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Tweak says, "This man has no neck."

Nawanaka Toshimi [輪中福美] (thrown_to_winds) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-04-15 23:36:00

Entry tags:

renju, toshimi

Who: Toshi, Renju
What: A conversation of some kind.
Where: Nanakamado Classroom 2-B
When: After plotdungeon.
Why: That question is meaningless.

After the way Toshimi had spent her summer, going back to school had been more of a relief than anything else. She'd quit her summer work, she'd quit trying to force herself to think about happy things, and she'd basically quit smiling---even when there was nothing particularly upsetting happening, since school started up again, she'd been letting herself scowl at her desk or at walls or occasionally even at other people (as long as they weren't looking, of course). It felt cleaner, somehow. For once, that pressure that she'd grown accustomed to was barely present.

But other than that, it was horrible. All the things she could usually focus on or think about had lately only been leading her to think in the kind of ways that the Shadow had thought in, or, not any better, what her friends back in Yutagoro would have to say about them.

At the end of the school day, after the classroom had been cleaned up, she found herself staring at where Sato Kei used to sit, and it started up again.
That's where you saw that corpse, when all of this started. However it started. Wouldn't things have been better off if none of this Paradise stuff ever happened?
But it happened and it's still happening. Could it have been prevented?
No, whatever's causing this is...who even knows?
Seiji-san knows. Oh, baseball practice is going to be so weird from now on. Maybe he won't show up--but then you won't have enough people in the outfield.
Listen to yourself. More concerned about your baseball game than anything else. Is that the kind of person you are?

"Ugh." She slumped over on her desk. If only she could go back to not thinking. But that had been a mistake. Maybe just a temporary distraction to break the cycle would be okay. She propped her head up with her hands, looking for one. The day's work had only just ended and most of the class was still around, including one Sonozaki Renju nearby--not exactly a fitting distraction from Paradise woes. Smiles or no smiles, though, Toshimi felt obligated to be polite at the very least. She waved a small wave and nodded, "Afternoon."

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lotus_beyond
2010-04-22 03:01 am UTC (link)

"Good afternoon, Nawanaka-san."

Renju had been about to finish packing up her things and pass by without thinking about it, on her way to... well, she hadn't decided yet, but somewhere that wasn't school, ideally. She hadn't noticed Toshimi sitting there, and had indeed been a bit startled when she'd been addressed.

She'd asked to talk to Toshimi, though, hadn't she? Even though her own fears of dealing with the whole topic had kept her from it, she'd still promised she would. Maybe discussing the matter would help exorcise some of it from her mind, and it might help Toshi as well; either way, avoiding the matter just meant she was running from everything again, and she wasn't about to let herself do that.

Perhaps she was overcompensating for old habits a bit. Still, it was better than backsliding again.

She slid her satchel over her shoulder and walked over to Toshi's desk. "Are you free at the moment?"

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thrown_to_winds
2010-04-25 07:43 pm UTC (link)

"Hmm..." She paused. With school over, the classroom cleaned, no baseball practice, and no depressing part-time job to get to, Toshimi was indeed free. The pause wasn't because she had to think of what the answer was, but because she didn't know how to answer. She was keenly aware of this. Her old standby of 'smile and agree with whatever the person just said' would not serve anymore, but she didn't really have any other ideas.

Since she was talking to Renju, she decided that it'd be easiest to just talk like Renju would. She'd read somewhere that adopting another person's mannerisms in a subtle way could make social interactions go more smoothly. Not that it'd ever been a problem when she'd just agreed with everyone, but things were different now and Toshimi wasn't exactly sure what to expect. So, she tried it out: a Renju-like response, from what she could tell, meant polite language, but getting straight to the point.

"Yes, I'm free. Do you need something, Sonozaki-san?"

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lotus_beyond
2010-04-28 11:38 am UTC (link)

"I'd like to discuss what happened..." She frowned, paused, searched for a relatively discreet way to put it. Not that she wanted to talk around the topic, but they'd recently had concrete proof that at least one of the Angels was someone they knew, and though the classroom was empty, one could never be sure who might walk by.

"... at the beach," she finished, certain that Toshi, of all people, would be more than intelligent enough to pick up on her meaning. "How have you been holding up?" Even she, who had trouble picking up on changes in behavior even with those she knew... well, relatively well... had noticed the abrupt lack of smiles. Not, she mentally added, thinking of that keening scream, that that was a bad thing, to be sure...

