InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "walking fast faces don't pass"

Kanaye Satou (zealousemperor) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2009-10-15 20:58:00

Entry tags:

kanaye, misaki

Who: Misaki and Kanaye
Where: Kanaye's house
What: Speeches.
When: The day after she's rescued.
Why: Kanaye needs to curb the yandere tendencies.

Most of the staff looked at Misaki oddly. It's not like they weren't expecting someone like Misaki to be one of Kanaye's friends. It's just...pink hair is a bit much.

One of the older maids comes up to Misaki. "I take it you are one of Satou-kun's friends? You'll be here to visit him, then. I...must warn you, he hasn't come out of his room since yesterday night. He opens the door to take his meals and that's about it. And..." she trails off, looking nervous. "I apologize. I'll take you to him." she finished eventually as she turned and led Misaki through the hallways.

They were as extravagant as the exterior would suggest, with marble sculptures, paintings that seem authentic, and wood floors. At last, they reached Kanaye's room. She could tell because of the nameplate above the door. The maid bowed quickly and scampered away a bit too quickly.

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pinksunbeam
2009-10-16 10:24 pm UTC (link)

Misaki went over and leaned over him, "Use your head Sempai. Actually it could be if you just showed her the Sempai I see all the time. Why don't you show Maeko-chan the caring person that came out side when I was freaking out and told me to knock it off. The one that's willing to laugh at danger, because if he doesn't then the others will get scared."

She sighed some, "Sempai, you have to show her you care. You have..." Misaki sat down on the bed and pulled him up gently to a sitting postition. Then took his right hand and bent in the little finger and the ring finger, then spread out the last three in an upside down W.

"That's Su," Misaki explained, then rearanged the fingers so that the pinky was up, the middle and the ring finger were touching the thumb and the index finger was up too in an almost rocker-esque pose. "Ki, that's Ki. So you have Suki."

Misaki changed his fingers again folding all the fingers down, save for the thumb and having it jut out. "That's 'a'" she switched it to pinky with the thumb holding the three other fingers down. "That's 'i' so you have 'ai'" Misaki once more changed it to make his hand look like he was holding a thumb up with index and middle finger out like her was cutting something and the other two fingers folded in. "That's 'shi' so you have 'aishi'" Misaki put his hand up right and put the hand like a stop motion. " That's 'te' and the last," She quickly folded down the pinky and the ring finger and spread out the thumb, index and middle finger so it looked like a right side up slant W. "That's 'ru'"

Looking at him she smiled, "So when you want to tell her how you feel you spell out aishiteru, which means I love you. That's what she's doing when she's moving her hands around like that. The only reason I know what that is is because before I got locked in that room, I...I"ve been kinda mimicing her gestures and I wanted to know what they were, because well I thought they were interesting, always have, so I looked it up at the library and learned you could spell things out."

Misaki looked at him, "IF you really love her that much, and you really really do Sempai. Then you should tell her it! IF you can't say it then spell it out to her so she'll have to listen to you. Flowers and dinner are nice, but she needs someone she can just talk to. I mean really talk to."

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zealousemperor
2009-10-16 10:41 pm UTC (link)

Kanaye just sighed. "I'd love to, Misaki-san, but unfortunately she doesn't seem to like that side of me..." he said, about ready to cry before Misaki's little demonstration. He spent most of it simply watching silently, letting her hands do what she wished. He sighed at the end. "I'm going to be too drunk to remember that, so tell me when I'm sober, alright? ...Thanks, Misaki-san." he managed to finish.

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	pinksunbeam 2009-10-16 11:13 pm UTC (link)
	Misaki gently wrapped her arms around him, "It's going to be okay Sempai. I'll help you. I promise. You'll see. I'll make sure that Maeko-chan, the real Maeko-chan, sees what a really sweet and wonderful guy you are." Misaki smiled sweetly,"I will Sempai. Don't you worry okay. But tell me, why do you like Maeko-chan so much? I'm just curious." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	zealousemperor 2009-10-16 11:21 pm UTC (link)
	Kanaye some bristled at Misaki's touch, then calmed down. "...Thanks, Misaki-san." he managed to say under his breath. "I...just...thanks." He managed to smile a bit. He was drunk, sure, but he wasn't incapable of lying. "I...just find her devotion sweet. And she's very hardworking and dependable. And she's just adorable in her own way." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pinksunbeam 2009-10-17 12:11 am UTC (link)
	She let him go feeling the bristle and sat back down to listen. "She is, she's got a lot of problems too. She needs someone like you to sort of take her away from that in a way." Misaki paused a moment, "So tell me something, why haven't you told her already then? Don't tell me you're scared to?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2009-10-17 12:26 am UTC (link)

Kanaye smiled a bit. "We all have problems, Misaki-san. If you really think I can do it, thanks, but..."

