dr. rupert fitzgerald carlisle shield ⛰ [kili] (nadad) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2018-05-30 18:16:00 |
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Entry tags: | !narrative, r * laura, r: rupert shield |
WHO: Rupert Shield
WHEN: a few days ago
WHERE: Dunhaven Hospital
SUMMARY: Rupert considers the similarities between his goodbye with Nina was to Kili's with Tauriel, and feels unfortunately hopeful.
WARNINGS: Nah, only the end is a little sad considering their fates. :)))))
The dream he’d had a few nights before was strikingly familiar, so much so that he couldn’t get it out of his head. There was one day in his memory that stood out as a parallel, with the same ache in his heart, the same sense of loss. The day he and Nina had parted ways in Kenya left a lasting impression on him, evidenced by his complete inability to let her go. Their current relationship (and the lack of any others in his life in between their meeting and their reunion) proved to him that his heart knew, then, what his mind was too afraid to admit. What had gone through Rupert’s mind that day was much like what had gone through Kili’s mind (his mind?) on the shores of the lake. In both his waking hours and his dream space, he knew that what he was leaving behind was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. He knew that the sort of connection he’d found was once-in-a-lifetime. Rupert didn’t have the same conflict that his dream-self did, however. His family was well-off, but he didn’t have the same limitations that Kili did. He could marry whomever he wished, if he so wished. By contrast, if Kili wished to marry (which, up until he met Tauriel, he hadn’t wanted to), it was expected -- no, required -- that it be to another dwarf. To be with Tauriel would have meant forsaking his family, his culture, his community. Deep inside, Rupert knew that without needing to be told. He could feel the heartbreak and disappointment in the dwarf. He could feel the sense of loss and desperation. And he could feel the determination, too. If he closed his eyes, he could replay it all like it had just happened: Behind him, his brother called his name and beckoned for him to follow. The other dwarves were pushing off, and they needed to join their companions in Erebor. Time was of the essence now; he shouldn’t linger on the rocky shore. But he did. He chased after her even though she was telling him to go. He pleaded with her, asking her to come with him. Kili was more certain about this than anything else in his short life: he knew, without a doubt, that he loved her. He knew their lives were meant to be entwined. A dwarf was supposed to guard their language fiercely, but there, Kili lost all sense of who else was around and he spoke openly. Amrâlimê, he said. My love. She pretended not to understand, but he could see it on her face, the shock of recognition followed by the reconstruction of the walls around her heart. He smiled at her, full of reckless confidence. She knew, and he knew she felt the same. And then she stiffened, just as she was about to step towards him. The moment he longed for, when she would confess to carrying the same feelings for him as he did for her, disappeared like a puff of smoke. She was like him in this way: duty-bound. Kili knew she wouldn’t speak of it in front of her prince. He waited, though. He watched her and waited to see if she’d prove him wrong. When he was clear she wouldn’t, he cast his eyes away and turned back to his brethren. Just for a moment. She seemed to anticipate his actions before he even got to her, holding out her hand for him as he slipped the runestone into her palm. He closed her hand around it and pressed it between his larger ones. She wouldn’t come with him now, but he would come back to her. And perhaps, he hoped, when it was all over, they could try again. Perhaps then she wouldn’t be so scared. The cold water splashed against the boat as he and the others paddled away from the shore. He looked back once to see her still standing there, statuesque. She didn’t come after him. Rupert frowned and rubbed at his temples as he leaned forward against a table in the hospital cafeteria. He could feel Kili’s disappointment like it was his own, even though he knew it wasn’t. His and Nina’s story had split out of choice and a sense of responsibility, that was true. It hadn’t been for lack of love. They’d found each other again. Was it possible Kili and Tauriel would as well? He almost didn’t dare to have hope, but … then he thought about the commonalities, how they were from different worlds, how they’d met by chance by being in the right place at the right time, how circumstances had kept them apart. Maybe, he thought with a smile, the same was true for Kili and Tauriel. |