InsaneJournal

Samuel had been looking forward to today's game- no, bout- for weeks. The slow and careful rekindling of his friendship with Tallulah was… going well, he thought, but he knew that there was no rushing that sort of thing. They'd both been hurt, and though they were both learning to be better about not accepting or avoiding blame, those things still took time to heal. In the end, neither one of them was at fault. They'd both made mistakes, yes, and they'd both reacted poorly. But if they stayed mired in those things, they'd never grow past them.

At Tally's advice, he'd been watching YouTube videos over the past two weeks or so, going over the basics of derby. It was a completely foreign sport to him, but she'd explained what she could, and the videos had covered the gaps. It was fast-paced and violent, and there was definitely a part of Samuel that felt almost… nervous to watch it all, but he also wanted to support Tally in doing something that she loved so well.

Walking into the gymnasium at Athena, Samuel was surprised- though he didn't know why- to see that it felt like… well, like any other sporting event he'd ever been to. There were already some people sitting on the bleachers, concessions were being sold, and a track was marked out in tape on the court floor. In a corner, a DJ booth played high-energy music to the waiting crowd.

Samuel made his way over to the merchandise table. He picked out a purple tee shirt, handed over the money, and glanced around. Maybe if he found the restroom, he could change into the shirt before the bout started.

--

Tallulah always arrived extra early for home bouts whenever possible. It gave her extra time to warm up a little, finish putting the final touches on her look without the risk of messing it up in-transit, and see what the crowd was looking like. Today’s was already turning out pretty well so far for it being the first bout of the season. She was a little nervous...especially since they would be without Lorelei and Mo for this bout and that...that was partially her fault. Well, it was Mo’s fault, mostly, but...she’d been a big part of it.

Shaking off that particular thought, she tried to focus on the fact that Samuel had promised he would be here today. She...hadn’t said anything to anyone about that. Not Lorelei. Definitely not Mo or Halie. They were easing back into their friendship, and it was going better than she could have hoped. The only thing that was really holding her back from pursuing more than that was a persistent fear of what other people might do to make it harder on the both of them. She just...didn’t know if she was strong enough yet to handle outward criticism if they were more nay-sayers than supporters. That was her problem, and she knew it. She didn’t want to care about what anyone else said. The events just before the holidays had rocked her in ways that she hadn’t previously thought possible.

Nothing about her looked insecure today. Derby breathed a different sort of life into Tally. She was...confident and daring. She was the opposite of Princess Marguerite, in her refined dresses and sword-play. Derby Tally was...fishnets and socks that said “I’m a delicate fucking flower” and holographic booty shorts that barely covered her ass. She was glitter skates and wild pig tails and a tank top that had been cut in the front to show off her very pushed-up cleavage and the neon bra straps that hugged her shoulders. She was face paint that looked like a bloody, glitter dusted hand had been pressed across her eye, the drippings down her cheek and lip, eyes painted so dark she might have been looking into your soul. She was Tally Whack’her.

When Tallulah saw him, it was through her own legs, upside down as she stretched. He was hard to miss...tall as he was. The team hadn’t yet been called to proper order, and several were milling about stretching and talking with teammates or friends who had come to watch, so she didn’t feel bad about straightening herself up and giving a few easy glides of her skates to bring her closer to Samuel. He had never seen her like this and she hadn’t exactly warned him, but...she wasn’t going to apologize and try to hide herself or make her normal look more demure.

“Hey, Samuel!” she called from still a few feet away, those wheels bringing her ever closer, “You made it!” She stopped on a dime just there in front of him, a broad smile on her lips.

--

He hadn't been looking for her, since Samuel hadn't even been certain he'd see Tallulah at all, before the bout started. And, though he'd watched videos online, and had some... vague idea what to expect insofar as derby uniforms... the sight of Tallulah still nearly knocked the air from his lungs entirely.

His heart racing somewhat unexpectedly, Samuel pushed several untoward and un-Samuel-like thoughts out of his mind, though a low and ardent "Woah," still made it past his lips. "Hi. I- hi. Wow. Yes, I... did."

--

He seemed surprised by her appearance and she couldn’t suppose she blamed him. He’d met her transformed as a French Princess, and this was...very much not that. She did not flush or try to cover herself, but rather smiled and gave a little spin there on her wheels, “Different, huh? This is pretty standard for a bout, as far as I’m concerned. Not all the girls do as much, but we’re not a cookie-cutter bunch.”

