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How to Lose a Life [closed to Genma & Kakashi] [Apr. 19th, 2008|06:48 pm]
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[User Picture]From: [info]fallen_senbon
2008-04-20 03:55 am (UTC)

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"Two. I killed two in combat, and wounded a third badly enough he was out of the fight." Genma's voice picked up a harsh edge. A hint of mania. "The third died afterwards, under questioning. He proved an unsuitable information source." He'd been a kid, maybe a chuunin, only thirteen or fourteen. Only a few years younger than Kakashi, and still with baby-fat in his cheeks and a desperate plea for his life on his lips. Genma had asked him just enough to determine he didn't know anything they didn't already know themselves, then he'd looked at Kakashi, slumped in grief over the blood-soaked carcass of a deep-chested hunting hound; looked at Ayako's ruin of a face, skin peeled back from her skull, ruptured eyeball hanging grotesquely from one socket; looked at Nobuki flayed in half with pink-grey lungs and a purple heart swelling up through his desecrated chest. He'd looked at his own bloody hands, tipped his mask back so the boy could see the face of the man who killed him, and smiled grimly while he crushed his larynx.

"I killed two, disabled the third, and sustained an ankle fracture in combat. I was unaware of the severity at the time. Once the enemy were down, I turned my attention to attempting to save my team." Genma gagged. He hadn't felt that coming. He was telling the woman from Intel what had happened, remembering what he'd seen, what he'd done, and suddenly he felt his stomach seize, felt a hot rush of bile in his throat. It was one sneak attack after another, it seemed. Ambushed by their enemy. Injured without realizing it. Brought in for questions by a Sentry escort from the moment he and Kakashi had shown up at Konoha's Southern Gate, blood-covered and in Genma's case, limping badly. Silent but for the occasional grunt of pain.

He swallowed hard, swallowed again, felt his eyes tearing and his mouth flood with saliva. He was not going to humiliate himself, he thought, and grit his teeth, breathing slowly through his nose. After a moment the nausea receded, and he picked up his cigarette again. Inhaled the smoke which burned in his acid-stung throat.

"I ascertained that Ayako was beyond saving. She still had a pulse, but her injury was too severe to sustain life. She had an open fracture of the skull with partial avulsion of the face." She had been still breathing, a terrible, gurgling sound, as air burbled in and out of her ruined mouth and the hole where her nose should have been. "I terminated her so that she wouldn't suffer."

The sickness came back, sharp and insistent, and Genma shut his eyes and lowered his head to the table, face turned away from Kakashi, from the interviewer. It was the sentry still in the room who pushed a wastebasket towards him. A kindness or a practicality? Genma didn't care. He was past caring. He swallowed again, and used the same willpower that had gotten him home to keep himself from vomiting now.
From: [info]fallen_npc
2008-04-20 03:58 am (UTC)

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Kimiho looked from one agent to the other, the first slumped over as if he simply didn't have the strength to remain upright, the second slouched and held carefully still in his chair, and made another note on her pad. Between them they'd accounted for all the enemy shinobi reported present--

Fifteen total. Fourteen killed in combat. One escaped.

-- as well as the deaths of both teammates --

Oda Ayako: fatal injuries sustained; terminated by comrade. Ishida Nobuki: killed in combat.

-- the reasons behind their own reasonably unharmed status --

ANBU veterans. Luck.

-- and the failure of the mission--

Greater enemy force than anticipated. Casualties sustained. Retreat recommended as the most advisable option; two agents still retrieved.

She glanced up again, neutral gaze moving from one only partially visible face to one she couldn't see at all. "Very well, is there anything either of you would like to add?" She paused as a flicker of killing intent uncurled. The sentries stiffened. "Hatake-san?"
[User Picture]From: [info]fallen_kakashi
2008-04-20 04:03 am (UTC)

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Kakashi's focus wasn't on the woman calling his name. His attention was on the teammate to his left. On Genma, laid down with his head against the table and his scent curdling with nausea and misery. On the man he could finally see because he'd turned to look.