He sighed, leaned back, and starting talking. "Of course I'm scared, Misaki-san. I never know what to say, all my flirting is just words to get me into the door, where I promptly freeze up. I've never actually hugged someone that wasn't related to me until just now, and you saw how I reacted then. I'm...scared, of rejection, of being alone again..." he trailed off, sighed again, and then stood up, wobbling slightly.

"Misaki, let me tell you something about love. Idealism will get you far, true, but when it all gets down to it, the chances of getting married to the first person you date in high school is pretty slim. So I'm scared. I'm scared of missing out, I'm scared of losing people, I'm scared of love. And yet, I keep trying. Is it idealism? Is it just me being a moron? I don't know, but I need to keep trying. But idealism, Misaki-san, will get you so far. You've got to prepare yourself for losing...and I don't think I am..." he trailed off, frowning.

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pinksunbeam
2009-10-17 12:53 am UTC (link)

Misaki sat back and listened quietly as he spoke. She touched his hand and looked at him, "But...you're not Tom-san. I know how you feel though sempai. I'm scared too. I can't say how I feel about things because it...at least your family hugs you right? So, don't think of us as just random people, think of us as...extenstion of your family. If you don't try to get close to people then, in the end. Well then what's the point of having friends or feeling love at all?" She looked up at him and gave his hand a squeeze, "Sempai, you're not alone. You have me, and Maeko-chan, and the others. And even if...if we wind up breaking up after all of this...you still have me okay. I'm your friend, why do you think I joined the soccer team. Amori-sensei told me I could manage any team, but I picked Soccer because you made it seem like such fun."

Misaki smiled at him, "You should try to hug people more, well not random strangers, but people like me and Maeko-chan. It might help, you know we won't reject you Sempai."

She looked down some and ran her hand over her skirt, "Idealism huh? Is it really idealistic to want to be with someone that you can feel understands you and will care about what you think in spite of the quirks you have? True, it is slim, but that doesn't mean it has to be a bad experince. People will always fall in and out of love, it's what you do when you are with that person and how hard you work at it to really create that world. Nothing is like an anime, why do you think they skip over the part between the story and the epilogue. People don't want to see the part where the couple has to work to make things go." She pulled up her knees and smiled, "But I find that the best part of the story. It's good that you keep trying Sempai, and it's okay to be scared. Everyone is scared of it. But, in the end you have to decide if your fear outweighs your feelings for the person. And, I guess, if your feelings outweigh your fear then you should go for it. Yes it's going to hurt when the person says no but..." she tried to think how to word it. "But it's better to have them say no and then know that's how they feel, then sit back and wonder all the time. You know?"

Misaki blushed some and looked away, "I...I'm sorry, I'm saying to much. You probably don't want my weak advice. Maeko-chan's better at talking about that sort of thing."

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zealousemperor
2009-10-17 01:12 am UTC (link)

Kanaye instinctively drew his hand back quickly, before looking somewhat guilty. "My family used to hug me. Then, of course, they left. And I've never seen them again. Kind of hard to trust people after that, you know?" he said, seeming rather bored. "I know that I'm a hypocrite, and I know that this is me acting the opposite from what I actually am, but...it's just hard sometimes, yaknow?"

Kanaye laughed bitterly. "I can't be hugged by someone like you without panicking, what's the chances of me hugging someone else of my own accord?"

Kanaye sat down on the bed. "I'm...scared of rejection. I'm scared of dying alone and unmourned. I'm scared of dying without doing anything. Knowing my luck, my entire existence will be summarized as 'that one blond kid that took control of the company and ran it into the ground.' It's...hard." he finished lamely before smiling at Misaki painfully. "You think I'm pathetic, don't you? You could get any guy you wanted, most likely. Or girls, whatever. You don't have to deal with me..."

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pinksunbeam
2009-10-17 01:31 am UTC (link)

"I know the feeling sempai, there are a lot of issues in my family as well. They left? But where did they go? And yes, it would be very hard. But if you don't try to, then, you're going to distrust people that can help you and care about you. And if you can't trust them, then, well, problems will come up and you'll have no one to turn to. And if you just leave them to bottle up then you'll get sick or something, and that would be rather bad, don't you think." She looked thoughtfully at him, and sighed. "True, it is hard to be yourself, but you know who you are sempai, and you know who Maeko-chan is, why not just give her a chance and trust her. It's okay to show her a different side of you, I think, she would understand it. I mean she was able to understand me, and I'm...well me."

