InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "no, let's party like it's 1899"

Yamada Kai [山田海] (the_nadeshiko) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-06-15 13:45:00

Entry tags:

kai, kiriko

WHO: Kai, Kiriko.
WHAT: A necessary chat. Also, threading.
WHEN: Post-Seikodungeon, whenever convenient.
WHERE: Butterfly Room.
WHY: "Simmer down, kid."

Kai lay back on the couch, sinking into it, and kind of wished the thing would just swallow him whole. Could Shadow-couches do that? He hadn't properly sat on it before, so he could only guess. ...It was indeed a nice couch.

It would distract him from his hands, at any rate. He held them up, studying them again - they were bruised and terribly sore, from both his freak-out inside of the dome trap and rushing into a battle right afterward. They had also been fun to explain to his parents (and the glitter he'd been covered in, but then he'd just used the catch-all excuse "I was with Yoshida-chan," and they completely understood).

He couldn't quite believe it himself. Kai Yamada did not sustain injuries from fighting or losing his temper - he pricked himself with needles and bumped into desks and (once or twice, a very, very long time ago) got hit himself, but he never did the hitting.

A rustling in his sewing bag, sitting on the floor beside the couch, reminded him of why he'd actually come to the Butterfly Room.

He sat up and reached down, pulling out his hugdoll self, now animated by the Butterfly Room and squirming in his grip. So everyone else was right - they did move in here. He had grabbed his from the school before Tom had made his collection run, so now he'd had to return the Kaidoll himself.

He set it down on the floor, and was bemused to find it hang onto his pant leg and refuse to re-join the group.

"Go join your friends," he chided, feeling hollow even as he said it, but it could not be moved.

Sighing, he scooped it back up and let the doll sit on his chest while he lay back on the couch, where it proceeded to busy itself miming the motions of sewing back on a loose button on his jacket.

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apathyisboring
2010-06-28 07:50 pm UTC (link)

Kiriko found this to be an acceptable answer. It matched his behaviour, too - he was always skittish in that place, jumping at the kind of shadows that couldn't even do any harm to him. At the rate he was adjusting, she figured he was probably the most cowardly of the bunch - which to Kiriko's mind, mostly just meant that he had a brain rolling around upstairs.

She took at seat on the couch at the invitation, opening her bag and picking through it for her real homework. Might as well.

"Don't you always feel like that?"

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the_nadeshiko
2010-07-01 02:41 am UTC (link)

"Ah, yeah..." Kai played with his hair, pushing some of it behind his ear. "But Paradise is a nerve-wracking experience for everyone, I think."

He paused to think at that. Everyone? Kiriko seemed to handle it well, as did Tom, Isao, Keiichi...

Well, they should've been scared, anyway.

"I'm not used to facing things that can kill me on a regular basis," he muttered, feeling that that was the reason Kiriko would emphasize with the most. "Doesn't it ever get to you?"

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apathyisboring
2010-07-03 02:32 am UTC (link)

She took a moment to consider the question, though she already knew the answer was yes. How couldn't it be? All the same, she didn't want to look cowardly.

"Yes, though less than it used to," was her eventual answer. Perfectly true, as well - she'd been feeling more determined lately, and with everyone working better together as a group, there was much less to worry about.

That, and having survived Renju's place gave her the feel of being able to survive almost anything through the guidance of her persona and sheer, stubborn, refusal to die.

"But it doesn't seem to bug you any less than when you first started."

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the_nadeshiko
2010-07-03 04:35 am UTC (link)

"Of course," was Kai's immediate response. He didn't have Kiriko's self-control, either, so it had popped out before he could think. "How can it not?" he said softer, a moment later, and then bit his bottom lip. "How am I supposed to calm down knowing that I could die in there? That other people could die if we make a mistake?"

Despite the emotionally-charged statements, Kai's voice was quiet and small. He remembered what had happened the last time he'd openly vented to another team member, and figured Kiriko would respond about as well as Isao had if he got hysterical again.

He slumped against the side of the couch to avoid looking at her. "Is it such a bad thing to be afraid? At least it makes me careful."

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apathyisboring
2010-07-03 11:15 pm UTC (link)

Kiriko had never before thought that she would or even could appreciate the rest of the team's flippant approach, but there it was. Kai's fear was triggering her own, and it was a sensation she found mostly irritating. She couldn't tell if she was annoyed at him for not having the good sense to hide his feelings or happy at finding somebody else among them that wasn't an utterly foolhardy idiot.

For now, she was veering towards irritated.

"It doesn't make you careful from what I've seen," she answered. "I'm careful. You're panicky." She paused for thought once again. It was good to have conversations that made you think, but she only wished that it made her think about something else.

"We haven't failed yet," she said, tentative as though she was trying to choose her words carefully. "We've shown that we're more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. And right now, it looks like the only way to go is forward. At least we have the strength to fight back."

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the_nadeshiko
2010-07-04 08:55 pm UTC (link)

If Kai could have turned away any more without looking like a spineless blob, he would have. Kiriko's words were piercing right through his carefully-built delusions, and though a small part of him said that it was for the best, it still hurt.

"I-I..." He stared down at his hands, still bruised and sore, but they were hands that had survived Paradise twice now. If only that would make him feel better. "I thought that the more I did this, the easier it would get, but it still hasn't. I'm sorry."

He figured an apology couldn't hurt. At least, it would be better than offering more excuses for why he was so scared.

"Yeah... I guess that's all good. We can't do anything but fight this, so there's no excuse for being passive. I'll remember that."

Kai rubbed his temples, trying to ease some of the pressure he felt building there the more he thought about Paradise and his own failings in it. This entire conversation was exhausting, but one that was necessary. Maybe.

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