player npcs. (citizenries) wrote in emillion, @ 2014-08-10 10:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !log, !npc: kiyoko matsudaira, merrion priddy |
you're making me feel not alone.
Who: Merri & Ran
What: Talking about Carbuncle.
Where: Ran's apartment.
When: Backdated to late July.
Rating: Tame!
Status: Complete.
She had thought to let it pass on its own, at first, to let Merri's anxiety run its course and go away, but it did not. She saw him more and more often of late, and outside of conversation there was a permanent crease between his eyebrows, as though he kept puzzling over something; more than once she had been tempted to inquire about it, then told herself her role was not to delve into his worries, but to let him have some time away from them, and support him. Several weeks passed before she found herself sitting him down on the couch with a cup of tea and taking his hand. Wondering when her policy of maintaining a simple unassuming harmony had lost to actual concern. Wondering when the occasional dates had morphed into him spending four nights out of seven at her apartment, when her carefully orchestrated arrangement had turned into a relationship. How long until his belongings started populating her shelves and drawers, until he found out everything, until he left. Her fingers laced through his. "You have been worried about something," she said softly. "If you would like to share it with me, I will listen. Perhaps I may be able to help." Merri met Ran’s eyes briefly before he let them fall to their entwined hands. He wasn’t sure where to start, or, more importantly, if he dared share. He was getting along easier with the little creature in his head, true, but it was still a slow process, and he still had many worries. Some of those worries were still more on how others might respond, and now, he worried how Ran might react if he revealed his latest and most troubling secret. He knew that she was not one of the many who thought the mages a threat; otherwise, she would have left him long ago. But would this be the tipping point? “I… I don’t know if anyone really can. It’s…” He pursed his lips; he still didn’t know what he wanted to say. "It is all right," Ran said, giving him a reassuring smile. "Even if I cannot help, I can still listen. I am here for you, Merri." Merri smiled back. He found that he wanted to tell her. He really did. But the words died in his throat, and his mind scrambled for the best way to say it. Carbuncle was of little help now, being very silent. (Strangely, it was times like this that Merri wondered if he was truly going mad, not when Carbuncle spoke to him.) “It’s… complicated to explain…” He finally managed. “And I still don’t…” What was he trying to say? “I’m still… scared?” Her expression hardened — the look of gentle concern gave way to a severity she had never shown him before. There was steel in her demeanour now, something fierce; her back was straighter and her eyes narrowed as she asked, "Has anyone tried to hurt you because of your position? Are you in danger?" Merri stared, shocked at her sudden anger, a side of her he never knew she had. After taking a moment to compose himself, he smiled again, gripping her hands with as much comfort as he could. “No, no, it’s not that at all, it’s…” But he’d be lying if he said he didn't worry that the consequences of Carbuncle, if made public, would result in exactly that. “Something… happened. Not with anyone yet, not because of who I -- what I am, yet, but… and if people found out…” That wasn’t all, but it was the easiest to talk about. In her head sprung to life a million terrible ways that Merri could be in danger, reasons he would be afraid, secrets that could make him the target of other people's rage. Despite those horrible thoughts, she brought her expression back under control (there would be time later to think about why she had let it slip from her grasp in the first place, but perhaps there was no longer anything she could do about it.) "If this is something that would turn people against you if they knew, I will listen, and keep your secret." Her voice was softer now, but the fire remained. "And if it were to become known, at that time, I will protect you. I will not let you come to harm." "Ran..." Again, Merri found himself unsure of how to react. So he brought her hands to his lips, kissed her fingers, and held them there as he fell into thought again. He believed her, that much he knew. He felt it with every fiber of his being. And he found that he did want to tell her everything, but he did not know how to explain it without using the most prominent example of his situation to date -- the worst case scenario, something that he knew now was almost the opposite of his. Was he worried for nothing? Aside from the public response, that was. "It's... a long story," he began. "And probably nothing too concerning, aside from how others might react." "Yet you are concerned. But it is all right." She gave him a small smile to reassure him. "After hearing it, I will still be here." (The same words out of someone else's mouth might have been no more than a platitude. But not in her case.) He hoped so, he truly did, and again, he found that he wholly believed her. “Thank you,” he murmured, “though I wouldn’t blame you if… you took it back… once I tell you.” And with that, he knew he had no choice but to tell her. “Do… you remember that monster from when the last Sage… during that attack? It’s not nearly that bad, don’t worry, but… it’s something like… that.” He braced himself for her response. "But they said the monster vanished after the Sage was defeated." Her expression was pensive, and she spoke slowly, thinking out loud. "And yet, there have been others before that, and since. And the girl who helped cure the plague... that beast that helped her appeared several days in a row." She paused; then, looking at Merri, asked, "You have something similar?" The fact that she didn't react in horror was more than Merri thought would have happened, and he tentatively let his shoulders relax. "Yes," he replied. "Something more like Asura -- the one who cured the plague." "There is more than one kind?" The question came unbidden; then, curbing her curiosity, she smiled briefly and squeezed Merri's hand. "That is unimportant, never mind. What matters is, are you feeling all right? Is it," she hesitated, unsure how to phrase it, "negatively affecting you in any way?" He shook his head. “No. That is, I don’t think so.” Aside from regularly questioning his sanity, that was, but not in the dangerous sort of way. Again, he hoped. “I… haven’t been able to tell.” But then, had Vivian, before… everything happened? Another pause, and he squeezed Ran’s hand back with a small smile as the fact sunk in: “You’re… still here.” He looked like he had fully expected her to change her mind and leave, to cut all ties because of the creature (whatever it was). Those feelings were all too familiar to her; they were with her every year for every unanswered letter, every unacknowledged present. She pushed thoughts of her father out of her mind and placed a kiss on Merri's forehead. "I said I would be, did I not? I will not go anywhere." She smiled. "So you must tell me if you feel anything out of the ordinary in the future. I will support you however I can." His heart swelled. “I will,” he promised, and he leaned forward to brush his lips upon hers briefly. When he pulled back, he found that he was still smiling. “I…” But there, the cat held his tongue; he knew what he wanted to say but he found a fear there he hadn’t felt before. “Thank you.” He had always been easy to read. His hesitation spelled out the words he had been about to say. How easy it would be to speak them for him, to fit her words and actions to the expectations of the moment as she had done her whole life, and let the gesture be another pull of the strings, empty and meaningless. When had that begun to matter? "That is all right." There is nothing you should be thanking me for. "I am always here for you." |