InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Why am I always Lois Lane?"

Nawanaka Toshimi [輪中福美] (thrown_to_winds) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2011-02-03 02:04:00

Entry tags:

hamasaki, toshimi

Who: Toshi, Hamasaki-sensei
What: A meeting.
When: Around the time of the rest of the meetings.
Where: Guidance Office
Why: Because, really, this has been needed from day 1, Toshi.

Toshimi walked on legs that shook a little to Hamasaki-sensei's office. She'd never been in before; after all, she had never been one to talk about her problems. Maybe that was why she felt nervous. Or maybe it was that she always felt like hiding in a corner whenever the subject of her future came up.

But cutting the string meant actually solving problems, and she would take what help she could get. Even from a stranger like Hamasaki-sensei. With a polite, "Excuse me," she knocked on the door.

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thrown_to_winds
2011-02-25 02:23 am UTC (link)

"It's easier, yes," she agreed cordially. "But I don't need to take the easy way out. Not when it's this important." An opportunity to go to Tokyo U wasn't as grand as the opportunity to make the most of the life she'd so luckily been able to cling to. How would she make the most of her life if she let somebody else live it for her?

She smiled ever so slightly to herself, now. Not a fake smile or even a happy one, but more of a knowing one. "I can handle it," she told Hamasaki-sensei with a quiet confidence.

It was an unusual feeling. She wasn't even bothered by whatever he was writing about her. "I'm stronger than I look."

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	disappear_npc 2011-02-25 12:39 pm UTC (link)
	Hamasaki nodded but he seemed perhaps a little skeptical, his gaze no longer on his paperwork but now focused on Toshimi. "What is the source of your confidence? How have you become so sure of yourself?" He asked the question politely whatever he might be thinking of her statement, now looking her directly in the eyes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thrown_to_winds
2011-03-02 05:41 am UTC (link)

Toshi automatically averted her gaze in deference, but a second later she realized what she was doing and looked the guidance counselor back in the eyes.

"I've learned a great deal about myself since I moved here," she told him, "and so I know what I'm capable of. Maybe I was always meant to know," she mused, "Or maybe I've just stumbled into it by chance."

Of course, she couldn't tell him that she was battle-hardened by ice and fire and wolves and weddings, but she supposed that in the grand scheme of it all it didn't especially matter.

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	disappear_npc 2011-03-05 03:37 pm UTC (link)
	Hamasaki inclined his head, "what is it you have learnt about yourself Nawanaka-san?" He asked with interest. "To come to terms with so much of yourself over such a short time must mean something quite extraordinary has occurred? Or perhaps you became friends with someone who gave you a different view of things?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thrown_to_winds
2011-03-10 07:32 am UTC (link)

It was so awkward telling it to someone she didn't really know. "That I don't have to let circumstances dictate everything about my life." She'd learned some other things, too, but this seemed to be the most relevant at the moment.

"Extraordinary is a good way to describe it," she agreed. "And you're correct in that I've made some new friends who have given me a lot of perspective." It felt good to say it.

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disappear_npc
2011-03-14 01:42 am UTC (link)

Hamasaki nodded, "well seeing as you have experienced these changes in perspective, and as it is something that has had such an impact on your life, along with the other things you have mentioned about university I think you should perhaps talk to your uncle about this?" He shrugged.

"Perhaps it will give you a different perspective, or help you to understand the path you should be taking in life." There was a slight undertone in what he said, perhaps implying that an 'adult' really still was the best person to dictate Toshimi's life, but then again it could just be a poor choice of phrasing on his part.

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thrown_to_winds
2011-03-14 04:08 am UTC (link)

Oh.

Toshi visually deflated a little. Somehow, it hadn't even occurred to her that if she was going to deviate wildly from the plan her uncle had set out for her, she would have to speak to him about it at some point. It made sense, and yet, as she thought about it, an overwhelming sense of dread welled up in her.

But she had to look confident to Hamasaki, so---what could she do?---she smiled her best fake smile at him. Even as she did so, she felt, bizarrely, guilty about it.

"Y-yes, of course," she said to him. "That makes sense."

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