barnaby 'baz' snell (broadcaster) wrote in disorderic, @ 2018-01-23 12:35:00 |
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Entry tags: | barnaby snell |
[ Instead of Baz’s usual Estuary accent, his voice has been charmed into a very BBC-friendly RP baritone. ] Good afternoon, listeners, and welcome to the first episode of Lumos Maxima. Lumos Maxima is sponsored by McHavelock’s Wizarding Headgear — kidding, kidding, though they do have lovely newsboy caps if you’re into that sort of thing. We’re not sponsored by anyone because we’re rebels and any business bold enough to partner with us would be razed to the ground. That’s the sort of world we live in now. [ He immediately becomes somber. ] The Quibbler is defunct. There is a dearth of reliable news sources out there. We’re here to provide you with information you won’t find in the Prophet or the WWN. The Prophet is run by the wife of a known Death Eater, and the bigwigs at the WWN would rather go along with the current regime out of concern for their own safety. But we can’t allow them to suppress the truth. All is not well in the United Kingdom — people are dying. A week ago, in a village outside Bath, an incident involving the Death Eaters left nine dead. Seventeen others were injured, and a grand total of twenty-three homes were destroyed. The obliviators have done nice work — the muggle authorities are calling it a gas explosion. But this is just yet another example of the Death Eaters killing our muggle friends and neighbors without a second thought. The Prophet refuses to report on these incidents, as if the crimes of Death Eaters aren’t “wizarding news,” but we need to be reminded of the catastrophic losses on the muggle side of this war, too. If you live in an area populated with muggles, protective wards and spells can go a long way. We here at Lumos Maxima would like to take a moment to remember those nine muggles. [ There’s a pause. Barnaby then goes on to mention a few other incidents in muggle areas, primarily centered on werewolf attacks around the full moon. ] We would also like to remember Morgan Robards, a hero of the First War who was recently slandered in the Daily Prophet. Murdering him wasn’t enough for the Death Eaters — they must now brand him a “neighborhood tyrant” as well. Remember: the Daily Prophet is not real news. It’s nothing more than a massive propaganda campaign to win the loyalty and cooperation of wizarding Britain. Do not trust the Prophet. Do not trust the WWN. Lumos Maxima will be back next week. Stay vigilant and subscribe. [ Links to this podcast will be hooted throughout the day. Links were sent to @OOTP, @roguemomstaffer, and @theseeingeye. ] |