Remus Lupin (nihowlist) wrote in disorderic, @ 2017-09-04 12:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | nymphadora lupin, remus lupin |
WHO: The Lupins (Remus, Tonks and TEDDY!)
WHEN: 4 September; evening
WHERE: Along the outskirts of the village where their safehouse is located.
SUMMARY: Tonks makes Remus aware that they have a surprise coming.
WARNINGS: Baby anxiety.
The air had a cool, almost autumnal feel as Tonks walked with Remus at sunset. It should have been refreshing, relaxing, even, but in spite of her best efforts, Tonks was fairly certain she was failing epicly at not raising alarm. Things had gotten off to an uneasy start with the tell-tale, “We should talk. Everything’s fine, but we should go somewhere and talk.” She didn’t want to sound so vaguely ominous, but it was kind of hard to say what it was that she wanted to talk about without just saying it--which would have been in no way appropriate to do over the journals or with an audience. Then, there was also the fact that Tonks had been unusually quiet and introspective until they had nearly reached the very outskirts of the village. It was kind of hard to make small talk and even harder to make actual conversation knowing that she was the sole person who knew their lives were about to change, and that she needed to inform Remus of this reality. Tonks didn’t want this to feel so heavy, but it was a dreadful time to have a child. They hadn’t even breached the topic of children, and now suddenly it was just happening anyway. Maybe it would feel a little lighter, though, once she just got it over with and told him. Then, they could work through their feelings together and begin to plan. Determined now, Tonks suddenly stopped walking and inhaled, “Right, so, I--” she began, turning to face Remus; naturally, in the process of that pivot, her ankle somehow managed to entangle itself in a stray cluster of vines that had clearly sprouted from the earth only to sabotage her. Her eyes widened and she stumbled into him, forced to grab his elbows to keep from falling over. Tonks shook the wildlife off her boot, “That’s exactly how I wanted that to go,” she told him. We should talk. Remus Lupin was rather adept at schooling his face into passivity and letting the emotions roil beneath the surface. As he walked quietly with Tonks, arms crossed with the faint, autumnal chill in the air, he pondered what they would discuss. It seemed likely that, at this juncture, she would at last realize that this marriage experiment (while sweet) would be of no great use to her. Perhaps she had found someone else. Anyone … So he let her have her quiet, as he was ensconced in his own, as well. When, however, she stopped and stumbled he smoothly caught and held her until she had herself fully righted. It had become something akin to muscle memory, this dance. A smile. “How’d you want it to go?” “Um, with a little more poise, confidence, and grace, but I guess that wouldn't really be authentic,” she said. Tonks shifted her hands down from his elbows and looped her fingers through his. “Also without a war and numerous violent criminals to whom I'm related on the loose,” she added after a beat of consideration. Tonks took a breath and held his eyes firmly, her expression caught in an odd place between joy and deep, abiding anxiety. “I'm pregnant.” Remus’ gaze, by comparison, went completely round as his mind began to cry out -- not really to cry out, but to scream -- in a rather unintelligible rush of fear, horror, adulation, joy. But it zeroed back in as he focused, his mind now trained on this young woman (his wife) and their new reality. So he wrapped her tightly in his arms. He hadn’t ever allowed himself to think about fatherhood, as desperately as he had wanted family. Not with his illness. But for now this wasn’t about him. It was about her. And it was about their baby. And finally, when he dared speak, it was to simply say: “I love you and support you.” Tonks hugged him back tightly, pressing her cheek into his collarbone. It was incredible how much more real it seemed now that Remus knew, too, and it was no longer just some abstraction existing inside herself alone. Tonks felt a mix of nerves and excitement rise in her until the swirl of emotions needed physical relief and her eyes moistened. “Oh, no,” Tonks said with a little laugh as she felt the tears slide down her cheeks; the chuckle soon developed into a snort due to the accumulating mucus, which made her laugh some more at herself. She hastily wiped away the tears and pulled back, beaming up at Remus. “I love you, too.” “Beyond that, I know nothing. Only that I love you.” This was uncharted territory. Not only for their relationship - the small, flexible family they’d become - but for the child. He had no idea what lycanthropy would do to the baby and it promptly began to terrify him. He was smart enough, at least, to internalize the fear. It could be interrogated in full later. (After the full.) His thumb skated across her cheek. “It’s going to be okay, Tonks. ” He paused. “We’ll make it okay.” “At least we’re on the same page,” she reasoned, then inhaled deeply, “Maybe it’s natural to feel a little terrified,” she reasoned. It was daunting to imagine another life so dependent on theirs, for whom it was entirely their responsibility to care for. Her mother must have been scared, too; worse yet, she had to go through it alone, and war had come not long after Tonks had been born as well. “I never really thought about how hard it must have been for my mum until now,” she admitted. “Sort of selfish, honestly, but everything turned out alright in the end, and that’s all I can really remember, so I guess I never dwelled too much on what it was like at the beginning, and for her,” Tonks explained. The thought gave her strength in a bittersweet sort of way, she was her mother’s daughter, and she could do this too--she wasn’t alone, either. Tonks sighed, “We’ll have to tell them soon, but...I think it’s okay to wait a while, process it first for ourselves.” She didn’t doubt for a moment that her parents would be supportive; theirs was a family in which support was more or less a given, even if they