Aldi (aldiara) wrote in eskimo_kiss, @ 2010-04-16 12:03:00 |
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Current mood: | chipper |
Spoiler Rifftracks (eps 934-937)
So I'll continue to post AWZ spoiler translations on GoDT unless one of the other Germans does it first, but I've been thinking I could crosspost them over here. I know many of you don't frequent the board but maybe you still want to discuss spoilers. Or, you know, make fun of them because they're so traditionally unreliable and never turn out the way they're phrased. (Example: "Deniz writes a love letter" --> cue fandom dissolving into howling paroxyms of hilarity and expecting total delicious crack --> fast forward six weeks, witness one of the loveliest moments in the development of DeRo 2.0 and sobbing/delighted/totally crushed fangirls everywhere. And not a trace of crack.) So I'll start doing that as of next week.
However. If the spoilers are amusing, the spoiler pics are MADE OF WHATEVER EXTRAHILARIOUS CRACK BULLE SLIPPED INTO ROMAN'S NOSE SPRAY. I swear, in every batch there are at least two that have me gasping for breath. And for a while last year I was having fun snark-captioning the hell out of them on the seifen_slash comm while DeRo 2.0 was in full swing. I'm not as active on s_s these days, but I enjoyed that when I was doing it, so I thought I might pick it up again over here, see how it goes. And please feel free to throw in your own captions in the comments!
And this week's batch leaves absolutely nothing to be desired in the TOTAL CRACK department:
Episode 934:
(Actual caption: Katja runs into her mother Claudia at the bar and is overwhelmed by her presence. Marian is wondering about their strange relationship.)
Marian: Your mum is hot.
Katja: OMG DON'T EVEN GO THERE.
Marian: No, really. Do you think she'd go for a slice of Turkish macho ass?
Katja: STOP LOOKING AT MY MOTHER LIKE SHE IS A SEXUAL BEING.
Marian: But... HOT.
Katja: Look, if you guys hook up, Deniz and I will be siblings and then we'll have to fall in love because that's how soaps work and then everyone will start hating on me and stop calling me Freckles and. DO NOT WANT.
Marian: Hmmmmm.
Katja: *bagplants*
Actual caption: Roman convinces Annette that he's over Marc.
Annette: Uh huh. Over Marc. Totes.
Roman: I AM SO OVER HIM. SO.
Annette: That's why he's been troublespamming all over the spoilers for weeks now and you've been a wibbly, giggly, nervous wreck?
Roman: LOOK INTO MY EYES. I AM OVER MARC. COULD THESE EYES LIE? THEY HAVE LASHES.
Annette: You need to get Greasy Max to teach you how to do the magic hand wave, boyfriend.
Actual caption: Celine promises Zoé to find a solution for her problem.
Celine: ZOE, I WILL FIND A SOLUTION FOR YOUR PROBLEM.
Zoé: My mum's a total slag who got knocked up by my ex-grandfather and wears bedouin tents as shirts. In what universe is there a solution to that?
Celine: ...eat your breakfast.
(Actual caption: Same as for Marian/Katja above.)
Claudia: I see... a grey mist... with images.... floating... a grave... a mirror... a zombie... a blonde skater strangled by my daughter's braid...
Katja: SHE'S NUTS. TOTALLY DERANGED. STRANGLING WITH BRAIDS, ME? PFFFT. I AM GUILELESS. SHE IS INSANE.
Marian: But hot.
Katja: STOPPIT!
Episode 935
(No actual caption.)
Lena: Wow, Max... your head is ENORMOUS!
(No actual caption.)
Lena: And what giant pores you have!
(No actual caption.)
Max: The better to drizzle you with, my love.
(Actual caption: Maximilian sets up a romantic date for Lena.)
Max: Stop staring at my head, woman.
Lena: Just.... wow.
Max: I AM BEAUTIFUL AND THE MAN YOU LOVE *magic hand wave*
Lena: But... your HEAD...
Max: THE. MAN. YOU. LOVE. *hypnotises*
Lena: yesmaster.
(No actual caption.)
Simone: I haz a blinvisible potty.
Max: EMBARRASSMENT SQUICK, MUM.
(Actual caption: Maximilian reassures Simone that he sees no danger for his family life. Alexander is playing on his tricycle.)
Max: Confess, impostor. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY SON?
Simone: Does the cutie-wootie wanna turn on Grammy's blinvisible potty? Does he now? Suchacutiepatootie!
Max: Mum, you're interfering with my terrifying interrogation. Also, that's the wrong child.
