Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye (flame_queen) wrote in elsewhere_rpg, @ 2017-11-10 16:23:00 |
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To say Ed was frustrated would have been an understatement. He felt worthless and unclean in spite of being physically clean now. And now he had no current choice except to lay there, tabletless and with nothing to do but think. He’d tried to get York to give him that tablet for a game to play, or anything to do to occupy his mind, but the man didn’t budge. When he did make an appearance, he got several unamused looks from the younger blonde. He’d tried to sleep, but was unable. He hated the fact that York was so low on painkillers they were being rationed until things got so severe he felt like passing out. He wasn’t there yet, so instead he was just quiet, lying on that bed and staring at the wall out of lack of things to do while York was occupied elsewhere. --- “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Riza’s voice came from the doorway as she rounded the corner into Ed’s private room. York had directed her there and warned her about Ed’s foul mood, before heading back to another patient who needed attention. What? He couldn’t stay with Ed all day! The blonde woman came closer with slow steps, her uniform jacket hung neatly over her arms, leaving her in the black turtleneck and the bottom half of her uniform. Why did she still wear it? Honestly, she did it for Mustang. --- Riza probably didn’t need much warning, his mood hadn’t really changed since his outburst on the network at Roy. He felt a little bad about it considering he’d been trying to have some kind of real relationship with the man, but times like this just made him feel more like a burden than anything else. That wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want Roy to think he needed to take care of him, and yet the man seemed to slip so easily right back into that position it’d made Ed worry. Granted, he hadn’t been out of that position yet, but Ed had actually started putting a little effort in, he really didn’t want all of it shut down because of this. He’d tried to tell him off, but Roy told him to rest instead. Damnit Roy. Ed’s good arm hung over the bedside as he stared at that wall and gave York as many cranky stares as he could manage when the man did make it to his side of the hospital again. If he couldn’t stay he could have at least given him the damned tablet back. “Just a staring contest between me and the wall. Pretty sure I’m losing.” He responded with a dry annoyance as he looked over at Riza, using his flesh arm to get up, automail just torn from it’s socket. --- “I might be a better companion than the wall.” She came closer to the bed and settled down in the chair nearest, where Alphonse had sat, and then York had taken up once Al had decided to take some time for himself (though, really, he was just working on the automail with the mechanic). “But no guarantees.” She set her coat in her lap carefully and folded her hands atop it. “How are you feeling? York warned me there might be a lingering odor, but I can’t smell anything. That has to be good.” Right? To think, Ed had been in something’s mouth. It didn’t sit well with her. She was worried. She was very good about not showing it. --- Ed gave a shrug of his shoulders that was probably hardly even noticed considering the condition of them. He wasn’t really in the mood to respond to many things and was irritated with York ontop of it. So her mention of the man and his state of being earned her a roll of hi eyes. “Yeah well, York can shut up. I’d like to see him come out looking good after that.” He’d been covered in blood, the stench of that probably still lingered in the room, but at least it didn’t seem to cling to the younger Alchemist anymore. “...But actually I wouldn’t.” He didn’t want anyone to experience that. It was enough to put him into a weird state of shock, he still felt like some things weren’t even real. “I’m fine.” He wasn’t but he didn’t know how to say otherwise. Emotional situations weren’t his strong suit, see really anything involving him and Roy and one would understand how badly he was at handling those. “I’m not the one who died after all.” Survivors guilt, that was a fun new sensation he could do without. He’d snapped at Al and York so far, he’d probably snap at RIza too before the day was done and he wasn’t looking forward to that. He hadn’t intended to with either of them, but he felt like a damned burden now. A drain on their little party. He was happy for all of ten seconds with York, he wanted to go back to that instead. --- Tilting her chin down, Riza regarded the younger man with calm eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with surviving. It only means that you were stronger, or smarter, or just luckier. None of those men who died are wishing that you died with them. No one left behind by them is wishing it, either. And we, your family, are very thankful that you escaped with your life.” With that said, one of her hands came out to carefully rest atop Ed’s only remaining hand and give it a little squeeze. “All of us here have survived something that others didn’t.” Riza and Roy with Ishval. York, North and Tex with their Great War. Alphonse with the battle against