"Because you care about them? You were able to hug us on the street remember, you just have to find the courage in you, and I know you can Sempai. I'm sure there's a part of you that wants someone to just be there to comfort you when you need them to. Most people do, it's just part of their nature, at least that's what I think." She shrugged some, "So what if you're scared at first, the more you do it, the more relaxed you can become about it, and then it'll just come naturally."

Misaki blushed some and shook her head, "I don't think you're pathetic at all sempai. I think you're very strong in a lot of ways. Not just physically but emotionally too. You're able to say this, to talk about this, it's something that other people can't do. Something that..." She sighed, "It takes a lot of guts to say things out loud. I think, if Maeko-chan could see this side of you, she'd see what a really good person you are. You're scared, so is she, but you admit to that fact, and most people won't do that."

She laughed loudly at the comment, "Get any guy or girl I wanted? Is that what you honestly think Sempai? You really don't know...I can't. I can't say how I feel about anyone becuase...well I'm scared to. More scared then you know. It's not about being rejected, I'm used to that, it's more about...I don't know how to explain it. But, the thing is, what do they want? Do they want Misaki, or do they just want the girl with the pink hair."

Misaki pulled on her hair some and muttered, "I dyed my hair so I would be different from my sisters, so I could stand out but...Even though I did that, things didn't change. So I had to adapt, change about, now...I don't know who Misaki is. And that's why I can never tell if someone genuinely likes me, or if it's the cute girl that they perceive me to be. Maeko-chan sees me as innocent, and I guess I am in a lot of ways, but that comes from me just trying to keep people happy I suppose."

She sighed and closed her eyes some, "I always figured that, if I just wasn't smart, if I changed how I looked, if I acted a certain way, if I did this just right. If I conformed or changed into what people need then they would like me. But, truth is, I don't know if they're being my friends out of pity or because they genuinely like me." Misaki looked at him, "That's why I like you, Toru-kun, Kiriko-chan and Maeko-chan so much. You didn't just like me because of the pink hair, I always thought you liked me because of me just being Misaki. Was I wrong?"

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zealousemperor
2009-10-17 02:09 am UTC (link)

Kanaye visibly clamped up. "I don't want to talk about it, ok?" he said quickly. "I realize that this isn't the time for repression, but I just don't feel comfortable about it..." he asked, visibly shifting.

"But do I really know who she is? I mean, she has a shadow, which means she's hiding something. How can I know that everything she's done before this wasn't a lie? How...It's...Just..." he managed to start before he started crying.

"Of course I want people to love and comfort me, everyone does. It's just so hard to trust someone to be able to do that without playing you for a fool and leaving you in the end. When that...stupid shadow popped up, pretending to be Maeko-chan, I...just...everything came back to me." he continued, crying even harder.

Kanaye managed to laugh. "That's another one for the books!" he shouted, wiping away tears. "More general self-esteem problems for our LOVELY investigation team. Really, do personae seek people with major problems or something?"

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pinksunbeam
2009-10-17 02:22 am UTC (link)

Misaki nodded slowly,"I understand, when you actually feel like it, I'll listen Sempai. It's the least I can do for you after everything you've done for me."

Misaki paused and thought a bit, then shook her head and looked at him, "Everyone probably has a shadow Sempai, it's if we let that shadow get the better of us that makes it dangerous. Because, Maeko-chan isn't the sort to lie about anything. She does care, and I know it's hard, it's hard for me too when I think about it. But...But I chose to be friends with Maeko-chan, I chose to give her the chance."

She got up and pulled out a tissue, handing it to him and putting her arms around him. "Sorry..." She paused and stroked his hair some, "I know it's hard, but not everyone is like that Sempai. I'm not, neither is Maeko-chan. She doesn't just leave people...and I'm not going to let that Shadow hurt you Sempai. I promise I'll protect you in there and get you to Maeko-chan. And you can tell her how you feel."

Misaki held him tighter, "Maybe...Maybe they do that so that we can face them rather then backing away from them. You know, so we can do the things that we want to do. Like...Like telling someone how we really feel, even if we're scared. I...I think they're there to give us strength, to help us...so we can grow as a person."

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zealousemperor
2009-10-17 02:44 am UTC (link)

Kanaye just stared blankly. "Everyone has a shadow, true, but that doesn't mean it still hurts. Do you know how badly it feels to be reminded of the worst day in your life? It's...horrible." he said, shuddering.