Simone: Soz.
(Actual caption: Zoe is satisfied with the success of her scheme to split up Celine and Richard and discusses her plans with Maximilian.)
Zoé: ...so I thought he's into generation-hopping, right? So I just set up the camera near the bed and stole one of my mum's bedouin tents and-
Max: OMG-GROSS-I-DON'T-WANT-TO-HEAR-THIS STOP MAKING WORDS HAPPEN WITH YOUR MOUTH NOW, DEVILSPAWN.
Constanze: Awww. What about my fic?
Max: You still haven't finished the Bergmann sisters 3some WIP, woman!
Constanze: It's a process. You can't rush it.
Max: Sigh.
(Actual caption: Zoé is satisfied to see that Ingo is also on her side in the fight against Richard. He believes her story that Richard beat her - unlike Celine, who doesn't show her doubts openly.
Zoé: So.
Ingo: So...
Zoé: *cough*
Ingo: Hrmmm.
Celine: Say something! Your daughter dresses like a ho and tells lies about my geriatric boyfriend!
Ingo: Prenez le poisson et les congés.
Episode 936
(Actual caption: Maximilian continues to work his powers of persuason on Lena to convince her to have a second child. [NO REALLY. THE ACTUAL CAPTION SAYS HE'S WORKING HIS POWERS OF PERSUASION. HYPNOTISING MAX IS CANON.]
Greasy Max: Nine months of waddling with YOUR HAND AT THE LEVEL OF YOUR BACK... excruciating birth agony... shitty diapers... no sleep... breast-pumping... no social life... mad hair... spewage of all sorts... *magic hand wave*
Lena: I WANT I WANT I WANT GIMME.
(Actual caption: Lena is overwhelmed by Maximilian's wish for a second child.
Maximilian: From beneath you it devours.
Lena: I'm confused. Did you mindmojo me into thinking this delicious strawberry is Baby2? Am I about to devour my own child? Do you want me to? I live to serve you, master, but your wishes are very strange and greek Mythology-like.
Maximilian: Eat sexy strawberry. Caress my gargantuan head. Birth my greasy offspring. *magic hand wave*
Lena: Gotcha. Just clarifying.
(No actual caption.)
Jenny: PRE-WORN THONG DELIVERY FROM MARIAN, YAYZ!
Axel: Sorry, I sniffed it.
(Actual caption: Axel gets carried away and kisses Jenny. But she reacts with annoyance and rejection.
Axel: SMOOCH.
Jenny: WHUT. WHUT. WHUT IS THIS. ERK? CONTROLLER LIPS. LIPS OF CONTROLLER. OMG. DUDE, DID YOU JUST SLIP ME YOUR BREATHMINT??
Episode 937
(Actual caption: Marian finds Claudia at the halfpipe and asks if he can help her. Struggling for composure, Claudia thanks him but refuses. While Marian heads back to his bar, Claudia takes out her wallet and longingly looks at a photo of Katja.
Marian: Yo, şekerim. Need some cream? A salami? A place to stay?
Claudia: I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of fangirls suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear an OTP may have been broken... what? What do you want? Who are you?
Marian: Öztürk Investigations. We help the homeless.
Claudia: You pick up homeless chicks at the halfpipe? Dude, desperate much?
Marian: Hey, don't diss it before you've tried it.
(Actual caption: Roman puts in a good word for [his brother] Florian with Simone - successfully.
Roman: He's, uhm, cute. And pint-sized. And very good at nipple-tweaking *demonstrates*
Simone: He can pick up his contract in 15 minutes.
(Actual caption: Jenny humiliates Axel in front of Simone by loudly telling him that she only married him for business reasons and never to touch her again.
Jenny: Axel, it's a conspiracy! And it's taking on huge proportions! We've got to do something!
Axel: What? What? What?
Jenny: SHE IS MAKING EVERY WOMAN IN THE OFFICE WEAR ORANGE.
Axel: *gasp*
Brigitte: NO, REALLY. I JUST FELT LIKE WEARING ORANGE TODAY.
Axel: It's okay. You can trust me.
Brigitte: TO MATCH THE WALLS IN THE LOBBY.
Axel: You can tell me what she threatened you with.
Brigitte: I JUST LOVE ORANGE, DON'T YOU?
Axel: My wife and I will make it stop. Trust Uncle Dr. Steinkamp-Schwarz.
Brigitte: MY FAVOURITE COLOUR. I'm sorry, I NEED this job.