seaglass_bird (seaglass_bird) wrote in exvoto, @ 2013-01-03 09:58:00 |
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Entry tags: | dalit, sena |
a taste of something better
(Just after take) The fire had gone out. Sena barely noticed as she sat on the floor in front of the hearth, her new dress that Dalit had given her soaked with seawater. In her haste to escape Ghost, she had fallen from the rope and into the water. She shivered, hugging her knees with her face buried in her arms. Her gold hair clung to her face and neck as she sat in the dark, on the ground, alone. The tears had gone dry against her cheeks, stinging her skin. Dalit could feel something strange, something off. The air was bitter and heavy, unlike its usual weight and it disturbed him. Home was the only thing on his mind suddenly and he thought nothing of work, nothing of Ghost as he made his way through the docks and winding streets. The air was bitter. And it disturbed him. Familiar paths led the way to his den and soon he found himself there, in the door way, in the strange darkness of his strange home. He frowned, eyes as troubled as this seas that evening, staring and worried. “Sena? What’s wrong?” The girl said nothing. She just drew herself down tighter, hiding from the world. Her joints ached with cold. She tried to speak, but nothing came out. A tight choking noise escaped unopened lips. On her second attempt, she murmured. "I said such horrible things." Dalit was by her side in seconds, coat off and around her shoulders, heavy and course and warm. He sat down, leaning, worried, fearful of something he didn’t quite understand. “Sena, you’re soaked. What happened? Please, speak to me.” He thought to make the fire but then again no. He could in a moment. He had to be close to her, to give her his fully attention. "I said such horrible things," she repeated. She was trying so hard to tell him, trying to order the events of the night and explain. Nothing came out. It was all weak, broken fragments from an exhausted teenage girl smothered in emotion and angst. "She took it from me but I--" she sucked in air like she was drowning. "I said such horrible things." Dalit sighed. He wasn’t going to get anything from her like this. Standing, he urged her up, even if he had to support her, and helped her to the bedroom. “It’s alright, dove, it’s alright. First thing, we need to get you out of those wet clothes.” The last thing he needed was for her to catch sick. The nightclothes he had gotten for her were quickly laid out and he stepped from the room to give her privacy, but ever so close to the door in case she called for him. Sena was almost dead weight in his arms. When he closed the door she stared at the nightgown and shuddered. Cloth on cloth with promises of making everything alright. Nothing was alright. Rana had stolen it from her, taken it away like a toy from a child's hands. Numb fingers stripped her wet things off and clumsily donned the fresh clothes. She didn't feel any warmer as she shuffled out of the bedroom. "I went to see Rana," she said in a lifeless monotone. "Ghost is in port and I heard she was sick. I went to see if she was ok." Dalit was quiet as he waited patiently. When Sena came from the bedroom, he turned to watch her, just as sad as always, perhaps even more so when she spoke. “Oh, dove.” He leaned down to better look at her, frowning. “What happened?” He was fretting over her, musing quietly to himself that he had promised when they first met he wouldn’t be doing this. But here he was, afraid for her. Her comment about Ghost, however, did not go unnoticed. He would simply ask later. She finally looked up at him, her normally innocent face looking so tired. "She kissed me." Her fingers hid her lips and it took a moment for her to follow that with an almost inaudible, "My first kiss. She… took my first kiss and then told me to get out." Her chest rose up with a struggling inhale, her voice tight with tears once more. "I told her I hated her," and her regret at her reaction was so obviously the source of her agony. Dalit blinked. And Stared. The first question that came to mind was the fact that was her first kiss. But he figured that would be extremely insensitive so he shoved it aside. He frowned. Hated her? Well, he was certainly glad about that part but— “I’m sorry that happened to you.” He sat down, offering a lap should she feel unable to stand as she spoke. “What did she do when you said that?” The emotion rose back up, the feeling of having her tenuous bond broken rearing up at her. "I used to think she loved me--I mean," she sank into his lap slowly, hesitant. Afraid. "I thought she loved me in her own way but I think she--I mean I really think she…. I think she doesn't even see me as a person. I don't think she does." Her hands were in her lap, shoulders drawn and tense. "It was a test. It was a test and I failed. I should have let her…. let her do whatever she…" The girl gagged on the words. "I said such horrible things…" The fortune teller shook his head roughly at that, holding her close, comforting, protectively. “No, you shouldn’t. It’s not right for someone to let someone else doing something like…no, trust me. You did the right thing. I know it