Envy. “We’re all survivors. And if you need anything, I’m sure that anyone would be willing to help, even if it’s just to listen.” If he needed to talk, that was. Her eyes drifted to the IV that was feeding into his arm, then those sharp brown came back to him. “York tells me you won’t eat.” --- “It’s stupid I know.” Logically he understood surviving was good, but nobody survived when that thing decided to eat them. He wasn’t really ready to talk about it, he didn’t even want to remember it but he couldn’t not. Cautious golden eyes shifted toward her, but he nodded. He didn't’ know what to say yet. Even if he wanted to try, the memory of it froze in his mind freezing words along with it. He hadn’t intended to snap at Roy, Roy probably just accepted it but Ed hadn’t wanted to. He’d been snapping at everyone without intending to. It was like his brain was stuck and he was still in some ridiculous state of shock he couldn’t get out of. The hospital didn’t help. He looked over at the tube that was feeding him and shrugged again. “I tried. It makes me feel sicker.” When the thing was crunching on limbs Ed had been awake. “I can’t.” --- “Alphonse tells me he’s making you new automail.. I had no idea he was good with it. I suppose it’s not something that runs in the family.” It was a light tease, as she remembered Ed had trouble remembering to take care of the metal in place of his limbs. Her hand withdrew from his and settled back into her lap. Riza was a reserved, restrained type of woman, she always had been. Every now and then she reached out to do something unexpected and warm.. But it wasn’t all that often. She’d have made a better father than a mother. She often kept people at arm’s length. It was better that way. Roy was the one everyone scrambled for, not his taciturn assistant. “Did York say how long he wanted you to stay here?” Before he could escape, that was. --- Ed gave her a flat stare that probably matched the General’s own for too much for his own good to her comment about his automail. “It’s tedious. Winry always did that stuff for me” Ed responded as if that was a decent excuse considering how little he actually saw the girl. He shook his head at her a bit before lowering his chin down to rest on his fleshy arm. He couldn’t do much else. “You saw Al?....” A quiet question, Ed was still sure Al was upset with him. Ed had been angry and in shock but it seemed like he was starting to come out of the shock at least. Actually, Ed was glad that Riza was there instead of Roy, he didn’t have the energy to argue with the man or feel like more of an idiot than he already did. “No, but I can’t leave until I can move on my own at least I’m sure of that.” Ed responded with a bit of a frown as he looked over at his connection ports “I’m really not looking forward to doing this without anesthetic..” He admitted with a slight cringe. “York might have some, but I’m not sure it will be enough to make much of a difference.” --- Had she seen Al? A little smile appeared on her lips. “Yes, I did. He showed me the drawings for your automail. He was very excited. He said he thought you were going to like it. He’s very eager to make you proud of him.” Her head tilted just some as Ed remarked on doing the procedure without anesthetic. “If anyone can get through something like that, it’s you. You’re stronger than you think, Edward. You’ve grown up a lot.” Her fingers curled tighter in her lap, keeping her from reaching out for him, though she wanted to. “You’re going to be alright and the rest of us are going to do whatever we can to help.” Though, there wasn’t much she could do. Still, she’d do what she could. --- The blonde raised an eyebrow at that statement. “I’m surprised he’s not still mad at me.” Apparently Al didn’t hold a grudge as long as the older Elric could or did sometimes, Ed forgot these things. Al never had been one to be angry that long. “..I snapped at him yesterday. I don’t even really remember what about.” The whole thing had been a bit blurry, obviously he hadn’t really meant to do it. If it had been York first in his room, York likely would have been snapped at too. That earned Riza a faint smile as he looked over at her, Roy really was lucky to have her. She was kind and warm, Ed could feel it even if she didn’t touch him. Why was she so reserved around him though? “If there’s something you want to do, you should just do it. It just...seems like there is.” He shrugged a bit as he laid there watching people pass by the door. “...You told me to do that with York, and I did. It worked out I think.” He didn’t really want to tell the world yet, but he was pretty sure he could confide in Riza. --- If there’s something you want to do, you should just do it. It was the best advice anyone had ever given Riza Hawkeye. Her fingers uncurled slightly, but then Ed was speaking up about York and the sniper’s eyebrows went up slightly. “Did it?” Another little smile curled her lips. “I’m glad to hear that. York seems to be a very capable, kind individual.” A brief pause. “And he’s pretty easy on the eyes, also.” Especially without that beard. Facial hair wasn’t Riza’s thing, though she didn’t mind when he was scruffy (okay, so she’d admit it was really hot when he was scruffy). “But he should still know that if he hurts you, I’ll put a bullet between