I haven't even been here twenty-four hours and someone's sent me an iPad. Am I being assimilated into some sort of cult? Who are you people and what is your obsession with airing public drama? (And here I thought I left that behind in college - wishful thinking, that.)
Someone's at least got to point me in the direction of a decent cup of tea. The "cafe" in the lobby of this shithole looks fairly frightening.