might seem terrible to you right now, but you did the right thing.” A sigh left frowning lips and he rested his chin against her shoulder. “I wish I had something to say to make everything better. Why did you go to see her? And how the devil did you get on Ghost?” "I thought… she's never been sick before and I…" she hid her face in his neck, burying herself in his pulse. "I just wanted to see her and I'm so stupid for thinking she… might need me. I'm stupid." Her fingers caught the bottom of his shirt, gripping it in her fist. "I just climbed on…? I… lived there with Rana and Cross. It's not hard, I'm…." stupid unwanted a failure "…small." Dalit looked surprised at that, shocked. Perhaps annoyed? No, not so, not to Sena. "You lived on Ghost?" Obviously, you stupid man, she just said so. Fortune teller sigh, sad smile. He hugged her close, held her close. "You're not stupid, you're not. I promise. But please, dove, promise me you won't go off like that again. You...You don't need to be around her. Not, at least, not right now." Why did he sound so worried? The girl breathed slowly against Dalit's cheek as if she was aware of each draw of air, each slow exhale. The world had shifted for her and she regained her footing through her lungs, basing the new foundation on the safety of the fortune-teller's proximity. The fear of being touched, of being harmed, still ran through her like an ugly slash of black against white silk. But Dalit's embrace was a place of safety, and in it she felt the pain already beginning to dull. "Have you ever loved someone that didn't love you back?" she asked softly. "Someone who would never love you back no matter how hard you tried?" Sena rubbed the fabric of his shirt between her finger and thumb. "I mean, I really mean no matter what, you knew they'd just keep rejecting you over and over and over..." Her fists tightened. "Just keep hurting you, no matter how much you just wanted them to love you like you love them? Just say 'I'm proud of you' once? Because you're really trying and you're doing your best but... it's just not enough for them. Maybe nothing will be enough for them. I mean... ever." Her shoulders lifted and sank again with a sigh. "That probably sounds silly." Dalit was silent as she spoke, his own thoughts invading her words, memories and annoyances and-- He smiled weakly when she sighed and leaned in, tucking his head against her neck, gently on her shoulder. "It does not sound silly." He understood. But that was because of his own foolish, stupid actions; his own self-fullfilling rejection. The fortune teller pulled himself away from the tanger thoughts and frowned. "And I know how impossible it is to get away from that. Oh, my dove...But I will be your support through this, I swear it." Why? Why was he so intent on helping her? She needed him. Dalit found his fingers running over her hair, through her hair. He smiled softly. Sena's face flushed hotly as she slid her fingers up to hold his head against her throat, cradling him preciously and desperately. She seemed almost embarrassed at his pledge, used to giving such vows but never receiving them. "Cross your heart?" she said after a moment, carried on an undercurrent of breath. Small hands closed around locks of his hair. "Don't hope to die, but... but do cross your heart?" Palm pressed against his chest on the left side, feeling the thumping under his skin. "Right there?" Dalit smiled. He nodded. "Yes, cross my heart." A strong heart, a lion's heart. A coward's heart. But he would swear to her and to the end of time that he would keep his vow, be here as she needed him. She breathed out in deep relief, as if his promise was more solid than the ground under them. "One… more thing…" Sena's hands crept down to his cheeks, cupping his face. Though she held it so she could look into his eyes, her own gaze flitted to the ceiling. "Will you kiss me?" She took in a deep breath, preparing to spill out another of her signature run on sentences. "I mean, I just want to… I don't want that to be the only… my first and the only kiss I mean--I just want to…" Finally her eyes roamed back to his, horribly embarrassed and slightly flustered. "I don't want her on my lips… I'm sorry, that's…" her hands turned shy and slid down to his shoulders, finding bits of fabric to hold on to once again. "It's a stupid thing to ask, I'm sorry, you probably… uhm." Dalit was quiet, in surprise, as Sena spoke, requested. A kiss? Well, it...it couldn't hurt. She obviously needed it. And it was harmless. Certainly he thought it would be harmless. Hands moved, fingers ran along her shoulders, to her neck, to her jaw and he leaned down, gentle chaste. It was sweet but cautious but caring. So, so very caring. The girl's body stiffened at first, expecting the aggression that her master had planted on her soft lips. Slowly, her eyes flickered shut and she melted against him. It felt so much more right, so much more how she had imagined it would with someone who cared for her, someone she cared for. She would never ever say that she never ever wanted it to end. Dalit continued to kiss her a few more moments, a few more seconds, before he pulled away with a soft smile. Ever, always a gentle smile for his dove. |