Re: Luke H/Wren M
[She has to fix enough typos as the letters appear to make it pretty obvious she's been drinking.]
I thought you would be fine. I thought people broke up all the time. I thought it couldn't be that bad, or no one would do it. I thought you'd find someone else in a few weeks. I thought I was the only one that would be miserable. When it was really terrible out there, I would cling to that. That I'd done the right thing. That it might be bad for me, but that you were okay. Nice dinners and girlfriend who'd actually finished high school and soft beds. That's what I thought. I thought it was better for you than the mess I was in. [...] I expected to run into you someday with some gorgeous educated woman on your arm, someone I would hate so much I wouldn't be able to stand it.
Roger thinks I'm not good for you. He thinks we both need to move on. Five years, and I haven't managed it. He looks at you, and he wonders what happened to the kid he knew, and I can't tell him that you were already broken when I left. We both were. I made a stupid decision, and I hate myself for it every day. You can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself. And hurting me? I've lost everything that mattered in my life, and I did it to myself.