didn’t entirely agree with what the others were doing. He couldn’t remember much about Andromeda making it on her own with little Nymphadora, only that outside of having the Black family resources, he felt sympathy because she must have found it very difficult indeed to support multiple selves on a very limited income. In that day, he was doing it on little and less, with his world and scope very narrow, indeed. He felt guilty; wished, even in that time, he’d paid attention to people who succeeded with the odds stacked against them. Tonks had that same strength he’d seen in Andromeda and even in Sirius who, a thousand times, seemed to look adversity in the face and dare it on where he’d been more or less dumbstruck by the sheer amount of outcomes. Even now, smiling, he shook his head slowly. “The questions they have will be the questions we have, darling. Why wait? You’ll do better puzzling through it with them as me.” He needed to read. To assure himself that he’d not assigned them all to greater heartache. “And the moon’s almost full. It’s a good a time as any.” Tonks bit her lip in consideration, she wasn’t exactly nervous, perhaps it was just that telling her parents added another layer of reality. And yet, that had actually brought her relief in this instance, it could very well bring her more in time even if she’d undoubtedly have to navigate through their shock over the very bad timing of it all. “Well, I guess there isn’t really a whole lot more to figure out before we tell them, it’s sort of just happening,” she reasoned. Sort of just happening, as in there was sort of just a human life growing inside of her, and then they’d just have to wait and see what came next. And he was right, it was almost the full and she wanted him to be well; it’d take a while after that for Remus to likely be up for it. “Do you want to tell them tomorrow?” she asked. “It’s Mum’s birthday, so it would be hard to hide it, anyway.” Mainly because there was going to be a lot of wine-consumption in which Tonks could no longer partake. The moon’s almost full. That had been his excuse not to be present for Andromeda and Ted, but it seemed like even now Tonks had her way of keeping him from avoiding the necessity of sticking his head in the jaws of the lion. And they’d done this together. “Sure, Tonks.” A pause. His voice was soft -- “I didn’t think I ever could …” he took a shallow breath. “Tonks. Perhaps we should ask them what they think about lycanthropy being passed on. Genetically.” Tonks swallowed, her throat constricted again; this had been at the back of her mind, she just hadn’t allowed it to surface yet, but they did, of course, need to face that possibility. She nodded, “Mum will probably have a better idea about that,” she said. “Maybe…” Tonks began, but trailed off; it seemed unlikely her mother would have known anyone in a similar circumstance, even through her studies. Wizarding society, after all, put very little funding or research into werewolf issues. “I thought maybe there might be some kind of medical precedent, but I’m not sure--she’ll understand better how it’s passed on, though.” Tonks sighed and held him again; she knew how much this must terrify him, and truly, it terrified her, too. “But...I don’t think parents ever really have any guarantee that their children will be born healthy,” she admitted--it was a dark, scary thought, but there wasn’t any sense keeping it in. “I have a few books and some friends - but they’re in spell damage - why would anyone …” he trailed off, fingertips wrapped in the material of her jacket at the small of her back. “Werewolves generally can’t. At least that’s the knowledge passed down through the packs. You get bitten, you’re done.” This was an outcome he’d not been prepared for. “Ours has a fifty/fifty shot of …” Remus closed his eyes, willing away the thought. When he opened them again, he offered her a firm nod. “We’ll be informed. We’ll go into this with our eyes open, Tonks. We won’t shy away from anything. I know better than to --” hide. Run. seek shelter. “ -- we’ll just know. And it starts with us right now.” Tonks touched her hand to his cheek, “Although, if it’s that difficult to conceive, they’ve already beaten the odds, then. This kid must be pretty resilient,” she reasoned. “We’ll get as much information as we can to be as ready as we can,” she agreed. “But it’s just...another way to look at it.” He covered her hand with his own, pulling it from his cheek to press his lips to the back of it. Waiting for a moment to speak, he let the intentional positivity she possessed radiate through him and pierce all of those dark spaces which wanted to shout and jeer and pre-possess the fear which ought to be wracking him. But it wasn’t. Because she was right. Their baby already overcame … so much. It deserved two parents that would love, advocate, and fight for it. Tooth, nail, claw. Whatever they had in their arsenal. “You’re amazing.” Tonks smiled up at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “I think you’re pretty great too,” she said, her expression taking on a certain earnestness again. “And there are many things I would like the baby to inherit from you--your intelligence, your kindness, your clever sense of humor, just to name a few,” Tonks told him. “On the more vane side of things, your looks.” “ … and on the next episode of So I Married a Hufflepuff,” he said dryly, and allowed himself one more smile pressed against her forehead before he continued. “If it’s full on Tonks with a little bit of my balance, we’ll have the next Merlin, most likely.” Tonks grinned and laughed, “I can’t help the way I am,” she told him. “But that sounds about right, all that I’m really missing is the balance,” Tonks agreed, then just stood there for a moment, enjoying the closeness. “Should we head back?” she asked. “Unfortunately, yes. We've got a few new locations for the Order and news for your Mums.” He loosened his grip on her and offered his arm. “And supper. Can't forget that.” Tonks took his arm and began to walk back towards the main village with him, nodding in a determined sort of way. Then she smiled. “Could never forget that, it’s the best part.” |