Genma wasn't much older than Kakashi. They were both built about the same; tall and long-limbed. He wasn't any stronger. Certainly not smarter. Definitely no wiser. He was just an ANBU, like Kakashi was an ANBU. Different masks, same armour. Same mission.

Except Kakashi had killed five Rock-nin, while Genma had let two teammates die. Killed one with his own hands, in fact, and ignored the other. Refused to heal the other because he'd been too busy shoving his chakra into a dead man's ribcage and a corpse was more important than a canine.

More important than one of his pack.

The careful numbness wrapped around Kakashi's chest shattered, splintering into jagged shards of raw grief. His focus dissolved. Another one. He'd lost another one. Thirteen now, of the closest thing he had left to a family. Thirteen dogs and Arihiro shouldn't have been one of them. He'd been wounded, but not gone. Hurt enough to scream, but alive enough to save.

And Genma hadn't, even when Kakashi had begged.

His fists clenched again, fingers digging into bandages and skin. Pain spiked a nasty little corkscrew. He didn't feel it. He was too busy looking at the man who'd cost him a life, a family member, by refusing to do his job. Too busy watching the image playing through his own head, written in sharingan red. To busy feeling blood run under his hands and harden in the cracks, feeling a heartbeat flicker and stutter against his palm, feeling his chakra run away like water, because he'd put as much as he could into his friend, given away as much as he had. Watched it make no difference because he didn't know enough medical jutsu to shape it right.

What he had left rippled now, coiling under his skin with a slippery red pulse. "It's a good thing," he rasped into the quiet room, trying to find the right words to hurt, "that you don't care about your teammates, Shiranui. It must make it so much easier when you kill them."
[User Picture]From: [info]fallen_senbon
2008-04-20 04:07 am (UTC)

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Genma came alive in a heartbeat. Came alive, shoving back from the table, away from Kakashi. Knocking over the wastebasket, the chair he'd been sitting in, the pair of crutches he'd limped into this room on. Backing up, reaching for a katana that wasn't strapped to his back, and at the same moment realizing that if he'd found it there, and used it, he'd be exactly what Kakashi accused him of being.

"I had to," he rasped, staring in horror at the Intel agent as she rose to her feet. At the sentries as they moved back into combat readiness. "I had to, she couldn't survive. You saw her face! You saw her! She was in agony!" His appeal fell on deaf ears. Just as his own had been deafened on that blood-soaked battlefield.

It wasn't Ayako's agony that Kakashi cared about, not then and not now. The sounds had been muffled and wrong, distorted by a horrible wind that had rushed past Genma's ruined ear drums. Ayako's dying gurgles, and Nobuki's anguished screams, and Kakashi keening for his dog.

"Nobuki was... I.. He was alive, dammit. I had to try to save him. I didn't know about the poison. He was alive, and I could have saved him. You know medical protocol, damnit." He was staring at Kakashi now, shouting--no whispering. Whispering his defense. There was no defense. He'd killed Ayako, and he'd failed to save Nobuki. He'd felt Nobuki's life pulsing out between his fingers, felt his own chakra draining away to nothing as he worked frantically to bring his comrade--his friend--back from a death he'd refused to accept was inevitable.

Kakashi had been screaming at him that Nobuki was already dead, which Genma had known was a lie. It had been a lie. A crazed, desperate lie, because Kakashi's dog was dying, too, and Kakashi wanted that dog to live even more than Nobuki. It hadn't mattered what Kakashi wanted. Humans came first. Human comrades always came first. Summoned animals were lower priority, and if there were two catastrophic injuries, one to a human and one to a dog, and only one medic, the medic worked on the human. Always. No exceptions.

The medic worked on the human.

