The Shoebox Project/Marauders (fanfic for fanfic, fuck yeah)
"But why not, Sirius, whyyyyyy not!" James was attempting to make puppy eyes, which was totally not on, Sirius thought. If anyone had the puppy eyes market cornered, it was himself.
"I'm not having you watch me and Moony have sex and that's final. Watch someone else. Watch Snape and Longbottom."
"Ewww, Snape cock. Cock of Snape. Aaaagh."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Cock snob. Watch Shacklebolt and Weasley, then."
"Kingsley would break me and I am very breakable. Please, Padfoot? I am horrible at sex. Did I mention the jellyfish thing? I need tips!"