits are best described as her "heart-shaped cavity". Charity Burbage's bits are best described as her "dank sheath". Amata Carpenter's bits are best described as her "Byzantine guinea-pig". AJ Carpenter's bits are best described as her "sloppy nook". Greta Catchlove's bits are best described as her "buttery depot". Iona Cornfoot's bits are best described as her "nectareous taco". Sarah Cornfoot's bits are best described as her "ardent cranny". Florence Corner's bits are best described as her "velutinous purse". Gretchen Davies's bits are best described as her "flexible mound". Eleanor Diggory's bits are best described as her "gunky pit". Beatrice Greengrass's bits are best described as her "reluctant mousehole". Persephone Jugson's bits are best described as her "refined sanctuary". Alexis Ketteridge's bits are best described as her "tasty rift". Lexi Ketteridge's bits are best described as her "importunate harbour". Bellatrix Lestrange's bits are best described as her "satiny cranny". Celeste Lestrange's bits are best described as her "gorgeous sanctuary". Alice Longbottom's bits are best described as her "yielding sphinx". Gwendolyn MacDougal's bits are best described as her "tenacious window". Gwen MacDougal's bits are best described as her "supernatural grotto". Morgan MacDougal's bits are best described as her "wholesome ragamuffin". Narcissa Malfoy's bits are best described as her "tasty valley". Minerva McGonagall's bits are best described as her "tempting atrium". Effie McKinnon's bits are best described as her "chaste orifice". Marlene McKinnon's bits are best described as her "tooth-lined harbour". Dorcas Meadowes's bits are best described as her "fragrant hamster". Laelia Nott's bits are best described as her "scarlet chink". Lucia Nott's bits are best described as her "ravishing lamia". Portia Parkinson's bits are best described as her "gurgling pigeonhole". Amala Patil's bits are best described as her "fishy sanctuary". Joanna Podmore's bits are best described as her "wholesome ravine". Lily Potter's bits are best described as her "puffy test-tube". Doris Purkiss's bits are best described as her "searing valley". Modesty Rabnott's bits are best described as her "sticky oyster". Diedre Rookwood's bits are best described as her "wholesome fissure". Alexandra Savage's bits are best described as her "moss-lined shelter". Alex Savage's bits are best described as her "tenacious hole". Miriam Strout's bits are best described as her "coveted window". Caoimhe Sullivan's bits are best described as her "searing pocket". Andromeda Tonks's bits are best described as her "sultry home". Lydia Townsley's bits are best described as her "meaty casket". Sloane Vaisey's bits are best described as her "squeezing pool". Emmeline Vance's bits are best described as her "moist rat-hole". Meredith Watkins's bits are best described as her "clammy aperture". Molly Weasley's bits are best described as her "blushing clam". Chloe Wilkes's bits are best described as her "refined burrow". Olivia Wilkes's bits are best described as her "drizzly Charybdis". Amalie Zeller's bits are best described as her "dank doughnut".