He took the tissue, wondered where it was from, then promptly jumped across the room at Misaki's touch. "Will you please stop touching me? I know you're just trying to make me feel better but...it's...kind of scary." he said quickly.

Calming down a bit, he smiled. "Thanks, Misaki-san. I'll protect you as well, alright? We'll be fine. We'll save Maeko-chan, no matter what happens. Just...stop touching me, alright?"

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pinksunbeam
2009-10-17 03:40 am UTC (link)

"Of course it still hurts," Misaki told him softly, "It doesn't matter where it comes from, it'll hurt. But it's if we let it be a gaping wound or a scratch in there that makes the difference."

"I"m sorry! It's just that...I'm sorry." She said softly. Misaki moved back, "But, what are you going to do if you do start going out with Maeko-chan? How are you going to deal with actually touching her?"

She waved her hand, "Okay okay. I'm sorry. I won't touch you okay."

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	zealousemperor 2009-10-17 03:43 am UTC (link)
	Kanaye looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook his head. "I'll be fine. It's what couples do, right? I'd expect it. That was...kind of creepy and somewhat bordering on sexual harassment. Sorry, Misaki-san, but you don't randomly start stroking someone's hair..." he finished, somewhat creeped out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pinksunbeam 2009-10-17 03:47 am UTC (link)
	"Um...but it's what my brother used to do to me when I cried," She shrugged, "It just helped me feel better." Misaki paused and smiled some, "Er...sexual harassment?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	zealousemperor 2009-10-17 03:49 am UTC (link)
	Kanaye shuddered. "Yes, but I'm not your brother or related to you in any way besides 'friend and teammate.' Stroking my hair is...kind of creepy." He nodded quickly. "Yes, sexual harassment! Stroking someone in a way that they do not want to be stroked! It's creepy!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pinksunbeam 2009-10-17 04:01 am UTC (link)
	"Oh my, I'm so sorry Sempai. I thought most people don't mind that. I'm so sorry!" She bowed some quickly and took a breath and rubbed her arm. "Sorry about that. Let me make it up to you. Can I at least clean this mess in the room?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	zealousemperor 2009-10-17 04:11 am UTC (link)
	Kanaye sighs. "Just...if I bristle at your touch most of the time, stroking my hair isn't going to help, alright?" he said pleasently. "Don't worry, that's what the maids are for." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pinksunbeam
2009-10-17 06:42 am UTC (link)

"Alright Sempai, I understand," she said softly and smiled some. Then shook her head, "Why don't you lay down, and I'll start cleaning up okay. This would be too much for them to do, besides I don't mind, gives me something to touch and working like this is how I think."

Misaki gave him a gentle smile, "We'll save her I promise Sempai. I'll even make you a gift to give her after, okay?"

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	zealousemperor 2009-10-17 06:45 pm UTC (link)
	Kanaye laid down as asked, but shook his head. "It's what they're paid for and it's not like they're not used to stuff like this. Really, it's no problem Misaki-san." He laughed sheepishly. "But...isn't giving someone a gift that someone else made kind of...weird?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pinksunbeam
2009-10-17 08:03 pm UTC (link)

Misaki carefully was arranging the saki bottles and looking for something to throw them into, "Well it's not good to give them this sort of work. You should be more careful sempai you could hurt yourself." She paused and tilted her head to the side, "Chan...I prefer chan. I get called Misaki-san all the time by my family's friends and really I don't like it."

She shrugged, "Not really, I mean it's for a good reason and you care about Maeko-chan. It's important to show her that, and, really I think it would mean more to her that you had it made then just picking it up at the store. It means you really thought about her feelings."

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	zealousemperor 2009-10-17 10:14 pm UTC (link)
	"I could hurt myself doing anything." Kanaye says, shrugging. "I have to live a little sometime, right?" He sighed. "It would mean more to her then something bought in a store, yeah, but it's still something you made. If I made it, it would work, but..." he trailed off, smiling. "Hey, Misaki-chan, do you think you could do me another favor?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pinksunbeam 2009-10-18 07:35 am UTC (link)
	"Well I suppose if you're klutzy enough sure you could," Misaki told him and smiled, "Sure Sempai. What do you need?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	zealousemperor 2009-10-18 05:56 pm UTC (link)
	"I need to make something for Maeko-chan, but I have no idea what she would like." Kanaye said softly. "Do you mind telling me what I could make for her?" (Reply to this) (Parent)

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