She smiled seeing the purple cloth clutched in his hands, “Oh, hey, you got a t-shirt!”

--

It was different, but not in a bad way. Granted, even with his stammering, Tally didn't seem the slightest bit bothered by his reaction. She was... actually the most confident and self-assured that Samuel had ever seen her to be.

"Yeah, but you look amazing, Tally," Samuel insisted, quickly. "I mean, like a regular badass." Yeah, he'd said it. A little smile, then, "Of course I did. I have to support my new favorite team sport, don't I?"

--

There was something freeing about being in those clothes, and wearing those skates. Tallulah’s hobbies usually included pretending to be someone a little bit other than herself...the princess at the faire, and number of characters on a community theater stage. Her derby persona was quite possibly the closest she ever got to her true self while still putting on some kind of front. It was just...the most unreserved version of her.

“Thank you. I take that as a high compliment,” she nodded with a grin, though she was a little surprised that he’d said anything at all that included a curse word, “It shows true dedication that you bought the shirt and you haven’t even actually seen your first bout yet. So I’m both impressed and appreciative. I hope it’s a good one to give you a sense of what it’s about, win or lose.”

--

"Well, I've been watching the videos!" Samuel insisted, quickly, not wanting Tally to think he'd come into this entirely unawares. "And I'm just- I'm really excited to see it all, you know? In real life." He considered something, then added, "I just hope you'll forgive me if I hide behind my hands if you get knocked down too hard."

--

“I didn’t doubt that you’d watched them. It just is different seeing it in real life. You get a much better sense for it,” she assured him. She remembered the first time that she had ever seen a bout. It had changed her life. She’d ended up in the next practice.

“Me getting knocked down or squished is something pretty common in these events. If I don’t go home with at least a few bruises, it probably wasn’t a very good bout,” she laughed a little, though maybe that seemed...wrong to some people, “It’s...empowering. It’s really, really hard and it takes a lot of dedication, but I’m not afraid to fall, Samuel. That just means I have to pop back up...like a damn daisy.” She pointed to her foul-mouthed socks with a small smirk, covered in pretty floral.

--

"Squished?" Samuel repeated the word, though there was a higher inflection in his tone.

Though he didn't understand the dedication from a player's perspective, the sentiment was one that he could support nonetheless. Being unafraid to fall was… was something beyond bravery that he couldn't quite name.

Glancing down at her socks, Samuel smiled a bit. "You'll get up just as many times as you fall down, though, right?" That was… maybe an unfair question, but he asked it all the same.

--

“Yeah, I mean. When the blockers are trying to keep me from getting around, sometimes things get a little tight,” she shrugged a little, even though more than one time amidst all of that she’d found herself clothes askew.

Tallulah paused just a moment at his question, though she felt that she owed him honesty that maybe she wouldn’t afford to everyone because she didn’t trust everyone. She...she did trust Samuel, though, despite all the things she’d done to make it seem otherwise.

“The only time I didn’t immediately get back up was because I was stuck in a Dream, but I did get up, Samuel. They...didn’t let me keep playing, but I still got up,” she smiled a little and rolled just half a step closer, “I’ll be all right. We have medics on hand if anyone takes a bad fall, but I’m very good.”

--

"But I bet being small helps you get through, right? I- I don't mean small as an insult, of course. Just, if it was me, there's… a lot more of me to be able to block, right?"

He noticed, of course, when she rolled just that little bit closer. But Samuel just smiled and reached a hand up, tapping a finger twice to Tallulah's temple. "No dreams today."

--

She nodded right along, her hair bouncing a little, “You’re right. Being small is definitely an advantage in some ways. It’s easier for me to slip through sometimes, even though I have to make up for it with speed since I don’t have long legs.” That wasn’t always easy to do either, when you were swerving your way around human obstacles.

Her nose wrinkled a little as she smiled when he tapped her temple and bid her dreams to stay away, “Let’s hope they listen to you. I’ve been saying that mantra every time I step back onto the track. So far, so good.”

--

"I saw- well read," he'd really prepared for this, "that you skate twenty-seven laps in five minutes!" Granted, the track was much smaller than, say, a traditional quarter-mile running track. But still. "Fast seems to be an understatement, Tally."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed, too. Just in case. But- I believe you. That you're good, I mean."

--

She grinned and shrugged idly, though she was maybe about to be a little less than humble, “That’s the minimum requirement to join, yeah. I’ve done laps in under 9 seconds, and...without anyone in my way...I’ve made the five minutes with thirty-four laps. These skates aren’t just sparkly.”

