Who: Sirius and Hesper. What: Hesper's going to wake up, before going back to sleep. Where: The clinic. When: February 2nd.
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you Angels have no thought of ever returning you Would they be angry if I thought of joining
Hesper had never been so terrified in her entire life before. Even in her previous life when Arcturus had killed her and she had laid there for the few moments it had taken for her to die she hadn't been anywhere near this afraid or upset or terrified. She would never have told anyone but her dying then had been a welcomed a relief. Life had started to get painful for her, living with no real reason to live for and living alone had taken its toll on her. To not have to go through the motions any longer, to not have to be a robot and put on a face whenever she saw anyone and pretend to be happy or content when she wasn't had been a huge relief for her and even though she had been furious for what Arcturus had done to her, she had also been incredibly grateful. This though, this was nothing like that. Waiting to die, waiting and knowing that no one could save her, that no one was coming for her and that she would die terrified her. It terrified her even more to think of what it would do to Arcturus and Sirius, more Sirius than Arcturus though. Who would have thought or known that all it would take for them to be open and honest with another like they had been that night was for one of them to be waiting to die? It was the most unusual situation but it fit who they were and how they. She didn't want to leave it though. She didn't want to leave. After all of this time, after everything they had been through and gone through together. Through fights and arguments, blood and tears, break ups and make ups, passion unlike anything anyone else had ever known and a divorce that had finally ended everything for good, or so she had thought, she had finally realized that there truly would never be anyone else for. It would always be Sirius, always, and even though she was married to another man (one that if she were completely honest with herself was only meant to pass the time for a while) she had never stopped loving Sirius, never. And she never would.
It took waiting to die, knowing what was coming and that she couldn't stop it for her to not only realize that but to tell him that as well and she had been terrified even more so after that confession of never getting to see him again. Of never getting to hug him or go to bed with him. Of never getting to wake up next to him again or of getting to do what they did best together with him again and it had been all she could do not break down right then and there and tell him that all of his words, his hope and his promises of being able to save and rescue her were for nothing. It had taken everything in her to keep from telling him that it was too late, that he would never make it in time and that even though she would be gone she would always love him. She knew though that if she told him he would show up, he would be there and Hesper knew that there was no way she could go through all of this, no way she could go to her death and with all of the grace and dignity a Black possessed if he was there. If she had had to have seen him before she died it would have been her undoing and she didn't want that. Not to mention she didn't want him there to see it or witness any of it. It would have only made him even more upset had he stood by and watched and not been able to save her and she didn't want him burdened with that thought.
She had managed to keep quiet though and as the sun rose and she hoped that neither Sirius or Arcturus would be present she had followed the guards who came for her, her head held high and a blank look on her face. She didn't falter once, choosing to ingore the looks she got whether they were looks of pity, regret, sorrow, or open happiness at her being gone. She didn't care. None of them mattered to her. She had foolishly hoped though that somehow, someway she would be able to get out of this and as she was led up the stairs and onto the platform, the hands at her sides shaking but not enough for anyone to notice she had tried to apparate out, hoping to be able to rub it in Henry's face later on that his pathetic god and failed him and she would make him pay for what he had tried to do. Her hope had been foolish though and as attempt after attempt after attempt failed her panic and fear rose higher though her face showed none of it. She would not break down in front of these people. She would not let them see her as weak or anything but the regal Black she had always been, even after divorcing Sirius she had never lost that quality about her. Once a Black always a Black though and she should have known that but somewhere along the way she had lost sight of it, only to gain it back at the very end.
As she had knelt, her eyes closed and her hands fisted tightly at her sides, praying that something would save her at the last minute her final thought had been of Sirius and how she had wished they had fixed things sooner, that they had stopped being so stubborn sooner. Had they done that none of this would be happening. They could have been lying on a beach somewhere together, naked and tangled up in a way only they could tangle together. She hoped he knew that she loved him, and that her declaration had not just been made out of fear before there were more thoughts. There was nothing. It shouldn't have been a surprise as there had been nothing the first time around either but somehow she had thought it would be different. Everything else had been so different why shouldn't this be? But it wasn't and once more she was alone.