his eyes from five hundred yards.” It wasn’t a threat. It was a promise. --- Ed didn’t practice being reserved, he figured apologizing later was easier than asking permission. Especially when it came to this kind of thing, with York or with anyone else. When he got stuck in his own head too much is when things got overly complicated for him. He got confused and hurt in the process of it all, whether the other person was at fault or not. “Talks too much sometimes.” But that just meant Ed would have to figure out an effective way to shut him up when it happened. He’d found a couple. Kissing him seemed to work so far, there were a few other things he’d try when he was less annoyed with him. “No more barbarian looks for him. He’ll find that out fairly quickly.” Ed liked the scruffy look though, that much was okay. Barbarian beards? Not so much. Giving Riza a faint smile at the threat he nodded. Well aware that wasn’t something she was joking about, and it earned her a few points in his eyes. “I haven’t really told anyone...I think Al knows, but..” He was afraid to, telling people made it more of a risk that Ed would lose York, and he wasn’t ready to. --- “Oh, there are ways to quiet down a man who talks too much.” The blonde woman assured him with all seriousness. “You’ll figure it out.” She had no doubt about that. “And I’m glad to hear you’ll make sure that beard stays gone, he looked forty.” Not quite that old, but still, it had certainly aged him up ten years. And he’d looked like he belonged in the woods with the other lumberjacks. “You’ll tell people when you’re ready and not a moment before then. Sometimes it’s nice to have it to yourself for a little bit.” Again, her fingers curled some in her lap and the woman looked towards the window. “You’ll know the right time.” Brown eyes came back to Ed. “Until then, don’t feel bad about keeping it a secret, it’s not anyone’s business but yours and his.” --- He was afraid to tell people things when he was happy, it usually resulted in that happiness being short lived when other people got involved. Riza was so serious when she told him there were ways to keep York quiet when he wanted to, that it got him thinking things he probably shouldn’t with someone else in the room with him and nowhere to go. Right now, York didn’t get any of that though, he was still annoyed with him for taking the tablet away. Right now all he’d be getting was heated looks from the younger alchemist. “I’m not interested in kissing a raccoon, so if he knows what’s good for him he won’t let it get that way again.” Ed stated boldly for a moment before realizing he’d said that out loud and a certain crimson color touched his cheeks again. He hid his face against his arm as if nothing had happened, then looked up at her with a nod. “I don’t want to lose him yet.” He was afraid to talk about it, knowing that not everyone was going to agree with their relationship. While he had started not to care he didn’t want it to be hard on York by any sense of the matter. “...And I kind of like having something thats mine.” Not having to share the thing he’d been pining after since he was a kid, it was kind of nice. “...Thank you.” He sort of wondered if he had to share it at all, if he couldn’t have just kept it to himself, he supposed he’d leave that to York to decide, Ed was pretty naturally quiet when it came to things that mattered to him. York meant the world to him. --- Ed was naturally quiet when it came to things that mattered to him, and York was much more like Maes Hughes, willing to talk to anyone (or anything) that would listen, and tell them all about the things that were important to him. It really was too bad that York would never be a father. He’d have been amazing. “You deserve something that’s yours.” Finally, the sniper released the hold of her own hands and reached out to touch carefully at Ed’s cheek and tilt his face up some. Then, she was leaning in and pressing a kiss against his forehead. She retreated a moment later, her hand dropping away as she stood. “I should probably get going.” The blonde woman never lingered long. Sometimes she visited and never even came into the room, if Ed was sleeping. That was just Riza. The exact opposite of Roy Mustang in every way. --- Riza was so much warmer than Roy would ever be, he wondered if that man even knew it. He accepted her touch with very little complaint unlike how it might have been before when he was younger. He hadn’t liked anyone touching him at all then, but he was much more receptive and accepting now. Even seemed to want it. As a kid he’d cut himself off from it, didn’t want it or allow it-but apparently now he was making up for lost time. He still didn’t know how to initiate it well, but he made an attempt in any case. That brought a bit of moisture to his eyes that he closed before any of it could really escape. He deserved it those were words nobody had ever told him, not even himself. He’d always told himself the opposite, and even now he struggled to accept it, but hearing it out loud from someone he cared about went a long way. Maybe he’d even manage to get a little rest then, or at least he’d try as Riza pulled away. There was a warmth to him that just hadn’t existed when he was younger, like maybe he was finally starting to hate himself a little less. |