There was an ease settling into her chest just knowing that he was there and that he was...going to be there to watch, no matter what the outcome ended up being, “Here’s to hoping I don’t suck today now that I’ve talked myself up.” That smile didn’t fade, though, and she took a deep breath, “Really, Samuel...thank you for coming. I know you said you’d be here, but...it still means a lot to me that you are.”

--

For a moment, Samuel just… gaped again. Boastful or not, it was impressive. "No, they're… definitely not," he agreed, finally. "Though I wouldn't be surprised if they were holding little wings, either."

Though a faint flush came to his cheeks, Samuel shook his head. "You don't have to thank me, Tally. I'm glad- excited- to be here. I want to be. For you."

--

"I mean, I can't give away all my secrets," Tally said with a sly sort of smile, though there weren't really any wings tucked away into her skates. Sometimes she wondered if Iko lurking in her dreams had anything to do with it because as much as she wanted to be human, she defied human standards. Ultimately, she decided that it didn't matter because it was all Tally in the end. It was her skill and training and willingness to push her own limits.

She could not pretend that the faint flush of his cheeks wasn't drawing her in. He wanted to be here, even though he had no obligation to be. That still amazed her. After everything that had happened, they had somehow found their way back to this moment. And the keychain he had given her right before Valentine's Day was sitting with her stuff in the locker rooms declaring that every day was a second chance, "I know we…we've been easing back into everything, but I wouldn't be upset if you kissed me, Samuel. Not as a friend. Not for luck either, because I know better than anyone that these bouts can go either way, but…maybe just for a good bout. If you want to."

--

He enjoyed that little smile, and Samuel was glad, too, that Tally hadn't taken offense to his comment. He knew, of course, that whatever she did out on that track was the result of hard work and perseverance, not some sort of… magical or supernatural shortcut.

The words that came next, however, took Samuel completely by surprise. When he and Tallulah had talked, after the holidays, airing their grievances and explaining feelings and motivations and offering apologies on all sides, he… hadn't wanted to let himself hope that they might get back to a point that was past friendship. Friendship was- and would remain to be- enough. Not that one kiss was really a sign of anything more, necessarily, either. He deliberately pushed that thought away, knowing he couldn't let himself get carried away with… hopes or maybes or what-ifs.

"I want to," Samuel offered, finally. The words a reassurance, perhaps, that he… wasn't just doing this because she'd asked it of him.

And when he leaned down, he didn't have to go quite as far as he'd once done, since those skates gave her several extra inches. That fact alone brought a little smile to his lips, just before they met her own, the kiss gentle yet still full of hope.

--

Her heart was racing a little with her words - her offer or request, whatever it was - hanging there in the air between them. She didn't want to push things too far, too fast. But Tallulah was really tired of being so afraid of what anyone else might say. She promised herself that she'd be honest. She promised that she wouldn't let herself be so afraid of being vulnerable. She would talk to Samuel if she ever felt unsteady because he was steady. She would continue going to therapy to work through her problems and her grief. She would not deny herself the love that she wanted. She would not deny him the love that she felt and he deserved.

I want to.

There was a small smile on his lips just before he kissed her, and she felt a similar one curve upon her mouth in the moments before their lips touched. It was a gentle, sweet kiss and she didn't press for anything more, even though she did move just a little closer, her hand steadying at his shoulder lest she accidentally roll away. It was lingering and innocent and not their first kiss by far, but maybe it should have been. Maybe it was just starting anew. Her foot had tipped to that stopper so that she wouldn't move, and even when she pulled away after a long moment, that smile returned to her lips, "Don't go anywhere when the bout is over? We can…go get something to eat?"

--

He hadn't been sure what he'd feel, when he kissed her. It had been months since they'd done that, and they'd been through so much in that time, good and bad. But it wasn't as if either one of them were jumping back into anything blindly. Yes, Tallulah was still his first love, and his first heartbreak. But she was so, so much more than that, too.

She'd reached up to touch his shoulder, and Samuel didn't step away even as their kiss faded. He nodded to her question. "Of course. Milkshakes and burgers?"

--

Tally didn't really want to leave this conversation, but they'd call for the team to gather soon. Her smile brightened even as she slowly, almost reluctantly pulled her fingers back from his shoulder, "That sounds perfect. I'll see you after."

Tally made a few easy maneuvers with her skates, gliding herself backwards until she did a little jump and a turn, taking off back across the track and towards where the team was gathered, awaiting the beginning of the bout.