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Aoi, Misaki ([info]pinksunbeam) wrote in [info]disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-02-01 11:12:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:keiichi, misaki

Who: Keiichi, Misaki
What: Trying to figure things out
Where: His dorm room
When: Post dungeon, post salon, pre Beach
Why: Need to say I'm sorry



Misaki ran her fingers through her hair, the streaks were in place and she seemed rather pleased by them. It was different and actually gave her a quirky smile when she thought of it. She had to wonder thought what Keiichi would think? Would he be mad that she had done this? Probably not, or at least she hoped not. Everyone was used to the soild pink that, so it was a bit nerve wracking to think he would be the second person to see this and judge based on it. Her thoughts played back to the night they got back to the dorm. Keiichi had been exhasted and not protested when she helped him into his PJs. A small blush lingered on her face by this, but at the time she had been more worried about his physical and mental state then in how good he looked without a shirt on.

Misaki clenched the heart cameo on her shirt as she walked up the stairs to Keiichi's floor. She'd been woken suddenly the next morning by him touching the top of her head, as she had sat by his bed the whole night, holding his hand when he looked like he was falling into a nightmare and sqeezing it gently but firmly with both of her own. She'd finally been able to get some sleep when he had fallen into a deep sleep himself, and the rythmic breaths had soothed her into a dreamless rest. She'd stayed there, Misaki had told him, to make sure he was okay. She wasn't sure if the look in his eyes was suprise, or something else, there was a hint of guilt there though, and she touched his cheek smiling, telling him not to worry and that it would be okay.

Then he'd chided her for not getting enough sleep, that she needed to recover to, that he would be okay and sleep in for a few days. Misaki had agreed, peeking in in the mornings to see if he was okay, thanks to the key from the guy downstairs. It had been at least a few since the dungeon, and she felt sure that he was at least up and about, or so she had heard from some of the guys that came to the cafe mentioning that Keiichi looked better and was walking around again.

Going to the door she swallowed, she had a lot to applogize for. Not being there for him when he needed her mostly, but also for not being able to see what was going on with him and his father. Of all the things she had been blind to...

Misaki sighed but threw on a cheerful smile as she knocked at the dorm room door, "Keiichi-kun? Are you in? It's Misaki."



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[info]keiito
2010-02-01 11:24 pm UTC (link)
"Oh, that." Truth be told, he'd almost forgotten about, you know, being attacked in the wake of everything else that had happened. "I'm fine. It has made me a bit more aware of the possibilities of bad things occurring outside of Paradise, though."

He winced at her question. Being mean to her was like kicking a newborn puppy for him. She deserved better than that. But...

"..it's difficult for me to say this, Mi-chan. But things with us seemed...I don't know, so much less complicated before, you know?" He took a moment to try and compose his thoughts.

"All of the things that made our relationship problematic..everything I'd been repressing aren't *bad* things about you, you know," he pointed out, after the pause. "They're things that made us get along really well as friends. They just...don't work as well when we're together, together."

It was, all told, a terrible explanation. "Everyone always used to THINK we were dating, you know. Back then. We were a lot happier, weren't we?"

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[info]pinksunbeam
2010-02-01 11:38 pm UTC (link)
Misaki nodded, "You think you're going to get a scar from it? It wasn't too deep right?"

She paused, "Not...Not bad thing...Keiikun...what...what do you mean? I mean...I...I'm going to be trying harder. I...no but...we were happy but...I mean...I just saw you as a brother. Nothing more till..." She blushed, "Till I kissed you and then...you stopped being that."

She looked at him strangely, "You...You're shadow...when he said he didn't want to see me...You...you really mean that...you...that is...I..."

No...no this is not happening. It's not, it's not! I can change I can be what you want, I can be like Kozue if that would help! Please...no please...I don't want this. I don't want to lose you too Keiichi. Please...

She was looking at him with a scared almost deer in the head lights look.

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[info]keiito
2010-02-02 02:23 pm UTC (link)
"The Shadow was absolutely wrong about a few things," Keiichi said, trying to will his voice to something resembling calm. "I want you in my life. I always have, I always will. You're one of my best friends. My sidekick in the Cooking Club."

He closed his eyes for a moment in an effort to focus the next bit.

"But our relationship has been constantly each of us trying to change for the sake of the other. We never *had* these problems when we were friends. Us being different people was a great thing then. It...just doesn't work as well when we're actually dating."

Quietly, he reached out, to place a hand on her shoulder. "I do love you, you know. It's just in the more platonic way. The way we always have, seemingly."