Genma had worked, frantically, desperately, shouting to Kakashi to just hold on a little longer. To keep his dog stable with chakra support, and he'd get there as soon as he had Nobuki stabilized. As soon as he had Nobuki's heart back. As soon as he had the bleeding under control. But the bleeding had been uncontrollable, and Nobuki had died and by the time Genma turned to try to help Kakashi, it had been too late. Too late for Nobuki, too late for Ayako. Too late for the dog.

He'd stared at Kakashi, and Kakashi had stared at him, mouthing words Genma couldn't hear. All he could hear was the rushing wind silence of damaged eardrums and the frantic hammering of his own heart.
From: [info]fallen_npc
2008-04-20 04:12 am (UTC)

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What ever had happened on that mission, it clearly wasn't over. Not by a long shot. There had been three sentries in the room, now there were five. Two flanking Genma, taking him by the arms, holding him up in place of the crutches he'd knocked aside. Restraining him with a steady flow of chakra that easily overpowered his drained flicker.

Two more flanked Kakashi, who was also on his feet. Holding him in place, lest he make a lunge for his teammate. The fifth stood at Kimiho's side, sturdy, calm. In command.

These sorts of debriefings always went one of two ways: either the survivors clung to each other like frightened children, or they did this. Turned on each other in their rage and their grief. Violent men pushed pass the point of tolerance. Kimiho turned to the sentry commander at her side and nodded. She had finished her interview, but she still had a job to do. They both did. They all did.

"Hatake-san, Shiranui-san," she said, looking from one to the other. "My finding is that the actions taken on this mission were justifiable. There was no way to achieve a satisfactory outcome beyond your own survival. You will," she said, and her voice took on a steely tone, "stand down. Immediately. Or be confined on a psychiatric hold."

It was no idle threat. And it would hurt them, to have that in their records. It wouldn't be the first such hold for either man, she knew. Perhaps it had been too soon to send Shiranui out. Perhaps Hatake's antisocial bent had grown pathological since his last evaluation. She would make a recommendation that he be assigned exclusively solo missions for several months at least.
[User Picture]From: [info]fallen_kakashi
2008-04-20 04:14 am (UTC)

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Kakashi leashed his chakra back, pulling it once more into exhausted pathways. It flooded back from his hands, released now that he hadn't called on it for a jutsu, and threaded back through his body, settling down to a tired pulse. The sentries didn't let go.

The woman was threatening them. He tilted his head slightly, sliding her a look. She was, technically, a senior agent. An Intel personnel assigned to review their case and determine just how much they'd messed up by bringing back dogtags instead of people. She had her own story, her own mistakes. Her own dead people that meant she was the best person to get them to talk. To stop them killing each other.

He still hated her. She might have been a senior agent, but she wasn't the Hokage. ANBU swore an oath of loyalty when they joined, and 'senior agents' wasn't on it. Honor, village, Hokage, teammates.

It didn't list summons.

His mouth fractured into a raw smile. Genma hadn't broken the rules, but Kakashi had still lost anyway. He looked back at Genma, held between his own guards, and tried to remember what detachment felt like. What numbness was. He still couldn't catch a full breath.

Could have saved him, Genma had said. Whispered. Looked at Kakashi's face and lied to him while they both still had blood on their hands. On their swords. He'd granted one mercy stroke and refused the other. Instead he'd kept his fingers around Nobuki's failing heart just long enough to make his death truly agonizing, while Kakashi's dog had paid for doing his job right. While he'd bled out in a hot rush of red that hadn't stopped no matter how hard Kakashi had tightened his grip. While he'd died pointlessly, needlessly, because Genma had made the wrong choice and family didn't mean the same as people.

"If you could have saved him," he said, granting himself words as the only weapon he'd use against a teammate, "then you would have. You failed. Arihiro paid for it." His chakra rippled again. The sentries' hold tightened. "If you ever get the nerve to defect, Shiranui, you better run a whole lot further than Stone. You owe me a life, and I don't mind it being yours."