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thrown_to_winds
2010-04-29 02:50 am UTC (link)

'What happened' in this situation could have only meant one or two things, so Toshi had a pretty fair guess at what Renju was going to say before she was finished saying it. Not surprised, she didn't react much, just nodded her acknowledgment. Talking about everything that had happened--and thereby having to think about it--was basically the exact opposite of what she'd wanted to do that day, but there was Renju. Toshi probably could have thought of some polite way to back out, but what would it accomplish? It'd be pointless. The best thing for now would be honesty, and the best place to start would be the question at hand.

How had she been holding up, if she were to answer honestly? She stared down at the surface of her desk for a moment, finally deciding on, "That depends what you mean, I guess. I've been keeping up in class as usual." A beat. She knew that wasn't what Renju had meant, and Renju probably knew she knew. "It's been different," she said, not quite meeting the other girl's eyes.

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lotus_beyond
2010-05-12 02:52 am UTC (link)

"It usually is." As always, Renju thought back on her own--but thinking about it, in retrospect, it seemed as though most people changed after their time in Paradise, at least a little (though not always in a positive way). It seemed to be a natural consequence of the whole experience, usually. "I was..."

There was a moment's pause while Renju's gaze flicked around the empty classroom. She'd been about to go into more detail, but this didn't seem to be the place for it. She couldn't dance around the subject for fear of passing strangers forever. "Would you mind if we went elsewhere to discuss this, Nawanaka-san?"

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thrown_to_winds
2010-05-12 03:39 am UTC (link)

"Yes, I..."
I what? What exactly do you mean to say?
Well, if Renju didn't have to finish her sentences, neither did she.

She glanced around the class as Renju did so. The rest of the class had left, but there was no way to stop people from coming back if, say, they forgot something, and the way the doors were set up would make eavesdropping pretty easy. They were still trying to keep the nature of their Paradise escapades under wraps...and if she was going to discuss the beach, Toshimi didn't want it to be where just anyone could hear, anyway. "That's a good idea," she nodded. "Are you headed somewhere, Sonozaki-san? Otherwise we could go to, um..." She placed her school bag on her lap, thinking. "Somewhere empty, I guess? I don't know."

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lotus_beyond
2010-06-04 01:44 am UTC (link)

"Perhaps the roof?" Renju looked up as though to emphasize the suggestion, probably putting more thought into this decision than she really needed to. "The anti-bullying club room would probably be best, come to think of it. It hasn't been used in a while, so no one's likely to be there..."

For once, Renju was actually thankful for Tom's less-than-entirely-ethical efforts in relation to something that wasn't directly Paradise-related. She never thought she'd think that, but here she was.

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thrown_to_winds
2010-06-08 07:22 am UTC (link)

Toshi was ready to agree to go to the roof, because they could keep an eye on the staircase door, but the clubroom was a better suggestion. She nodded, "That's a good idea." In fact, she hadn't been in that room since their "club" started holding meetings in the Butterfly Room, but it'd be better if they didn't go there. Last time she'd been, she'd felt somehow obligated to stare at the new painting of the lighthouse on the wall, and that made her miserable.

The anti-bullying club room, though, was totally lacking in magical paintings, so she gathered her things and waited by the door for Renju to lead the way out.

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lotus_beyond
2010-06-17 01:48 am UTC (link)

It had been a while since the last time Renju had gone there, so it took her a little more thought and time than she'd intended to get there, but arrive she did, and settled onto one of the desks once they were in. The last time she'd been in here was...

... well, never mind that. It was long done and gone, in any case. She needed to focus on the here and now. "Are you holding up all right? Dealing with your Shadow can be a very trying experience, I know." And did she. The second time was significantly easier than the first, but it still wasn't anything that could be remotely defined as "fun".

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thrown_to_winds
2010-06-22 08:23 am UTC (link)

Toshi milled about awkwardly for a moment before also sitting on one of the desks. The room was a little more depressing than she'd remembered it. Or maybe that was just her.

Straight to the point as always. Toshi didn't know whether she liked or disliked this about Renju. It was a little jarring for someone who was always avoiding difficult things like she was. Or at least, like she had been for the past six months or so. Was it the type of person she was, or was it just a natural reaction to a situation beyond her control?

"I don't know," she said, in response to both Renju's question and her own internal one. "I don't know anything anymore. I guess it depends on what you mean by 'holding up'. As I said, I've been keeping up in class just fine." Apparently, she was still inclined to stick with the positive. Maybe that was wrong, too. "I've had more than enough time to sleep," she added quietly.

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