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[info]pinksunbeam
2010-02-02 03:28 pm UTC (link)
Misaki paused and stared at him, her head dropping. She wanted to scream, "No, that's not true. I don't love you in that way anymore. I can't love you in that way anymore. I didn't ever get the chance to really show you how I feel about you! This isn't fair! You're not being fair! I want us to be together! I want to hold your hand, I want to be the one to hear you say my name like in my dreams. I want...I want you! I love you so much...why are you doing this to me! Why?!"

But all that came out was a weak nodd and she felt tears slip down her face, "I...I didn't...want you to change. I really never did. I...you were always so amazing to me, Keiichi-san, I...I really love you."

It hurts...it hurts....why does this hurt so much? Misaki trembled as her bangs fell over her eyes. She didn't want him to see her like this. Looking like some spoiled child that couldn't take it. But it hurt, far worse then when she broke up with Maeko. It was like her heart was being ripped out and he was the one holding the knife.

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[info]keiito
2010-02-02 11:59 pm UTC (link)
It was the least he could do to reach out and hold her, pulling her head to his shoulder, to let her use it to dry the tears.

His other hand cradled the back of her head. "This is...you know things have been different, Mi-chan." Her reaction caught him off guard, even if he knew it really, really shouldn't have. She was an emotional person by nature.

That, a small part of him reminded him, was why he was *DOING* this to begin with.

"I'll always be here for you, you know," he whispered. "You're my best friend, regardless of what happens. I wouldn't give that up for anything."

Inwardly, he frowned. It SOUNDED cliche. But what were you supposed to do when you actually MEANT your terribly cliched lines?

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[info]pinksunbeam
2010-02-03 12:09 am UTC (link)
She wanted to push him away, wanted to scream at him, wanted to tell him he was a jerk for doing this to her. But the minute he held onto her, she just...lost it. Tears started to fall. She should be hating him, but she couldn't get herself to be that angry at him.

He was right, they were different, she had just wanted to make him happy.

Misaki gave weak nodd, and put her arms around him, clinging tightly and sobbing quietly. After what felt like hours, which were only moments, she manged to compose herself just enough, "I...I know...I know that...we...we could try just...just give me time okay. Please...this...it hurts Ito-senpai. A lot, and I...I need time to think so...I'm sorry...I...your shirt....I'll pay for dry cleaning or whatever."

She moved back from him and couldn't meet his eyes, "I...I have to go. I'll see you around okay...Just...right now...I can't be here."

Misaki headed for the door hand on the handle, sighing. "The notebook. It has a list of possible recepies we could use to cook for the beach. Please take care of it and give it back to me when you have the chance?"

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[info]keiito
2010-02-03 02:25 am UTC (link)
"It's a t-shirt, Mi-chan. Don't worry about it."

Keiichi frowned as he watched her go. This was pretty much the obvious and expected result of what he'd done. It was the best thing for both of them.

Didn't mean he didn't feel like shit about it, though.

"I understand. You know how to get in touch if you want to talk. Call me anytime. I mean it."

He took the notebook from her, and nodded. "I will. I'll try to find something good for us to make everyone on the trip."

He wasn't crying yet, but his eyes were moist. Keiichi was trying like Hell to hold off until after she left, but the likelihood of that was diminishing.

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[info]pinksunbeam
2010-02-03 02:54 am UTC (link)
"Right, I'm sure you'll find something really good to eat for us. And I'm sure the others will appricate it," she paused wanting to say 'Like I do you.' but the words kept getting caught up in her throat, and each time she tried to talk they felt like something fuzzy that came from after having something too cold to drink.

Her hand was on the handle, a part of her wanted him to say 'No don't go, I didn't mean it. It was a mistake, we can find a way to work this out.' but the likely hood of that happening was slim at best.

"Well...yeah...I know...um...we're," she sniffled some, feeling a fresh wave of tears coming. "We're going to have...have to talk or something...some time...when we both can. Alright..."

Misaki bit her lip some and looked at him, "Senpai...Keiichi-kun...Thank you though. For...For at least giving me a chance to know what it's like to have someone to love. Maybe next time I'll get it right and I won't hurt the person so much." She bowed to him just a bit, then opened the door and walked out into the hallway.

Half way down the stairs she broke out into a run, pounding down to the door, not wanting anyone to see her as the tears streamed out of her face. She needed to get back to her room. Back to the quiet of her bed, where she could lay down, curl up, and just sob herself to sleep. There was no chance of going anywhere today, she just...couldn't take the idea of going out feeling like this.

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