InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "get a life! Or maybe a puppy."

Toru Ishinomori [石乃森都丸] (2dbeauty) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-06-15 19:16:00

Entry tags:

toru, yoshimi

WHO: Toru, Yoshimi
WHAT: Some explaining.
WHEN: After Toru gets bitched out by Kiriko.
WHERE: The soccer field.
WHY: TORU NEEDS TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF. AND KAZ.

It didn't please Toru at all that he had to do this, but he really needed to. He'd been putting talking to Yoshimi about matters Kazuya-related for months now. It felt wrong to keep deluding her by withholding information, and he couldn't stomach it any longer. Cowardice and nerves were no longer a legitimate excuse.

Plus, it was something that would get him less scolded-at by Kiriko, he supposed. With this in mind, he went looking for her, bag of cosmetics from Kiriko still on his person. He ended up searching through the music club, cooking club, astronomy club, and photography club before finally wandering out to the fields.

Conveniently, she appeared to be practicing with the soccer team. Toru walked right up to her on the field and made an awkward bow.

"Y-Yoshimi-san... w-we need to talk."

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omgboyskissing
2010-06-16 01:06 am UTC (link)

Yoshimi's mouth opened. And closed again. And opened. And closed again. In the meantime, her view of reality was reworking itself to account for this information. Really, this was the last direction she'd expected the conversation to take.

"...oh," she murmured, sitting down because she could only process so much at once, and standing was taking up more resources than she could handle at the moment. "You're... he... don't be sorry. I'm just confused. It was an overdose, wasn't it?" Of course she remembered the news report; it had scared her into staying sober for almost a solid week. And also the part about what it meant for Toru and Kazuya, but six whole days of sobriety.

"What's that got to do with you?"

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2dbeauty
2010-06-16 01:20 am UTC (link)

Toru continued to look at his feet, holding his arm to his side with the other, and swayed uncomfortably.

"...yeah, it was an overdose... on whatever was in a box that Kazuya-kun made me deliver to his house about a week before. Kaz... h-he was using me to transport drugs. I think. Or something like that. He messaged me after Shou died, called me a worthless pawn."

He gritted his teeth. "It's my fault that Kazuya-kun left. I was a bad... a-a bad everything to him, a-and he didn't want me."

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omgboyskissing
2010-06-16 02:05 am UTC (link)

"You weren't a bad... uh, everything. There's no way." Yoshimi shook her head decisively, braids swinging back and forth with the motion. "You were trying to help him, remember? If he didn't... that's not..." She sighed, feeling out of her depth. She was supposed to be the fun one, the gamer buddy, the party girl. Not the confidant for broken hearts. Where was Seiko when you needed — oh, right.

"...you wanted to help. It's not your fault that he took advantage of that."

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2dbeauty
2010-06-16 02:29 am UTC (link)

Toru stared at his feet meaningfully. "I wanted to help... b-but I was so stupid. I should have realized that nobody would have wanted me. Someone who said the things he did... h-he was obviously doing it to take advantage of me. Nothing else. I'm not attractive or desirable... just desperate."

He then turned, facing away from Yoshimi, as if he intended to walk away. "I'm sorry... I just needed to say something. A-after yesterday... I know that I really am worthless to the team. Just like I was to Kazuya-kun."

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omgboyskissing
2010-06-16 03:35 am UTC (link)

"Hey, don't...!" Yoshimi made it about halfway into her sentence before realizing that she hadn't come up with the other half yet. Great. She was left with her mouth hanging open and her brain practically screaming "

CRITICAL ERROR. BAD PROBLEM TO ADVISER MATCH. ABORT MISSION

" (with far more clarity than her brain usually displayed in contesting bad ideas) for several seconds before she managed to continue.

"I mean, of course you needed to say something! You've been bottling this up for how long? Two months? I'm not exactly surprised that you flipped out on everyone." What had been intended as a nakama speech was rapidly devolving into frustrated, but ultimately fond, ranting. "And like hell nobody wants you. All that stuff I loaned you, the time I said you could crash at my place until your roommate got his act together, that nineteen-hour Matsuri raid when we both had school the next day? Does that not count for anything just because we're not fucking? I'm not saying that I wanted anything in return, but don't try to tell me I don't care."

If Yoshimi had entered the conversation with any concerns about the soccer team listening in, those had long since fallen by the wayside.

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2dbeauty
2010-06-16 04:52 pm UTC (link)

Toru froze at Yoshimi's words, even though they trailed off into incompleteness. Why was she stopping him? Probably to chew me out like Ikeda did... I said one too many things, I bet. Some sense of relevance kept him in one spot, but something else in his mind kept him from turning around quite yet.

So he listened to her impassioned rant without once turning around or interrupting. From where Yoshimi (or the soccer team) stood, Toru appeared to have been paralyzed, arms stiff at his sides, scruffy head and narrow back motionless, long legs stuck in a pose that made him look like he'd been frozen mid-stride.

Finally, he turned around to face the girl, expression unreadable. "...my apologies." The words hung in the air for a few moments before something in his countenance broke, and Toru emitted something that could almost be construed as a sob.

"...I'm really, incredibly sorry, Yoshimi-san. I shouldn't have forgotten." With surprising speed, he buried his face in his hands and sank down to a crouch.

"That... that was stupid. R-really stupid... I-I know you're my friend, Yoshi... I just... after yesterday, after losing Kazuya-kun... I thought you'd give up on me. S-since I'm a jerk, and I can't even be... n-nevermind. But... I was wrong."

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omgboyskissing
2010-06-17 03:31 am UTC (link)

Righteous indignation, like most of Yoshimi's emotions, tended to only appear in short, unsustainable bursts. After a few seconds of internal debate over whether or not yelling had been a bad idea (her verdict: probably), her expression softened and she took a few steps toward Toru.

"You were a jerk to Yukizaki-san," she said flatly, not wanting to dance around the issue any more than she already had. "And I still don't get what it was about her Shadow that upset you so badly. But..."

Yoshimi sighed again, wishing that she were someone like Kozue, all soft and delicate and remotely capable of dealing with these things. But she wasn't, and there was still a miserable-looking ball of manpain curled up in front of her, so she settled for kneeling down next to Toru and trying to pull him into a supremely awkward side hug.

"We always see each other at our worst in Paradise. I won't give up on you just because of that, and besides, I might sort of understand where you're coming from." She resisted the urge to fidget nervously, but the admission left her feeling self-conscious. So much for being the fun one.

"I didn't find out that Shingo-san had been cheating on me until they pulled him out of the car, and I was all... 'of course, how could I be dumb enough to think that I was anything special?' Is it something like that?"

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2dbeauty
2012-04-28 02:51 am UTC (link)

"I... I guess you never met my shadow. S-so you wouldn't..." Toru's stuttering wasn't the usual hesitance and awkward fear mixed in his speech this time- it was from the ragged breathing of someone crying tears of true guilt and distress.

"He... I, I mean... shit... He was pretty much her opposite. Seiko complained about her looks, but she was pretty, and that's what she hated... a-and I lost it because it just sounded so entitled. She never had to hide in her room and stop going to school because everyone made fun of her for being ugly. Her shadow didn't come out because of being so ugly that she learned to hate everything else and because she couldn't deal with people... it was just unfair, you know? I was a jerk and I can't deny it, b-but..."

He turned his head to look at Yoshimi as she gave him that awkward-as-hell hug. "You only found out then...? That's horrible. He was treating you worse than Ka- th-than anybody should ever treat someone they're dating!"

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